Gosh, guys, I’m trying to write my resignation letter, and it feels like I’m going through this decision making process all over again. My resignation is not official until the letter is sent to the Board, and they cannot post my job until then as well. So, it almost feels like this is as big of a deal as when I had to walk in and tell my principal the news.
This is so hard. I thought I’d be feeling free as a bird, but instead I still feel timid and doubtful. I never realized that leaving a job that I know is not best for my life would be so difficult and emotional. I figured I’d be so overcome with excitement about the possibilities of the future that I wouldn’t even look back.
So, why do I found myself continually glancing back over my shoulder?
This past year, I honestly gave my life to this job, and even though I don’t want to do that again, I feel an emotional attachment that is hard to break. It’s like my school and the people there became a part of who I was, and now I’m consciously choosing to let that part of me go.
I’m trying to be brave, but of course I have doubts. What if I regret my decision? What if the commute wouldn’t have seemed as taxing this year? What if the dreams I’m following don’t work out? What if I fail and become even more unhappy than I’ve been this past year?
I always look at people who have made a change in their life in order to be successful at something they’re passionate about, and I admire them immensely. But I don’t ever think about the people who make a change and then their dreams don’t pan out. Until now. Now it’s me who is stepping out to try and make my life what I want it to be. And it’s so scary.
And the tears just keep coming.
In an effort to carry on, let’s talk about food.
With all the stress I’ve been feeling this week, I just haven’t had much of an appetite. Especially in the mornings. But, alas, I was feeling weak and shaky this morning, so I knew I need something to get me through some time on the treadmill and yoga.
I went with an old childhood favorite, but healthified it! When I was growing up my mom would make us cinnamon toast by spreading butter over the toasted bread, then sprinkling it with sugar and cinnamon and spreading it all around. It’s funny how food can evoke such vivid memories:)
This morning I toasted a piece of ezekiel bread and spread a thin layer of Earth Balance over it, then sprinkled it with cinnamon. I could have added a bit of sweetener, but decided against it because my stomach just needed something kind of bland.
Along with it, I had a green monster of course. But I lightened up on the ingredients a bit – this one contained
- two handfuls spinach
- 1/2 banana
- a little over a cup of almond milk
Simple and healthy.
By the time I got to the gym this morning I only had time to do about a mile on the treadmill before yoga. Ideally I would have had more time but I just have so much going on today, that I decided to just call it a day after class was over.
On the list for today
- do some invoicing for Outbox
- write and send my resignation letter:(
- place an amazon order for a book I’m needing
- meet with Mohammad
- think through some things for my interview
- rock my interview!
- figure out what foods I want to take for the lake this weekend
- mail some bills
What are your plans for the 4th of July? Jon and I are meeting my family at my Grandparent’s lake cabin. We’ll be leaving Saturday and returning on Monday, and unfortunately there is no internet access down there, so unless I figure out how to schedule a couple of posts (does anybody know how to do this?), CSM will be awfully lonely for a couple of days.
I hope you all have a great Friday and if you’re headed out of town be safe and have a great holiday weekend!
See ya later!
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33 Responses to “trying to let go”
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