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getting real

Tonight the husband and I got a serious hankering for some diet coke.  So, we decided to take an evening walk down to the grocery store before dinner.

It is quite ironic that we have three (yes, three) cars, yet we walked to the grocery store.  But I love our walks.  With the husband working evenings on our business, we don’t have as much time for them as we used to.  I miss them.

Once we got there, I sat outside with Olive, while he ran inside for the goods.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about contentment.  I am the world’s worst about getting in too big of a hurry all the time.  While I love the idea of slowing down and enjoying life as it is now, I don’t practice it very often.  I’m always wishing for the next thing. Always thinking that things could be just a little bit better if only…

Lately I’ve really been struggling with this, and the last couple of days I’ve actually been able to recognize how detrimental this is to my life.  I count myself very blessed to be in the stage of life I’m in.  I’m so thankful that Jon supported me in leaving my job so that I could pursue what I’m passionate about. And I’m tired of surrendering to discontentment and allowing fear to defeat me.  I’m slowly starting to realize something about myself – I’m afraid of being successful.  I think that part of my discontentment at this phase of life is due to not allowing myself to succeed.

I allow three things to defeat me on a daily basis: procrastination, being paralyzed by fear and making excuses.  I’m still diligently trying to figure out why I allow these things to interfere with my goals and dreams, but I’m working on taking steps toward overcoming them.

The other night Jon and I laid awake for hours, him letting me hash out every angle of this struggle.  I’m so thankful that he pushes me to challenge myself, to take myself to the next level, and most of all to believe in myself.  I don’t know why he believes in me as deeply as he does, but sometimes that’s what keeps me going. Before we went to bed that night, he walked me into our office and made me put down my new commitment on our chalkboard closet door.  Everyday when I see it, it reminds me that I really am stronger than I think I am.

side note – the coloration on this pic is way off.  Our walls are not bright yellow:)

It’s so normal in the blog world to always focus on the positive, and I really don’t want to be a downer, but surely I’m not the only one who struggles with this?  Am I alone in being my own biggest obstacle to achieving everything I want for my life?  Sometimes I just ask myself “why are you procrastinating on the things you care about most?” “Why are you not focusing your intentions on the things that are most important?”  “And why do you spend more time wishing for things in the future, rather than living in the present?”

So that’s me lately.

And so as not to leave on a dreary note, here’s some amazing fall food that has been warming me through and through:)

Making homemade pizza crust

The best thing about this crust was the process of making it.  There’s something therapeutic about making homemade bread.

Unfortunately it was a total fail.  I used too little yeast and didn’t let it sit long enough + I used all spelt flour when I probably should have incorporated in some white flour.

Even with leftover veggie spaghetti sauce from the other night and shredded vegan cheese, it still tasted terrible.

The side of broccoli saved the day!  Sprinkle on a little sea salt, and you’ve got yourself heaven on a plate.

I also used that same leftover homemade spaghetti sauce in a mix with kidney beans and sauteed swiss chard.  All piled on a tiny bed of pasta.  The sauce was definitely the star of this show.

Oh wait.

I take that back.  The kabocha squash ruled again!  I seriously cannot get enough.  I actually bought a whole ‘nother one this afternoon.  I’m thinking maybe soup this time…

Yes, I think soup could be just the thing.

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12 Responses to “getting real”

  1. Well, first off on the pizza – I have been using a combo of spelt, whole-wheat, and whole-wheat pastry flours. Whole-wheat seems to be too heavy, but I read that the WW Pastry is lighter, more like a white would be.

    Now, on to the serious stuff. Girl you are SO not alone. I struggle with these things myself. I am my own worst enemy. I really need to just slow down, take things for what they are sometimes. Of course, then you can say to yourself, if I’m just content, then how will I get farther ahead with any goals? Kind of a catch 22. I think sometimes seeing all the positive messages on the blogs can also be sort of a downfall – you start to doubt yourself, why am I not over the moon every single moment?

    [Reply]

    candice Reply:

    Yes, yes you are so right about ww pastry flour. I definitely need to try that next time.

    Thanks for the affirmation…it helps so much to know I’m not alone! And I guess despite the pitfalls of the blogworld, I’m still so thankful for the friendships and inspiration it brings. I’m lucky to have such awesome blends:)

    [Reply]

  2. Dorry says:

    We must be channeling each other (and we were both wearing our HLS shirts yesterday) because I have been experiencing very similar feelings lately. And I think it made it worse coming off a long vacation with such a big to-do list and I haven’t be able to get “anything” done. Or so it seems. And here I am reading and commenting on blogs. Ha. Anyway, just know I REALLY get it and I’m here if you want to email or chat about it. (Like we have the time, right?) :) Love ya friend.

    [Reply]

    candice Reply:

    Thanks, friend. It can definitely be sooo hard to get back in a groove after any kind of vacation – I can only imagine what it’s like after one like yours! So worth it though:)

    Same right back at ya:)

    [Reply]

  3. Kelly says:

    Sorry the crust didn’t work out. I have a lot of problem with pizza crust. I started using tortillas instead. Not the same but they work.

    You definitely aren’t alone in your struggle. I’ve often wanted to go to school for one thing or another. Every time I think of it and really get into it I come up with 1000 reasons why I shouldn’t. I’m too old. I’ll never use this in real life. It’s more of a hobby than a job. You’ll never make money doing this. Stuff like that. Everyone else has no problem believing in me but for some reason I just don’t feel smart enough to do it.

    [Reply]

    candice Reply:

    Great idea about tortillas. I’d probably be best off just sticking to something premade, ha!

    I have thought so many of those exact same things when I want to pursue something new. You literally took the words right out of my mouth! I think we have a lot in common:)

    [Reply]

  4. Hey there! What a beautiful post. It’s been a while since I’ve stopped by, and I definitely enjoyed your photography and your words. I agree with Heather that sometimes all the positivity in the blog world can be overwhelming. We are all human and no one is completely happy and thrilled with their lives and decisions 100% of the time;)

    [Reply]

    candice Reply:

    Thanks, girl! I’m so glad you came by:)

    And I totally agree with your comment. It’s so important to remember that everyone has struggles, even if we don’t see them! Must. work. on. that.

    [Reply]

  5. Your words really resonated with me today. Definitely feeling what you are feeling. I have an accountability friend that I share my health and fitness goals etc with. I’ve been holding back on writing down some solid goals out of fear of failure. I finally had to find the courage to put pen to paper and write them out and send them to her. I know I get overwhelmed by some of these blogs and I’m just trying to find my way. I think the important thing is to remain authentic. No need to apologize. I didn’t view your post as a downer at all. BTW I may have to snag a few of your quotes and put them on post-its in my bathroom :-)

    [Reply]

    candice Reply:

    Good for you for getting it out there! I do believe that’s half the battle. Well, maybe not half, but you get what I’m sayin’ :)

    “I know I get overwhelmed by some of these blogs and I’m just trying to find my way.” – I can so identify with this. I get so focused on what other people are doing that I lose myself in it, forgetting to even thing about what I want. This is something I’m really trying to grow in. A perfect opportunity for introspection and getting to know myself better and better.

    Thanks for the encouragement – you are such a great friend:)

    Oh, and feel free to snag the quotes! The ones on the left are from me, and the husband wrote the ones on the right. I love them all!

    [Reply]

  6. kate says:

    I dont even know where to begin – all I know is that we all are at that point sometimes! I love your inspiration board, a great tool to remind you of all your strength and power! Have a fantastic week.

    [Reply]

    candice Reply:

    Thanks, girl! I definitely need a constant reminder – this one is kind of hard to miss:)

    Hope you have a great week too!

    [Reply]

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