candice|Chia Seed Me

Jan 28, 2012 Posted by candice on Jan 28, 2012 in Uncategorized | 12 comments

we’ve got news…

God has blessed us beyond what we ever could have imagined.

We are SO thankful!!

it’s up to Him

Tomorrow might be the first day of life for our first sweet baby.

I am so far beyond excited. And thankful. And I would be lying if I said I’m not scared to death as well.

We are slated to arrive at the hospital at 6:30 tomorrow morning for retrieval. The last few weeks have been such a challenging whirlwind. We’ve given me shots while standing anywhere from the Whole Foods parking lot to a stairwell we snuck into during a Halloween party to the middle of the Colbie Caillat concert. Life has carried on despite the ultrasounds, blood work, pills and needles…but it’s been different. The anticipation of this IVF event has changed the tone of everything the last several weeks. And it’s all come down to the next couple of weeks (no pressure).

I have never prayed harder in my entire life than I have in the last few weeks. I’ve prayed constantly that God would enable my body to do what it’s supposed to do. So far, He has. Everything leading up to now couldn’t have gone better, and I couldn’t feel more confident going into this next phase. Unfortunately that doesn’t make our percentage any higher, but I am so thankful that He has chosen to bring us this far.

I’ve also prayed that God will give me the courage to trust him first and foremost. That whether our little babies survive and have the chance to develop or not, I will trust Him with our future. I will trust that He has a plan, and that plan will be carried out no matter what. This is my biggest request to my Heavenly Father. I believe He is faithful.

So, please pray with us. I’ve got needle marks all over, cramps in my stomach and emotions ranging across the board. But I’ve got so much hope inside. I’ve tried to figure out how to walk the tightrope of being positive, but protecting myself for so many months; this month I stopped trying. I put my heart out there, and I’ve done every thing I could…

Now it’s all up to Him.

thoughts on adoption

For the longest time, Jon and I have felt God urging our hearts toward adopting a baby. For whatever reason the Lord has, this urging has always been in the direction of international adoption, specifically. We are both passionate about travel and other cultures and adopting from another culture seems to fit that. We of course realize that there are babies right here in our own country who are in need, but that doesn’t make the homeless babies in Thailand (for example) any less homeless. Even though we didn’t feel quite ready for a baby at that time, our visit to a Thai orphanage in 2008 watered the seed that God had planted in our hearts, nourishing our desire to bring a baby just like this little girl home one day.

Throughout the course of our journey through infertility, our excitement and longing for adoption has intensified ten-fold. I’ve said so many times that before we would do IVF, we would adopt. It honestly has never made a big difference to me whether our baby would come to us biologically or through adoption. I ache to experience both joys – feeling a baby grow inside me and welcoming a baby from another place into our lives. But the decision is not always that easy. God has blessed us with amazing insurance, which covers such a large portion of infertility treatments. For that reason alone we feel compelled to try for a biological baby first. In addition, the issues I had that were taken care of in my surgery back in May are recurring. So, as time goes on, they are slowly coming back, renewing their curse on my body and lessening my chances of ever conceiving a baby. With this in mind, we decided that if we were ever going to do everything we could to get pregnant, now is the time.

I still long every single day to start the adoption process. When I see a family with an adopted child, my heart aches in the same way it does when I see a pregnant woman or a precious little newborn. I was looking through some old journal entries, written in the past year and a half, and I found this entry, penned in April of this year right before my surgery.

April 4, 2011
Dear little McCoy,

I know I don’t know you yet, little one…but I already love you so much. Your daddy and I have been talking about you for the longest time, and we cannot wait until we get the chance to have you as a part of us.

Here in just a little bit I’m taking the first step to find out how you might come to be. Your mommy doesn’t know if you will come into our family as a tiny newborn that has grown inside me or as a precious baby from another country, but I want you to always know that I pined for you for so long, and I already love you more than there are stars in the sky, regardless of how you come into our life.

I know that God has a plan for you and for your life, and I’m praying for that plan all the time. I think about you every day, and deep inside my heart I long to be able to rock you, play with you, teach you about Jesus and show you the world .

Just the other night, we went to a mexican restaurant in town for dinner. Because it’s the best mexican food in town, there is always a long wait to be seated, so we claimed a bench spot in the already crowded waiting area. As we sat down, I noticed that the family to our right was busy corralling two little girls, who I’m certain were from somewhere in east asia. The mom and dad looked to be about our ages, and they were wearing shirts that indicated they were from our college town. Looking to be about 3 or 4 years old, these little girls were so precious. Probably appearing a little creepy, I couldn’t take my eyes off them the entire time. I was mesmerized by how much my heart ached to have little girls just like them as my own. My eyes began to fill up as I sat there feeling so intensely as if that should be us. Should is a funny word, I know.

Sometimes I want so badly to just quit everything we’re doing now and start our adoption story. I’ve spent a lot of time researching steps of the process, agencies, countries, expected hardships, the financial aspect etc., and I’m so ready to begin something that is going to be a sure thing in the end. This cycle of uncertainty, waiting and heartbreak is just so trying.

That being said, I know that we are very blessed to be given this opportunity and that not everyone is put in a place where they can go to these extreme measures to build their family. Despite my impatience to begin adoption, I still pray every day and thank God for providing us a way to try and get pregnant. I don’t take it lightly, and regardless of what happens, I’ll always be so grateful that we had the chance to pull out all the stops and really go for it.

I wanted to take a moment and write down these thoughts, so down the road I’ll remember exactly where our hearts were during this time. I pray to God that this works and I get the privelege of giving birth to a baby that is half me and half Jon. And regardless of whether that happens or not, I have faith that our dream of bringing a baby home through adoption will come true as well. It just depends on when and how. I can’t wait to see how the Lord decides to build our family.

thursday thoughts

I realized something this afternoon.

I had just gotten home from school and sat down on the couch to try and decompress for a few. I hopped on one of my favorite blogs only to see that she was doing a giveaway for a maternity dress saying, “you should enter if you’re pregnant or trying.” Before I could even contemplate it for five seconds, I found myself closing the window, thinking “well that’s not for me.”

Quickly approaching is my greatest chance ever (thus far) of becoming pregnant (49% to be exact). And yet I realized today that I don’t truly believe it can or will happen. Cuddled up with a blanket and Olive, comments I’ve made recently and thoughts I’ve had started swimming through my mind. Why am I not believing this can happen for me?

I’ve been attempting to get up as many mornings as possible and do a yoga workout (I use an awesome app called Pocket Yoga). This morning – for the first time – I took my time in savasana to really envision the next 4-6 weeks. I envisioned every bit of the process and the outcome. Laying on my back, staring up at the dark ceiling, I pictured myself joyfully declaring “it worked!” and allowed myself to soak up the inexplicable elation that would consume me if I had the privilege of making such an announcement. In an effort to protect myself from disappointment, I usually don’t allow myself to go there. But deep inside I feel it’s important to believe that it can happen. That it will happen. And I want to believe it. How can I make let myself believe it?

For the past 17 months I’ve carefully teetered on the line between protecting myself from disappointment and allowing hope to course through me. But this is it, you know? Not that this is my absolute last chance ever, but we’re pulling out all the stops. I guess I’m just so scared to let myself go. And yet I’m scared not to.

- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -

I’ve got a lot on my mind tonight. Today when I got to work, there was an impromptu staff meeting called. We all gathered in the library with our principal to learn that one of our students passed away last night. It was a completely random and unexpected incident, and to say that everyone was in shock would be a major understatement. It was a sophomore football player, and the fact that my class roster shows nothing but sophomores made it an even more difficult day. Seeing the kids confused and hurting really hit me hard. First, it made me want to hug every one of my students today and tell them how much I care about them, and second, it made me feel compelled to try and keep a good perspective about everything that’s going on. I really am thankful because as painfully difficult as infertility is, it’s the worst thing I’ve had to deal with in my adult life, and I know that is a serious blessing.

Heavy stuff tonight.

On a lighter note – I just finished an amazing vegan chocolate chip cookie from Oklahoma City’s very own…..Whole Foods, which opened it’s doors for the first time last night!

bullet points

I’m not even going to begin welcoming myself back and making excuses for the months that I’ve been MIA. It sounds like much more fun to just cut to the chase….bullet point style. There have been many things going on over the last couple of months – some more welcome in my life than others.

We took a mini trip to Dallas and bought new living room furniture! Buying a new couch was way overdue, and we finally just went for it. We got a really great sectional that fits our living room perfectly and seats so many more people plus a dining set. We are loving it them!

I started a new job. Teaching. If you’ve been reading CSM for more than a year, you know that the path I’ve walked with teaching has been rather…bumpy. There have been many highs and lows and unexpected twists…so it should have come as no surprise when yet another crazy change landed in my lap. Backing up a bit…last May I started teaching international students at a language school in our new city. I absolutely loved it. You guys know that international students are where my heart is, and I was seriously thriving. And then I got a text from my best friend and former teaching co-worker. And it changed everything. One day I was just fine, and 24 hours later I was making the decision to quit my job and go back to my old school as a sophomore English II and PreAP English teacher. It was a combination of being flattered, being offered a brand new classroom with great technology and a window, being lured back by my teacher friends and not wanting to say no to the money. I was never completely sure those were great reasons to go back, but for some reason it just seemed right. Now, almost halfway through the fall semester, I can honestly say it was the right decision. I LOVE my kids. I never knew I could enjoy students so incredibly much. To be blunt, I think I just really had a bad batch for my first year of teaching. But this time I’ve been blessed with some really awesome students. It has still been stressful. And I wanted to kill myself over 170 essays last month, but I truly feel like it’s worth it.

We’ve started the IVF process. Obviously, we are still wandering through the injustices of infertility, seeing as how you have yet to see a CSM baby announcement. Last month, after trying multiple other strategies, my doctor recommended that we start this process. We’re a little over 2 weeks in, and honestly, it’s making me crazy. I’m currently on birth control to regulate my body, and later this week I’ll start my first round of injections. I’m not looking forward to it, but I’m just doing my best to stay positive. I’ve been dealing with so many issues and feelings over the last couple of weeks – fear, hope, anxiety, excitement, impatience, thankfulness, anger, hormonal mood swings, constant headaches, numbness – just to name a few. It’s not getting any easier, and I’m not sure it will until this is over and we know the outcome. There’s so much more that could be – needs to be – said on this…but another time.

We took at trip to the state fair! Enough said.

We went to Washington D.C. Last year I tagged along with Jon on his work conference trip to D.C. And I completely fell in love! After accepting my new job, I wasn’t sure I was going to get to go again this year, but we made it happen. It was just as great as I remembered. Because we did so much sightseeing last year, we enjoyed a few less sights and a little more relaxing this year. We added on a couple of extra days to the front of the trip as a sort of vacation…and then I flew solo the other days. It was much needed time away.

it rained almost the entire time, and it was freezing!

I’ve missed blogging. I truly have. In the midst of the emotional highs and lows of the last couple of months, I oftentimes find myself retreating a little bit. I find myself saying that I really just want to crawl into a whole and hide until all this is over, and at times I feel like I have no energy left for relationships or the things I love in life. I know these feelings are only temporary – a result of medication and just a stressful phase of life, but it’s not a good place to be. So, tonight I’m stepping out. For the first time in a while, I’m not allowing myself to be defeated.. Tonight is all I can commit myself to right now. But right now it’s all I need. Tomorrow will be another day.

twenty-eight years

Last weekend I celebrated 28 years of life.

The husband worked so hard all week to put together the best birthday party ever. It was themed. And there were drinks. And an incredible spread of food.

And of course….the best cupcakes in town.

There was homemade lemonade and non-alcoholic sangria.

And best of all? All the people I love most in the world.

And when everyone was full of tacos and salsa, we played games.

Of course there were gifts (which were perfect), despite the “don’t bring gifts, just a good time” printed at the bottom of the invitation.

One of my favorite students, Blue, and favorite co-workers, Shelly, stopped by to visit.

Earlier in the day, Blue cooked an amazing spread of Arabic food for my family to enjoy. He made everything from some potato pastries (that’s what I call them anyway:) to kabobs, to fruit salad, pudding and cake. It really was incredible. International students are awesome.

Falling three days after my actual birthday, it was such a perfect way to celebrate a whole new year of life.

Last year at this time, I made a list of 27 things that I wanted to accomplish in my 27th year. Some of them I did succeed at, and some of them I didn’t. This year of life showed me that sometimes our best thought out plans are not quite as great as we imagine them to be.

So, it turns out that I didn’t quite get 20 books read, didn’t get our car paid off, have yet to open up a CSM t-shirt shop and definitely wrote a lot less.

But, here are the unexpected things I did do: started trying to have a baby and instead began my battle with infertility, had surgery for said infertility, became a certified yoga instructor, tutored the sweetest students in the world, said goodbye to our sweet little house and our college town, lived with my mom and step-dad for four months, moved to Oklahoma City, supported the husband in accepting a new job, built a house, started a new job, became an aunt for the first time, quit the new job and then started another new job (more on this to come!).

Needless to say, aside from our year spent living in Thailand, this has definitely been our craziest year yet. And even though we’ve faced some of the most trying challenges of our lives, we have grown so much. Number one on my list was “fall more in love with my Savior.” I have to be honest and say that for while the opposite was happening. At times my anger and confusion over infertility gave way to questioning and stepping away from God like a small, defiant child.

And while I still have many questions, and I still don’t understand everything I want to understand about God, I’ve come to one conclusion. And that is despite whatever happens in life – whether good or bad – He is there.

For the entire first 26 years of my life, I took what I’d been told about God and I counted it as absolute truth. I never questioned it. I never really thought much about it on my own. And for the first time this year, I’ve questioned God. I’ve doubted Him. And while I wish I could say that my faith has been perfect, I have deepened my relationship with Him far beyond what I imagined before. I’ve come to the realization that I would much rather question Him, than never be challenged enough or think deeply about Him at all.

I can not even begin to imagine what this next year will hold for me. My prayer is that our family of two will become a family of three. We will be able to continue pursuing our dream of launching our own business. I’ll be able to love my job. And we’ll continue building and deepening relationships. But I’m holding onto those things very loosely, with an open fist, keeping in mind that He is in control. And remembering to not count too much on the plans that I lay out for myself.

Here’s to another year.

a lovely breakfast

Thank you all so much for the sweet responses to my post from Monday. I couldn’t have asked for more encouragement and understanding than what you all showed me. It was a difficult post to write, but once I put it out there I felt immense relief. It felt really good to be open about everything, and your words brightened my spirit.

On Monday afternoon I had another doctor’s appointment, and the news was not what I wanted to hear. For certain reasons, my doctor feels it’s best to hold off from doing another treatment this month and instead give my body a month to rest. It’s hard to feel like I’m just sitting back, making no progress. But I trust my doctor one hundred percent, so I’m trying to just distract myself and not dwell on it. One thing I’ve learned more times than I would have liked is that it is not a good idea to put timelines on this process. I get ideas in my head about when I want things to happen by, and so far I’ve been let down every time. I’m working on letting go of any plan I have and just focusing on other things in life instead. Easier said than done, right?

In other news, I’ve been trying out some awesome vegan recipes as of late. My new kitchen was calling my name from the second we moved in, and I have seriously been in heaven since I started cooking again!

One of my favorites from the last couple of weeks is one I snagged from Vegan with a Vengeance. I’m telling you – if you don’t have this cookbook yet, you must pick up a copy. Everything single recipe I have made from it has been awesome (see here, here and here)…and this was no different.

The husband and I woke up late last Saturday morning…okay, he woke up late, and I woke up even later. And when I dragged myself into the kitchen, he had all the ingredients laid out for a lovely little breakfast of pumpkin waffles. After some intense discussion, we decided to nix the waffles and try out this scone recipe from VwaV.

He made chocolate chip.

And I went with blueberry (his were better).

But they were both delicious. I think I ate about 4 scones in the following 12 hours.

A lovely Saturday indeed:)

I hope you all have had a great week, and are looking forward to an even better weekend.

What is your favorite cookbook – vegan or non-vegan?

Mine is a tie between VwaV and Eat Drink and Be Vegan. Couldn’t live without those two!

here i am

This weekend, for the fourteenth time, my heart felt as if it was broken into a million tiny pieces.

For the fourteenth time, I found out that once again, I will not become a mom this month.

Over the past several months, things have been pretty quiet around here. I found out the hard way that when something difficult is going on in your life that you’re not quite ready to tell the world about, putting your everyday life out there becomes pretty tough.

Infertility.

A word that used to seem distantly scary…something that only happened to other people…has somehow become a constant in my life. I wake up to it at 5:30am every morning, thermometer in hand, and every night when I go to sleep it’s by my side. It tortures me in the most random moments of my day, reminding me that there’s something not quite right with me and leaving me in it’s dust wondering – am I worthy?

Every month is another identical path: I attempt to walk the fine line between protecting myself from disappointment and staying positive and hopeful until the truth arrives. Then, like the opening of a dam, all the positivity I had built up gives way as sadness, hurt and disappointment wash over me. Back to square one. Let’s do it all over again.

For many months I was so angry. Angry at myself. At God. At the world. But God is changing me. In this fallen world, there is so much sadness, hurt and disappointment, but He walks with us through it all. He calls us to praise him. Whether in the happiest times of our lives or the darkest days, He is there. And He deserves our praise. And I am finally beginning to see His work in my life through this situation. It has taken a long time, and my faith has at times been hanging on by a thread. But He never leaves me.

I’ve come to a place where I can feel the tears soaking the sheets and grieve over what could have been – what I prayed would have been – but in the same breath thank Him that He loves me. And thank Him that He has saved me. Among so many other things.

For a long time I didn’t want to tell anyone about this. I’m not sure why I wanted to keep it private….truly, I don’t have a reason. Maybe I was afraid of what people would think. Maybe it just seemed too personal. But over the last several weeks, I’ve found so many reasons why I want to talk about it here.

First, I need to. I need an outlet for the anxiety, doubt, guilt, fear…all the emotions that I filter through each month. And as always, like a knight on a white horse, writing comes to my rescue. Somehow writing and then stashing it on my hard drive just doesn’t feel the same as putting it out there to be read by real people. Which brings me to reason number two.

Community. I’ve said a million times that this community has been such a blessing to me. When I read a blog post from someone who is dealing with the same things I am, there is a connection that somehow helps ease the pain. It reminds me that I’m not alone. It helps me feel a little less crazy. If I can connect with other people though this and offer to someone else even a small escape from the loneliness, then it’s worth it.

Third…I want people to know my heart. I want to have a child so badly. I feel it as a deep ache all the way into the depths of my heart. Every. Single. Day. But on the outside no one would ever know. I want to be a transparent person. Someone who is open, who people feel as if they really know.

So, here I am.

I’m scared in so many ways. I’m scared of who all is going to read this and what they will think. But I’ve come to the point where this infertility is too much a part of my life, and I find too much joy in sharing my life through this blog to let it keep me away.

ChiaSeedMe is not going to become an infertility blog. While my journey to having a baby is a part of who I am, so are all the things I’ve always loved – healthy living, food, fitness, photography and all the little things in life. I will always write about those things. But I need to write about this too. I understand if some of you are completely uninterested – please feel free to just skip the posts about this topic if you’d like. But I’m ready to include all aspects of my life in this little blog now. And I hope you’ll all stick around.

So here’s to being real. And here’s to fighting every battle in life with an open heart and trust in Him. Seeking out the good in everything that life brings and letting the hurts soak through us, feeling them, and keeping on going.

happy 5

Last weekend the husband and I took off to celebrate our fifth year of being husband and wife. Full of sleeping in, shopping and long conversations over good food the weekend was every bit as sweet as I’d imagined it.

I still remember the onslaught of unsolicited advice we received the summer we got married about how difficult marriage would be and how things would never be the same again.

Well, things have certainly not been the same. They’ve been so much better. I’m not trying to paint an unrealistic picture of roses and rainbows, but there’s no doubt at all that my happiest years have been the years since I was joined with him. Marriage gets a bad name from so many people these days, but I can tell you for a facet that there are happy marriages too. I don’t buy for one second that marriage is constant hard work.

Everything really is better when we’re together whether we’re exploring our new city, working at home or falling asleep at night. Choosing him to be by my side was the best decision I’ve ever made.

When times are tough as they so often are, I am most thankful for our love and friendship. Someone to talk things through with, cry with and sometimes just sit in silence with – he’s my rock.

I’m so excited about all the life we’ve lived together in these five years – living overseas, parenting a puppy, new jobs, six moves, living with parents and building a house – and I am so ready for the adventures the coming years will bring. I think life will only get more challenging as more responsibilities come our way and we continue to live through heartbreak and struggles, but the joys will be so much deeper too.

I love you, dear. And I’m the luckiest girl in the world.
Happy 5.

we built a house

when we first decided to build our house, we named this song as our theme song for the project. not very good video quality, but it was the best I could find.

A little over five months ago, the husband and I decided to do something a little crazy. Having always been the types for adventure, we rarely take the simple route when it comes to big events in life, whether it be moving overseas for a year, running a marathon together or in this case – moving in with my mom and step-dad for four months and building a house.

But I’m happy to say we have a lot of life and learning tucked under our belts, and even in the midst of the most difficult and trying moments I’m so enthralled by doing life together. The house building process was at the same time one of the most exciting and one of the most stressful projects we’ve tackled to date.

There were so many moments, on those long drives home after work where I just kept throwing out the question of why. Why in the world did we sign up for this? It’s so stressful and difficult. But at the same time there were many feel good moments when we saw the results of our determination come to fruition through even the littlest details – air ducts being installed, the addition of light switch plates, or the little tree in our front yard, however dead it may be:)

I love when I walk around various rooms of our house, and every little piece has a story and a vivid memory.

“…remember when I got on your shoulders in the pitch dark of night and tried to make a big ‘x’ on our dining room ceiling so they’d know where to hang that light?”

or

“…remember the time we celebrated my new job by using our drywall in the middle of the living room as a table for our cupcakes?”

or

“…remember that light that we ordered for our entryway only to realize upon it’s arrival that it was sized more for a hotel foyer than a modest sized house?

Overall it was worth every single decision, every moment commuting between work and my mom’s house, every disagreement and every stressful moment. We’re now able to add one more challenging life experience to our ever growing collection of adventures, and baby it feels SO good to walk in our home at the end of every day and say “we did this together.”

We closed on our 2nd house at 2pm on Friday, June 24th, two days past our expected date, and with the help of several family members (God bless them:), we moved in that night. However cliche it sounds, “good things come to those who wait” rang in my ears as we walked up the sidewalk to our house and the husband swept me up and carried me through the entry.

These days we’re loving all the extra time we have in the evenings, while trying desperately to revive our poor grass that was half dead before it was even laid. The husband has become quite good friends with the sprinkler, and I’m falling more in love with my kitchen every day.

We are so grateful for the opportunity to go through this process and most of all for the blessing of having our own home now. And of course one of the biggest highlights of it all has been getting our little baby dog back. I know she had a great time at my grandpa and grandma’s. They spoiled her rotten, and she loved every minute of it. But we missed her like crazy, and are loving every minute of having her back at home with us.

While she misses watching the cows and chasing squirrels all day long, I think she’s adjusting back to city life quite well. She’s finding her favorite spots inside and having a grand time exploring the neighborhood on our morning walks.

Now that we’re finally getting settled and life is beginning to get into a new routine, we’re ready and waiting for our next adventure.

What is the best adventure you’ve ever been on?

in our guest bedroom on a rainy night less than a week before we closed

Happy Friday!

By the way – while I don’t have very many inside pictures of our house to post right now, I’ll definitely put together a little photo tour once we get unpacked and the house doesn’t look like a tornado anymore. Trust me, you don’t want to see that.

happy july 4

Hi.

Obviously it has been a long time since I’ve been around. There has been so much going on in the last couple of months, and I hope to play catch up on everything in the coming days. I can’t really say exactly why I’ve been checked out for so long…I guess all the changes that have been happening around here have overwhelmed me, and I’ve been spending all my time and energy absorbing it all and tucking it into the small recesses of my mind. This time of life – the defeats and the victories – I’ve been swimming in every moment, and I want to learn and become a better me because of it all.

Since I last wrote, I have settled into my new job, we’ve moved into our house (yay!), we got Olive back (double yay!) and we became and aunt and uncle for the first time. I appreciate so much the sweet emails and messages you’ve sent since my surgery in May; I’ve said it before and I’ll say it a million more times – the blogging community is so incredible, and I’m so thankful to be a part of it. While I’m still dealing with some of the aftermath, I’m feeling pretty well overall, happy to be up and around. So, thank you.

Despite the novel I could write on everything from the recent past (there will be plenty of time for that), for now I just want to wish you all a late happy Fourth of July! I hope everyone had a relaxing and family filled holiday weekend. The husband and I soaked up every minute of it right up until late Monday night. Starting the day by swinging by our city’s parade, we were full of spirit and patriotism. I have to say, though, that I don’t think we’ll be found at another parade until we have children old enough to appreciate it. Parades are just not made for late twenties, childless families…or small paranoid dogs. I know it’s hard to believe considering how happy we both look;)

The day picked up after we got back home, though, as I hit the kitchen to create something epically festive for our evening family cookout. What started out in my head as a good old fashioned peach pie, quickly turned into Angela’s tarts (click for recipe!), made famous by her entry into Project Food Blog. When it came down to it, I just couldn’t bring myself to break out the Crisco…I haven’t changed that much since I’ve been away!

I followed the recipe almost exactly – minus just a few small changes. After much frustration over the custard not thickening, I finally decided to pour it into a saucepan and heat it on the stove-top, stirring continually. This worked much better for me!

I also opted to leave out the nutritional yeast, resulting in a white custard as opposed to yellow. I’m not a big custard person, so I’m sure white custard probably looks weird, but something about the yellow color really turned me off, and I don’t need any extra reasons for my family to think my food is weird. I liked it white:) And obviously, I also used different fruit options – raspberries, peaches, strawberries, and one lone blueberry.

I was really happy with the way these turned out, and (with a wary eye) most of my family enjoyed them!

I didn’t get many pictures of the rest of the evening – the fireworks and family time went undocumented. I’ve decided that for the most part, I thrive off photographing food and babies (Olive included of course.) Nothing else is quite as fun. So, I snapped a few too many shots of my swimsuit clad baby cousin and called it a night:)

The Fourth of July is a holiday that despite the sweat and sweltering heat you can’t help but love it. For me it’s always been about the sweet comfort of Grandpa and Grandma’s house, thick with the smell of grilled burgers (veggie burger for me, please) followed by the hazy smoke from firecrackers.

It definitely is still so much about that, but now that I’m older my heart is filled with gratefulness for the freedom that we have here. My new job has me mainly working with students from a country where women can’t even drive a car, and I’m burdened by the unfairness of it all. Perspective is found in facts like this, as I struggle to come to terms with seeming unfairness in my own life. And maybe for one minute, I can stop asking why for myself and instead ask why for an assortment of other folks, all the while thanking God that I was born in this great country.

Now that I’ve broke the silence, I’m looking forward to catching up on everything that’s been going on. Life just isn’t the same with a dormant blog trust me. I’m happy to be back.

And before I sign off, I positively have to leave you with a pic of my new baby nephew, Cooper. He is precious.

Have a great day!

okc half marathon part II

click here for part I

We all know that it really doesn’t matter how long it takes you to get across the start line in a race because the final results go by chip time anyway, right? Well, mostly.

The problem is that if you start fifteen minutes late, then you automatically are surrounded by runners who are in an entirely different pace group than you are. And most of the time not only runners who are slower, but also walkers. Don’t get me wrong, I have a huge level of admiration for anyone who can walk an entire half marathon, but it’s just a little frustrating when you’re trying to set a good pace and every ten feet you find yourself dodging people or having to stop entirely so as not to run over someone. Such was the first about 5 miles of our race, no kidding. Once we finally got going, I just wanted to go. Despite the freezing cold rain, I was feeling pretty positive and so excited to finally be on our way. My competitive side was definitely rising to the occasion, and I wanted so badly to set ourselves up to PR.

Other than dodging people and puddles, the first nine or ten miles were pretty uneventful. The first time we ran this race, I wasn’t as familiar with OKC, so I didn’t really know where we were on the path at any point in time. Which was probably good considering we did the full and I probably would have died had I known how far we were really running. But this time it was kind of nice to be able to take in all the neighborhoods, restaurants and streets that we’ve been exploring since making OKC our new home. We even ran down the exact same intersection where we got rear ended just a few short weeks ago. It was actually at that point that I remember looking sideways at this husband and saying “this is so fun!” haha. I’m pretty sure he gave me the evil eye in response. I was seriously having the time of my life, though. There were tons of spectators out, especially considering the weather…and it was so exciting. Moments like those are why I run races. There’s just nothing that compares.

I had known for awhile that the husband wasn’t having his best race day. You know how it is. Sometimes you’re on. And sometimes you’re just not. For whatever reason, the husband was just not “on,” and the freezing cold rain and wind definitely wasn’t helping. Around mile ten I started feeling a little sluggish and my legs were getting tired. But overall I was still in the game to keep pushing forward. We stopped at an aid station about that time and grabbed some orange slices, which I thought would give us just the right boost of energy to finish strong. But unfortunately it started causing the husband stomach cramps, and for him things just continued to go downhill.

It was getting colder by the minute, and by this point we were completely soaked through with rain. Every time we’d run under a tree, the wind would blow and dump a huge load of rainwater right on top of us. Honestly, the weather was so ridiculous that I couldn’t help but chuckle. It was just plain crazy to be out there, especially around mile 10-11 when it started lightening again. All I kept thinking about was how sorry I felt for the full marathoners (including my little cousin) who were for the most part barely at the halfway point.

Around mile 11 or so, the husband really started to be in pain. Poor guy. I felt so bad. He tried to get me to go on and leave him behind, but that was never an option in my mind. There may be a day where I set out to train for and run a race on my own, but so far in our running lives, the husband and I have stuck together. He’s my partner in everything, and as bad as I wanted us to PR, there was no part of me that wanted to finish that race without him by my side. It’s just like in life…everything (at least for the most part:) is better when we’re doing it together. So, I just tried to encourage him as much as possible; he was getting so frustrated with the situation, and I just kept reminding him that it was just a race. And in fact, it wasn’t even really a race for us…it was a run. All I wanted him to do was to be able to relax and enjoy the rest of it as much as possible. Otherwise, what’s the point in running?

I was so proud of the way he finished. Between miles 11 and 13.1 we had to walk for various short spurts, but he always started back up even when it was painful and not easy. When we got about a half mile from the finish line, we both laid it all out on the line, and we killed it. It was exhilirating. As we sailed toward the end, waiving to my mom and step-dad, I had flashbacks and visions of so many things – our first half marathon, our full marathon two years ago, our year in Thailand, our house, all the challenges we’ve faced in our five years of being married, and I felt so happy and complete.

These last ten weeks have been really tough. I honestly didn’t realize how tough they were going to be. So much in our life has changed and this transition of living out of my mom’s extra bedroom, starting new jobs, commuting, missing Olive, dealing with health issues, building a house…it is such a replica of the passion and dedication it took to train for and run that race. We were hesitant and a little bit fearful when we started out. We’ve had some major highs. And some serious lows. We’ve helped carry each other through – mentally and physically – when things have gotten really tough and seemed impossible.

And we’ll continue to press on, hand in hand, until the very end. We’ll be better individuals…stronger. And we’ll know each other more deeply and be able to support and love each even better. I’m so glad we ran this race. Even though it didn’t go anything like we expected, it was worth it a million times over.

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After the race, we grabbed some bagels and water and headed back to find my family. Both of my little cousins were still out, one doing the half and one the full, and I really wanted to watch them come in. After we stopped running though, we just got colder and colder (it even started to hail before the full was over). I think the temperature was in the upper 30’s by this point, and it was still pouring rain. I couldn’t feel anything from my knees down, my hands were throbbing, my face hurt….we waited around for about a half hour or so before we realized we might die if we didn’t get back to our hotel and get out of wet clothes. The walk back to our hotel was by far the most miserable part of the morning…I can’t even describe it. As soon as we got back, we had a quick photo shoot together since nobody had a camera at the finish, and then took the longest, hottest shower in the history of showers. I seriously never wanted to get out! No better way to end such a crazy, epic race:)

okc half marathon part I

To start, thanks so much for the well wishes and encouragement after yesterday’s post. Looking back at it, I realize that it sounded rather negative. That’s the kind of thing I’m less able to see clearly at three in the morning, ha. I appreciate all your kind words so much and they brightened my day; it never ceases to amaze me the kind of support one gets from the blog community. I am slowly feeling better today (no more ER trips), and I’m hoping and praying by the end of the weekend, I’ll be ready to jump back into real life. It never occurred to me that my recovery time would be this long, and I think that’s what has made it more difficult. But things could be so much worse, and I have so much to be thankful for, part of that being all of you. So, thank you.

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It completely blows my mind that it has been twelve days since we ran the OKC half marathon. Carrying on with our training throughout our moving/living with parents and job change process made it seem like it lasted forever, and now suddenly even the race seems like it was forever ago! I honestly have to say that while we stuck to our training schedule the best that we could during this season in our life, it wasn’t ideal, and it didn’t even come close to preparing us as well as our half three years ago. But we obviously weren’t running for serious time goals, and training together definitely gave us something to focus on and helped keep us active during these crazy last several weeks.

Not only were we not super well prepared physically, our mental game was also a little off. I was definitely ready and excited to run the race, but I just wasn’t super focused. The day before we spent some amazing time with friends from college and ended up getting back to our hotel super late. We decided at the last minute to stay in a downtown hotel primarily because my mom’s house is about 45 minutes from the race start and because we had enough points for a free night! We even got to take the baby along:)

So, after a late night and about five hours of sleep, we woke to our alarm and rolled out of bed to get ready. Thankfully we turned on the TV, and there was coverage of the race already on. It was at this point that we realized how crazy the weather was: forty degrees, windy and pouring rain. Further proof that our heads were just not where they should have been was that the weather forecast had predicted rain and colder temperatures all week, but for some reason we just hadn’t really paid attention. By the grace of God we had both thrown in a long sleeve running shirt just in case or we really would have been in trouble.

Just when we were finishing up getting ready, we heard the news announce that the race start had been delayed due to lightening. Cue the next sign that we weren’t really ready – I was a little bit relieved. We had been rushing around so much, and I just felt really scattered (which actually coincides nicely with how I’ve felt the last ten weeks or so) and disorganized…like I was forgetting something important. I couldn’t decide whether to take my iPod and risk it getting wet. Whether or not to take a gear bag to check in case I wanted to ditch my long sleeve right before the start (ha!). Whether or not to wear my headband or a hat. Etc etc. Let me break here and say to any of you who have not yet run a race: never wait until the morning of the race to decide these important matters! I should have made all the decisions at least the night before. But alas, I had not so I was frantically debating all these issues with the husband, who by the way was lounging in bed with Olive like it was the middle of Sunday afternoon. Clearly, we were on opposite ends of the spectrum, but he was every bit as mentally absent as I was.

After about another twenty minutes of watching the news, it suddenly hit me that if they were not going to delay the start another thirty minutes, then we should really be getting ourselves out the door and down to the start line. Again..hello?! So, I grabbed our gear check bag and my water bottle, and off we went. Once downstairs, the husband realized that he hadn’t brought his headband (his ears hurt if he runs in wind), so he had to go back upstairs and get it. At this point, I wasn’t super worried yet, but I was beginning to feel some urgency. The day before when we picked up our race packets from the expo, they had been out of programs (what!?), and because the start had been moved to a different location this year, we didn’t even know exactly where we were supposed to be headed. And it was still pouring rain.

We took off walking in the direction other people were going, and I distinctly remember the point where I started to stress. Looking at my watch, I realized that we couldn’t be more than about ten minutes from starting time, and with our gear check bag still in hand, we had no idea where we were even headed. About six blocks later, we found our way to the corral area, but it was all gated off, and I honestly couldn’t even tell which way everyone was headed in the corral. It was just so confusing! At this point I began to get a little frantic. There were people everywhere and it was all we could do to try and squeeze through the crowds. I kept asking everyone if they knew where the gear check was, and somehow not a single person knew anything.

Two minutes and counting.

The excitement in the crowd was overflowing (as was the rain), and we somehow ended up caught in the 5k corral. People were packed in like sardines, and they were not going anywhere. I kept trying to worm my way through, but despite the usual friendliness of Oklahomans, no one was even remotely willing to step aside. The husband and I were caught in a packed sea of people, having no idea where the gear check station or the actual start line even was….

and the gun went off.

I have to say at this point I felt so disappointed. I was so mad at us for getting ourselves in this position. If you’ve ever run a race, you know one of the best parts is the start. Everyone is so high on energy, and there’s a sense of euphoria that goes through you when the gun goes off and you start moving forward as a giant unit of runners, ready to embark on what you hope to be your best race ever. I just wanted to be there, but there was nothing we could do.

After about another ten minutes of trying to get through the 5K crowd (those 5Kers can be some stubborn folks I tell ya), we finally broke through. We took off jogging the opposite way of the runners in search of the gear check. Asking everyone we passed, we finally got some direction and found the station. I practically threw the bag at the gear check person, and the husband and turned back toward the corral…and then I spotted the bathrooms. Now typically, there is no way you could have paid me to waste another two minutes going to the bathroom when we were already 15+ minutes late starting. But really, at this point what did it matter? I seriously had to go, and I figured it would be better to go before our chip time started, even though the husband was looking at me like I’d lost my mind. Locking myself in the little porta potty, I quickly took care of business and then began to readjust my clothes when I heard something hit the floor. uh oh. My chapstick. Trying to block out the disgusting nature of the situation, I reached down and snatched it up and then stuffed it into the little zipper pocket in the back of my pants. Uh oh again. I immediately knew what had happened. Turning slowly, I gazed downed into the depths of the black hole, only to see my precious iPod headphones resting gently on top of the pile. I have to be honest here and say that for a split second I did consider fishing them out. But I quickly came to my senses, bid them a quick goodbye, and raced toward the start.

Finally at least heading in the right direction, I started feeling a little more positive. We weaved our way through some more 5K and 10kers and finally crossed the start line at about 17 minutes past start time.

to be continued…

an unexpected week

After spending the entire afternoon in the hospital today, it’s 3am and I can’t sleep.

It has been the craziest week and definitely hasn’t gone as I expected. So, I’m trying to sift all the wonderful things that God is trying to teach me out of the mound of uncertainties…and keep on going.

The primary reason (as there are many) behind my elusiveness from the past week is that I had surgery last Friday. Unfortunately, I’m not really ready to share with the world exactly what is going on, but I find it quite hard to write on my little blog while trying to sidestep the most major thing that is going on in my life right now.

So, I had surgery last Friday, and what was supposed to be a 45 minute operation turned into an hour and a half operation…which of course has extended into a seven day recovery rather than a two day recovery. And…being the genius that I am, I promised my new employers that I would begin my new position by substituting for a teacher who is on vacation for the entire week. Oops. Let’s just hope my first impression with them was super strong because otherwise they’re probably wondering what they’ve gotten themselves into. Either way. I actually went into work today for the first time, still feeling a little shaky, but ready to try and jump back out into the real world…only for it to end in disaster. Two hours later and the husband is picking me up on the side of the road and carting me off to the ER where I spent the next four hours in serious pain…and then three more after that just trying to get my bearings back and waiting to get out of there. All in all I’m just happy to be back home in my own bed with no more needles in my arm or awkward male x-ray techs. “I don’t care if you see the back of my hospital gown gape open – just get this x-ray done so I can get back in bed!”

I digress.

So that is that. I went ahead and took off work again today and tomorrow. Even though my first instinct is always to push myself the extra mile, I’m learning that sometimes I just have to listen to what my body is telling me to do. Novel idea, right?

This past week I have eaten very little aside from graham crackers. I don’t really have an appetite at all, and it’s hard to get much down. The poor husband has been subsisting on fast and frozen food, and that alone is really starting to wear on me. So today I shall spend the day mostly in bed, planning some meals before I venture out to our local Country Boy to get a few groceries. I’m praying they have hummus because I’ve slowly started craving it again…but I’m definitely not getting my hopes up! It is Country Boy after all.

In other news, the house is coming along nicely! Yesterday they were staining our concrete and the brick and stone had arrived. Our close date is set for six weeks from yesterday, and we’re still hoping to make it in by then. I’m looking forward to doing a real update soon, once I can get up there to take some pictures.

And of course I still have a long overdue half marathon recap still to come…

I’m so ready to get back into some sense of a normal life. These past 10 weeks have been very trying, but I know there is a purpose in them, and I know we’ll come out better in the end. I just keep thanking the Lord that I have my sweet husband and amazingly supportive family along for the ride.

things I’ve done lately

I find it so difficult to write a post after being gone for awhile. There is just so much to catch up on it’s overwhelming!

This couple of weeks or so have been so busy. Someone please tell me how I went from living in our small town, the husband and I both working 2 minutes from home, spending our evenings working on Outbox, blogging and playing with Olive to living with my mom, commuting an hour each way, job searching, building a house and having visiting hours with Olive…all in a matter of weeks! It has been an exciting time, but definitely hasn’t been without stress and tiredness. I had to force myself to let everything go quiet here for a little bit while I tried to keep my head above water. But I’m back for the time being and ready to catch up!

Here’s a bit of what I’ve been doing (in random order):

The husband, Olive and I visited Duncan for Easter. Of course mom and dad McCoy were there, but my brother-in-law and sister-in-law also came, carrying with them my (unborn:) nephew, baby McCoy. Have I told you I’m going to be an aunt???
Our house got sheet rock! We were surprised at how soon it went up – one day we drove out to check on things and we had gotten walls! It was so exciting to finally be able to really see how big the rooms will be and what it really looks like inside. Since then we’ve been scrambling to try and make final decisions on paint colors. counter-tops, back splash, lights etc. It’s been super fun, but also stressful. The hardest part is trying to envision what something will look like based on a tiny sample. Oh, and trying to decide where to spend money on upgrades and where to save. All I can say is it’s a good thing the husband and I agree on most things, or we’d really be in trouble. The other night we went to the house to try and mark on the ceiling where we wanted the dining room light to be moved to. This was harder than you might think seeing as how it was pitch dark and our ceilings are nine feet high. One thing I know for absolute certain is that I will never get on the husband’s shoulders in a pitch black room again…scariest thing I’ve ever done.

small and cozy. living in small spaces = less room to accumulate junk and less cleaning

master bathtub and shower

master bedroom

standing in kitchen looking into living room

looking from living room into kitchen

I started my new job! I was offered a job at the ESL Institute I told you about but instead of it being full-time teaching, I’ll also be responsible for other office type duties. I’ll be taking over communication with agents in the countries they work with – Korea, Taiwan, China, Vietnam – to be able to recruit students. I’ll also be in charge of trying to find home-stays for students once they get here and some other random things. I’m super excited about it. Next week though, I’ll be subbing full-time for one of the teachers who is going on vacation, so I’m spending part of this week preparing for that.

The husband and I celebrated my new job by eating cupcakes at the house!

I wore the husband’s shoes so I wouldn’t get my heels messed up

We spent the weekend with some friends who live in town and some from out of town. We were all good friends in college, but I hadn’t seen a couple of them in ages. It was such a breath of fresh air to spend time talking about old times and catching up on what’s going on now. One of my best friends from college, Hannah, has two of the prettiest and sweetest little girls who helped entertain us as well. We all tried a couple of new restaurants in OKC together, and reviews will be forthcoming!

Elyse and Ryan

Hannah and Todd

we stayed up way too late roasting marshmallows the night before our half marathon

The husband and I ran our 2nd half marathon! With pouring rain and thunderstorms the entire race (and hail right after we finished), it was rather interesting and it definitely didn’t go quite as we expected. But I still felt so proud and euphoric as we raced across the finish line, soaked to the bone. I’ll be posting a full race recap later, so stay tuned!

So, those are a few of the highlights of what’s been going on lately. I’m hoping to be able to pull myself together to start posting more regularly again, but as you all know life has to come first. We only have seven weeks left until we close on our house…it’s getting closer!

Miss you all so much and hope everything is going well

some thoughts

Thoughts on a Wednesday:

As you may have noticed, I haven’t cooked an actual meal in about 2 or 3 weeks. Reasons being – number one, we are never home until about 8:30pm or later and number two, it’s harder than you might think to share kitchen space when you don’t eat the same types of food. I miss my kitchen:)

I ran five miles this morning and felt pretty good until I got back to the car and couldn’t find my car key. 15 minutes later I finally founded it inside my shirt. Still contemplating that one…

We only have a week and a half until our 2nd half marathon. I’ve realized the last week or so that it will be a small miracle if we beat our first time. I’m currently trying to stifle my competitive side and not care.

The level at which I miss Olive is on the rise with every passing day. I thought these things were supposed to get easier with time?

Kathleen Grissom, the author of one of my favorite books – The Kitchen House, commented on my blog the other day. I’m still giddy with excitement over it.

Lately I’ve been a bit out of sorts, and I’ve narrowed it down to a few things: our one bedroom living quarters is cramped, cluttered and disorganized; because I currently live in our car more than anywhere else it is also cramped, cluttered and disorganized; I’ve been eating out most meals which means my pants are slowly getting a little bit more snug and our bank account is dwindling; my hopefully soon-to-be job is completely uncertain, and I have no control over what happens. Other than that everything is going pretty well;)

I am the absolute luckiest girl in the entire world to be married to the husband. Love that boy.

Happy Wednesday!

red dirt love

A weekend recap!

Friday

The husband and I are currently re-watching Lost through Netflix. We started watching it during our time in Thailand and completely fell in love with the show, especially the characters. One night we decided that we needed a new show to start watching, so we walked down to Night Bazaar, surveyed the available options and after narrowing it down between Grey’s Anatomy and Lost (neither of which we knew anything about), we decided on Lost. After which, we proceeded to watch every single season within about a month long period (could be slightly exaggerated). I think the show was technically in season five or so when we discovered it. We totally fell in love with it, and of course continued watching it once we moved back to the States. Anyway, it’s such a complex show that we recently decided to re-watch every episode, which has proven to be almost as exciting as the first round. We’re noticing and catching things that we never noticed before, and the story has become even more amazing. If you’re a Lost fan, you know what I mean.

So Friday night we had a Lost marathon and ate some pizza in bed. Yes, in bed. Our bed is essentially our new living room because my mom and step-dad don’t watch Lost. We spend a lot of time on our bed these days, which also really reminds me of Thailand because when we lived there our bedroom was the only room that was air-conditioned. Tropical country + no a/c = no further explanation needed.

I digress.

Saturday

After relaxing in bed (told you) for awhile Saturday morning, we headed to the city to get some house progress done! Most recently we got our a/c ducts and furnace installed as well as wiring throughout the whole house. With all the progress that’s happening, we’re realizing more than ever that we need to get on the ball with making decisions about the inside. We met with our design person in the early afternoon, and finally decided on our flooring – it feels so good to have one decision finally made! Our entryway, kitchen, living, dining and bathrooms will all be stained concrete, and our bedrooms with be a dark brown wood. I love the idea of juxtaposing the two materials, and I think it will add to the eclectic feel – which makes me happy!

Anyway, after house errands, we met with our accountant – finally finishing up taxes – and then decided to explore some more OKC restaurants, namely Iguana.

The husband had heard about this little mexican cafe, and it sounded divine. Upon pulling up to it, we knew it was going to be right up our alley. Situated at the edge of Midtown right beside the railroad tracks, it has a lively, modern atmosphere complete with indoor seating as well as a lovely outdoor patio. So so pretty. The service was fantastic – from the waiter who, upon bringing our setup, breezily stated “best chips and salsa in OKC” to the fast delivery of our meals. And the food was honestly the best mexican food I’ve had in Oklahoma, no exaggeration. There were a TON of veggie options, and everything (especially the salsa) was ultra fresh and delicious.

I ordered the veggie quesadillas, and the husband ordered a veggie burrito so we could split both. It was definitely way too much food by the end, and next time we’ll try to restrain ourselves by ordering just one dish to split…but we enjoyed every last bite, only leaving a few remnants behind.

Despite being so full, after we finished eating we walked next door to check out yet another cupcake shop – hey, it was too cute to pass up! SaraSara Cupcakes is a cupcakery we hadn’t heard of yet. The atmosphere was adorable, located in a two story old fashioned house – it surprises you when you walk in to find super modern decor.

The cupcake selection was pretty extensive, and the husband and I walked out with a red velvet and a mint chocolate in tow. To be eaten later of course…in bed. I’d say the atmosphere of this shop ranks just under Cuppies and Joe (for all you Oklahomans), but above Gigi’s and Pinkitzel. However, as far as taste GiGi’s cupcakes have still yet to be beat (in my opinion). Overall though, I’d choose Cuppies and Joe any day if I was looking for a great cupcake + great atmosphere. Love that place. No doubt we will be back to SaraSara though, and I will say I think you get more cupcake bang for your buck there!

Last stop of the night was a tiny little shop called Shop Good next door that we just barely noticed on our way back to the car. Intrigued, we ventured inside to discover a novel little place filled with vintagy and unique clothing, accessories and trinkets. What really makes it special though, is that every item in the store comes with an attached tag that indicates a specific cause to which part of the profit of that particular item goes. They currently have a partnership with “The Tapestry Project, an OKC-based nonprofit that’s working to address homelessness and poverty among marginalized women in a deteriorating neighborhood on the south side of the city.” [source] So not only did I come out with an awesome skirt and tee, but 5% of the cost went toward this awesome OKC charity. Epic. I love my city.

Sunday

Sunday started out bright and early with an eventful ten mile run. We had planted frozen water bottles along our route that morning, thinking they would be partially thawed out by the time we got to them. Unfortunately, it was quite a bit chillier than past weeks, and upon hopefully arriving to each bottle we realized each time that they were still frozen solid. Finally at about mile eight, we ran up on some sprinklers working hard to quench the thirst of the yard and sneakily took full advantage of them, getting huge mouthfuls of water as it ran down our chins. I was a new woman. We rocked the last two miles and came in at about an hour and fifty minutes. The weather was absolutely perfect for running – high 50’s with a slight breeze – and now I’m keeping my fingers crossed for similar weather at our race – which is in just 2 weeks! So excited!

Unfortunately, after spending about 15 minutes looking for the long sleeved shirt I’d ditched and hidden a little too well at mile 2, we were still an hour away from church and were already clearly going to be late, so we just hit up Panera looking way too dressed up. Though completely unplanned, it was a wonderful breakfast and we spent some time dreaming about plans for the future and all the great things that are happening right now. Love those kind of moments with the husband:)

More family time ensued in the afternoon when we picked up Olive and then followed my mom, step-dad, and grandparents to our new house. They hadn’t seen it yet, and we were so excited to show them; it meant so much to us that they came up to see everything. After the house, we caravanned around OKC, cruising by some cute houses in our favorite districts and then finally ending up at Subway for some quick dinner.

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Since moving to OKC, our weekends have become so much more full. We are LOVING all that there is to do here – the neighborhoods to explore, new restaurants to try, streets to walk. We love to go, do, see – and the city lends itself to that so much more. We’ll always love our little college town, and every visit back there will be so sweet…but I think I can officially say our hearts now belong in OKC. I’m so thankful for the opportunity to make our home here, and so excited for the future. I know OK isn’t a popular city, and many people probably still think it’s red dirt and cowboys, but it truly has so much to offer, and I hope we’ll be able to offer back to it in the years to come. And besides, a little red dirt never hurt anyone anyway.

What’s your favorite thing about the city you call home?

favorite things friday

I’m so excited it’s the weekend!

I haven’t been super productive today…unless you count spending hours browsing for decor inspiration as a major accomplishment. Although I have done several loads of laundry and gotten in a really great workout, so I haven’t been all bad.

Anyway, for a little Friday fun I thought I’d share just a few things that I’ve been loving lately!

First up, the book I just finished this week - The Kitchen House by Kathleen Grissom. Once it got going, I simply could not put it down. It was “one of those.” I highly recommend it!

Simple and healthy homemade meals. I’ve always loved to eat out, but lately I’m just really craving food from home, especially some of my old staples. Today was lovely getting to be home rather than taking all my food on the go.

whole wheat bread with roasted garlic hummus, broccoli slaw and spinach

kashi, green yogurt, frozen blueberries

Apartment Therapy. I’ve been getting tons of inspiration browsing this website for house decor ideas.
The husband and I are contemplating what flooring combination to do – stained concrete, wood, tile – so many options! I’m loving so many elements of this space right now.

These shoes I just bought to wear on Easter. Yes, I’m 27 years old, and I’m still buying clothing items specifically for Easter. Why not? It’s a great reason to get some new staples for the beautiful spring weather! Plus I just couldn’t resist the vintage modern vibe…and they’re comfy too:)

Dinners shared in the car with the husband while running house errands. Actually, just being in the car with the husband while running house errands. Who am I kidding?

And last, Dove dark chocolate. Just one square (okay, two) does the trick:)

Hope you all have a lovely weekend!

What is one thing you’re really loving right now?

randomness is good

Oh, boy….I’ve been dealing with taxes all morning – such a headache. How can it possibly be April 14th already?? Nothing like waiting until the last minute! I think we finally got it all sorted out. The husband and I like to make our taxes as complicated as possible by switching jobs, buying and selling houses, and owning our own business. Fun:)

Anyway, this morning I started off with a bowl of cereal – Shredded Wheat n Bran +Kashi, and by about 2 hours later I was starving. I have a very serious love for cereal, but it rarely keeps me full for long. Yesterday I was home in the morning for the first time in a while, and after taking a nice 4 mile run, I knew I needed something substantial for breakfast. I found some Van’s flax waffles in the fridge that we had brought over from our previous house, and I got so excited! Hadn’t had one of these in a long time, but they used to be one of my go-to breakfasts/snacks. I dressed it all up with some almond butter, sliced banana, chia seeds, and a drizzle of pure maple syrup. mmmm.

As my stomach rumbled one last time, I took a mouthwatering bite….

And it was hard as a rock. Seriously, I couldn’t even bite into it. Freezer burn I’m thinking? Guess it didn’t survive the move very well. I’m sure you can imagine my disappointment. Anyway, I just transferred the toppings + a new layer of almond butter over to an Ezekiel english muffin. Not quite the same, but it was okay. Lesson learned – check the frozen item before putting on your most expensive toppings…especially if said frozen item has been through a lot in its short life.

My morning began looking a up, however, when I decided to run through Panera to get an iced tea. I grabbed it to-go, got all settled in my car, and took off. About five minutes later, I glanced up for some unknown reason, and through my sunroof I could actually see my tea sitting on top of the car! Now tell me my little Mini isn’t a smooth ride, ha! I was just kind of amazed that it survived up there…so I took a picture of course. And by the way, our Mini is still for sale, so if anybody in the OKC area is looking for a fun little car with great gas mileage, look me up!

Anyway, newest update on our house is that we have shingles and electrical wiring – yay! Don’t worry, I won’t keep bombarding you with house talk every day. I think we’ll be waiting for inspections for awhile now, so we might not see much happen. We did have another appointment at the design center this morning, and we spent about 20 minutes picking out the door style that will go inside our house. It was ridiculous. It’s so fun picking everything out, but sometimes I feel like I would never even notice what type of doors we have on the inside, but because I have the opportunity to make the choice, I’m going to analyze it to the bitter end. And I’m still analyzing it. It happens with everything. Until suddenly it will hit me that no one (including me) really cares what the grooves look like on the doors inside our house – there are so many more important things I could spend my time thinking about. All about perspective friends:)

And now I’m off to grab some lunch and run some errands. This is probably the lamest post I’ve ever written, but I just wanted to drop in and say hi and also thank you for the sweet and encouraging comments on yesterday’s post. All the thoughtful words meant so much.

Hope you all have a great day! It’s almost Friday:)

it’s not about me

Awhile back, after being inspired by a fellow blogger, I signed up on a website to receive daily affirmation in the form of email messages. I usually would rather give my right arm than hand over my email address to anyone that wants to send me daily messages, but the encouragement I got from the one posted by my friend was just what I needed to hear that day and I thought it might be a good thing. Since then there have been several days on which the message really hit home for me, and today is another one of those.

So often we find that our individual experiences in life may not have been as beneficial to us as they were for others. Life works in such a way.

We all have our own journey to travel…an individual journey that is meant for us, but we also get to live through things that are not so much about us at all. Sometimes our trials or our blessings or our lessons are meant for the people who we surround, or who surround us. It’s important to remember that people are watching the way you handle things in your life, they are learning so much from you and your strength and your grace and your wisdom. It’s important to remember how much we can help each other along their way because of what we have learned or what we remember.

It helps make sense of things too…when we can recognize our ability to be a miracle in the life of others…in a way that we never could have had we not traveled the path that we each have traveled.

The truth is that each and every one of us has our own crosses to bear. I know that my life is so very blessed – I have my health, my marriage, a wonderful family, a home, an education, and so many other things that a lot of the world doesn’t have. I’m so thankful for it all, and I don’t take it lightly.

But I also have my own cross to bear. And somehow, in the thick of things, knowing how blessed my life is doesn’t make that cross any less heavy…it doesn’t make it hurt any less. I struggle daily with trusting that God has a purpose for this issue in my life and that it is ultimately for good, even though deep down in my heart I do believe it to be true. And I long for the day when that purpose is revealed to me.

I truly want to handle everything that comes in my life with grace, wisdom and strength, but I honestly have never thought about doing so for someone other than myself. As humans we have so much influence over each other – we impact other people in ways we never imagined we would, and I don’t want to let selfishness guide my actions and reactions to events in my life. Even if the only person I influence is my sweet husband, that is worth the world to me. A million times over, it’s worth digging deep, finding a way to respond with peace and faith in the midst of uncertainty.

And for me, it does help make sense of this seemingly purposeless thing that I’m going through – to think the purpose could be greater than myself and the way I handle it could make a difference for someone else. I’m seeing it all from a different angle, and in the moments of deepest questioning and hurt, I feel a bit more grounded by realizing that it’s not all about me.

I really needed to get these thoughts out. A times I worry about sharing some things here, but this blog is an outlet for me. It helps me process, and when I finish writing it’s like parts of me that once felt so heavy seem a bit lighter, and I see more clearly. One of the many reasons I’m so happy to have this space.

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