Written on Thursday ~
Well, today is day 5 in the hospital, and I’m still pregnant, so that’s reason to celebrate for sure! I’m wanting to keep updating every day, but it’s proving to be a challenge. When this is all said and done, I want to be able to remember what happened each step of the way, so updates may get a little tedious. Also, they’re wanting me to stay laying on my side as much as possible, which makes typing a bit difficult, but I’m working with what I’ve got. Things are definitely getting interesting around here:)
On Tuesday morning they reduced my dosage of magnesium which was great, and I started feeling almost like a new person. Unfortunately, sometime Tuesday evening my contractions started back up again. I almost fell out of the hospital bed when the nurse told me that my doctor wanted to raise my dosage back up higher than what it had even been before. I honestly couldn’t imagine what that was going to do to me, and I was pretty nervous.
My mom and sister had come up that afternoon and washed my hair for me (yay!) which was quite the process for sure. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m pretty high maintenance about being clean and having my hair clean, so this whole “can’t get out of bed thing” is proving to be a challenge. Praise the Lord for sweet nurses, husbands, sisters and moms who are here to help a girl out:)
Also on Monday afternoon, I had two other visitors – one was the girl who I ended up buying my newborn sized cloth diapers from, and the other was our Sunday school teacher’s wife who came bearing cheesecake! Needless to say it was an epic afternoon. Maybe a little too epic? I don’t know if all the excitement might have contributed to the contractions starting back up again, but I’m being a lot more careful now.
So, back to Tuesday night. They decided to up my dosage exponentially. Jon and I spent the evening watching the Thunder game as the magnesium slowly made its way through the IV line and back into my body. Tuesday night was pretty rough obviously as I was delirious and the nurse was coming in every hour to check on me. Sleep was definitely not even a consideration for Jon or I. But the good news – the contractions subsided again. By Wednesday morning, my doctor decided to dial the magnesium down to a more normal level again. It’s funny because when I’m on a normal level, I tend to forget I’m on it at all because it’s such an improvement from the heightened dosage. So, yesterday I was on a pretty normal level and I didn’t have any contractions, and now today he’s dialing it down even more as he’s trying to wean me off. He checked in with me early this morning and just said he’s going to let me go off of it and we’ll see what happens, but I may have to go back on.
So at this point it’s literally just a waiting game. We’re praying I can stay off the magnesium (he’s putting me on a milder pill instead) and not have any contractions. I’m trying to stay laying down and limit social interaction as much as possible. I definitely have moments where I feel like I’m going to go crazy, but I just keep thinking about how bad I want our baby boy and girl to stay inside me. Their heartbeats are a constant background noise in our hospital room and serve as a super motivating reminder of why I’m here.
Honestly, deep down I’m scared about what’s to come. I’m scared about the unknown. Mostly I’m scared about our babies coming early and having problems that I can’t fix for them. But I’m really trying to focus as much as possible on what I have to be thankful for. It sounds cliche, but I am so so thankful to have these two little babies inside me just waiting to come out. I feel confident that one way or another they’re going to be okay, and that’s what’s keeping me going. I’m praying constantly that God will help them grow and develop as fast as possible, but most of all that He will be glorified through all of this. I know He has a plan for the each of our little ones, and this is just the beginning. It’s hard to trust that this scary and difficult time is a part of that plan, but I know it is.
Thank you all for the sweet words of encouragement and prayers. We are definitely feeling them as we go through this day by day, and we feel so blessed.