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trying to let go

Gosh, guys, I’m trying to write my resignation letter, and it feels like I’m going through this decision making process all over again.  My resignation is not official until the letter is sent to the Board, and they cannot post my job until then as well.  So, it almost feels like this is as big of a deal as when I had to walk in and tell my principal the news.

This is so hard.  I thought I’d be feeling free as a bird, but instead I still feel timid and doubtful. I never realized that leaving a job that I know is not best for my life would be so difficult and emotional.  I figured I’d be so overcome with excitement about the possibilities of the future that I wouldn’t even look back.

So, why do I found myself continually glancing back over my shoulder?

This past year, I honestly gave my life to this job, and even though I don’t want to do that again, I feel an emotional attachment that is hard to break.  It’s like my school and the people there became a part of who I was, and now I’m consciously choosing to let that part of me go.

I’m trying to be brave, but of course I have doubts.  What if I regret my decision?  What if the commute wouldn’t have seemed as taxing this year?  What if the dreams I’m following don’t work out?  What if I fail and become even more unhappy than I’ve been this past year?

I always look at people who have made a change in their life in order to be successful at something they’re passionate about, and I admire them immensely.  But I don’t ever think about the people who make a change and then their dreams don’t pan out.  Until now.  Now it’s me who is stepping out to try and make my life what I want it to be.  And it’s so scary.

And the tears just keep coming.

In an effort to carry on, let’s talk about food.

With all the stress I’ve been feeling this week, I just haven’t had much of an appetite.  Especially in the mornings.  But, alas, I was feeling weak and shaky this morning, so I knew I need something to get me through some time on the treadmill and yoga.

I went with an old childhood favorite, but healthified it!  When I was growing up my mom would make us cinnamon toast by spreading butter over the toasted bread, then sprinkling it with sugar and cinnamon and spreading it all around.  It’s funny how food can evoke such vivid memories:)

This morning I toasted a piece of ezekiel bread and spread a thin layer of Earth Balance over it, then sprinkled it with cinnamon.  I could have added a bit of sweetener, but decided against it because my stomach just needed something kind of bland.

Along with it, I had a green monster of course.  But I lightened up on the ingredients a bit – this one contained

  • two handfuls spinach
  • 1/2 banana
  • a little over a cup of almond milk
  • ice

Simple and healthy.

By the time I got to the gym this morning I only had time to do about a mile on the treadmill before yoga.  Ideally I would have had more time but I just have so much going on today, that I decided to just call it a day after class was over.

On the list for today

  • do some invoicing for Outbox
  • write and send my resignation letter:(
  • place an amazon order for a book I’m needing
  • meet with Mohammad
  • think through some things for my interview
  • rock my interview!
  • figure out what foods I want to take for the lake this weekend
  • mail some bills

What are your plans for the 4th of July? Jon and I are meeting my family at my Grandparent’s lake cabin.  We’ll be leaving Saturday and returning on Monday, and unfortunately there is no internet access down there, so unless I figure out how to schedule a couple of posts (does anybody know how to do this?), CSM will be awfully lonely for a couple of days.

I hope you all have a great Friday and if you’re headed out of town be safe and have a great holiday weekend!

See ya later!

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more news!

Hey!

Today has been a better day.  I chatted with my sister for a couple of hours this afternoon, and she pepped me up a little bit.

Somebody please explain to me why I need to be told to quit analyzing everything and MOVE ON! I am trying to cut myself a little slack because this has been a really serious and hard decision.  But now that the decision has been made, there really is no reason to dwell on it.  It is just a work in progress methinks:)

I’m realizing how much of an emotional person I really am through this process. I no sooner sat down in my principal’s office yesterday than I got all choked up.  I couldn’t even get a word out!  While I was a little bit mortified, I also really wanted to express to her how much of an attachment I have to the school.  Mission accomplished. I mean, if she doesn’t know that I care at this point, then I don’t have two webbed toes.  did I just say that out loud?

Annnyway.  Before I left to meet up with Mohammad earlier (the student I’m tutoring), I somehow forgot to grab a snack.  I didn’t sweat it too much though, figuring I would be distracted enough during our meeting.  However, after receiving a phone call 5 minutes after I arrived at the coffee shop saying he was going to be an hour late, I knew I wasn’t going to make it.  So, I rushed home and grabbed this

Van’s Lite Waffle covered in almond butter

I really love these waffles.  The flavor of them is just too good, and the ingredients are great.  Plus – they only have 70 calories per serving (1 waffle)!  Win, win, win!

I tried to be at least a little productive before heading back to the coffee shop, but there just wasn’t enough time to get much done.

Thank you Mohammad for virtually taking up 2.5 hours of my afternoon.  At least he’s funny, though. Today he asked me if he could come live with Jon and I…at which point I about fell out of my chair.

I had an exchange student, K,  from Germany last year, and at one point during the year she was having trouble with her host family.  The exchange student coordinator emailed me one day and asked if K could come live with Jon and I.  Really?  Shouldn’t you have some experience raising kids before you take on a full-blown teenager?!

I politely declined.

I digress.

By the time I got home tonight, it had gotten rather late, and I was trying to think of something for dinner.  I wasn’t feeling very inspired, so I defaulted to Mexican.  Easy. Cheap. Tasty.

First this…

black beans, pinto beans, corn, rotel, cumin and sea salt – all mixed up!

Dun! dun! dun!  We were out of bit sized pasta, so we went with spaghetti!  Whole wheat of course.

hot and steamy

Toss! toss! toss!

Delicious.  Maybe not the most glamorous or creative meal, but it always hits the spot.

Unfortunatly I realized I am out of my favorite spice ever…so I had to forgo the ground red pepper.  boo:(

Oh, my gosh…I totally forgot!  I got a call for an interview today! I mentioned in my post yesterday that I might have an opportunity to teach ESL classes part-time.  Well, today I got a call and I’ll be meeting with them tomorrow.  I’m excited about this opportunity because it will enable me to have more time for the things I want to do and will give us a little extra moolah in the meantime. Plus, I love working with international students. So, I’m hoping it goes well.

Keep your fingers crossed for me!

What is your default/go-to meal for when you aren’t feeling inspired?

Do you love mexican food as much as I do? If not what’s your favorite ethnic food?

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turbo kick = a bust

Hello!

Thank you all so much for your support and encouragement on yesterday’s post about my decision to leave my job.  That post was very difficult to write because putting it all down on “paper” made it seem more real…and more scary.  I honestly can’t say that I woke up this morning feeling no fear or doubt, but nothing worth attaining is every easy, right?  Your comments completely made my day and helped calm my racing mind.  I just keep re-analyzing the situation and the what ifs over and over in my head, and I know that is getting me nowhere good.  I’ve got to be able to let it go and get excited about moving forward!

You all really do mean so much to me, though, and I’m so thankful for you:)

This morning I tried to ward off Satan’s attempt to bring me down by spending some time with the Lord over a seriously good yogurt bowl

blueberry soy yogurt with 1/3 cup raw oats, 1/2 tbsp chia seeds and some dried cranberries

Later I headed to the gym – I’ve been wanting to try out the Turbo Kick class and today seemed like a great day to do it!  Maybe not.  I was the only one who showed up!  The instructor and I ended up striking up a conversation and talked through the entire class.  I was kind of bummed that I didn’t get to try it out, but I found out a lot of interesting things about certifications that might help me in the future, so I suppose it was worth it.

After we finished chatting I hopped on the treadmill and cranked out 3 miles.  I forgot to reset the treadmill after my walking warm-up, so I don’t have final stats unfort.  It was a pretty good run though, and my last mile was my strongest, so I consider that a win!

I followed the run with some of Polly’s yoga for runners. I’ve been doing this after every run this week, and I feel like it really is helping me to loosen up a lot, which helps with my runs.  My legs haven’t been feeling as tight, and I feel lighter on my feet.  If you haven’t checked out her site, you should stop by – she has a plethora of great yoga videos!  And she’s cute as a button:)

Lunch!

I whipped up a new, but very simple little dish for lunch.  I’ve been craving this new organic pasta sauce we bought last time we were at the store.

I tried it once before and loved it!  And check out the stellar ingredients.

I mixed 1/2 cup of sauce with 1/3 cup of black beans and a handful of frozen spinach.  Popped it in the micro for about a minute and a half and poured it over top 1/2 cup of cooked quinoa.  It was delicious!  The flavors combined perfectly.

On the side I also had a sliced pear sprinkled with cinnamon.

You should try this concoction!

This afternoon I’ve been working on some stuff for Outbox (our business), and I talked to my sister for a loooonnng time!  Love conversations that are so good they go on for hours:)

I’m off now to meet with Mohammad for some tutoring.  Hope you guys have a great day, and I’ll see you tonight!

The long weekend is almost here!  What are your plans?
Will you be shooting any fireworks or just watching them?

Are you a phone person?  Do you have trouble keeping in touch with long distance friends?

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