Awhile back, after being inspired by a fellow blogger, I signed up on a website to receive daily affirmation in the form of email messages. I usually would rather give my right arm than hand over my email address to anyone that wants to send me daily messages, but the encouragement I got from the one posted by my friend was just what I needed to hear that day and I thought it might be a good thing. Since then there have been several days on which the message really hit home for me, and today is another one of those.
So often we find that our individual experiences in life may not have been as beneficial to us as they were for others. Life works in such a way.
We all have our own journey to travel…an individual journey that is meant for us, but we also get to live through things that are not so much about us at all. Sometimes our trials or our blessings or our lessons are meant for the people who we surround, or who surround us. It’s important to remember that people are watching the way you handle things in your life, they are learning so much from you and your strength and your grace and your wisdom. It’s important to remember how much we can help each other along their way because of what we have learned or what we remember.
It helps make sense of things too…when we can recognize our ability to be a miracle in the life of others…in a way that we never could have had we not traveled the path that we each have traveled.
The truth is that each and every one of us has our own crosses to bear. I know that my life is so very blessed – I have my health, my marriage, a wonderful family, a home, an education, and so many other things that a lot of the world doesn’t have. I’m so thankful for it all, and I don’t take it lightly.
But I also have my own cross to bear. And somehow, in the thick of things, knowing how blessed my life is doesn’t make that cross any less heavy…it doesn’t make it hurt any less. I struggle daily with trusting that God has a purpose for this issue in my life and that it is ultimately for good, even though deep down in my heart I do believe it to be true. And I long for the day when that purpose is revealed to me.
I truly want to handle everything that comes in my life with grace, wisdom and strength, but I honestly have never thought about doing so for someone other than myself. As humans we have so much influence over each other – we impact other people in ways we never imagined we would, and I don’t want to let selfishness guide my actions and reactions to events in my life. Even if the only person I influence is my sweet husband, that is worth the world to me. A million times over, it’s worth digging deep, finding a way to respond with peace and faith in the midst of uncertainty.
And for me, it does help make sense of this seemingly purposeless thing that I’m going through – to think the purpose could be greater than myself and the way I handle it could make a difference for someone else. I’m seeing it all from a different angle, and in the moments of deepest questioning and hurt, I feel a bit more grounded by realizing that it’s not all about me.
I really needed to get these thoughts out. A times I worry about sharing some things here, but this blog is an outlet for me. It helps me process, and when I finish writing it’s like parts of me that once felt so heavy seem a bit lighter, and I see more clearly. One of the many reasons I’m so happy to have this space.
other posts you might enjoy...
6 Responses to “it’s not about me”
- here i am|Chia Seed Me - [...] Infertility. [...]