These past two weeks have been huge in the baby part of our lives. We had another shower, a doctor’s appointment that went a little awry, Mother’s Day, our Successful Breastfeeding class and lots more. Things are getting busier by the day, and I’m so glad that school is almost finished. I feel really thankful that I get a summer break and that God timed this pregnancy so perfectly for us. My swollen feet and ankles are thankful as well.
week 28
the picture quality that comes when the husband is still asleep and I take my own picture at 6:30 am in our dark bedroom
It was honestly kind of a stressful week starting on Monday with my routine doctor’s appointment. It was the week of the ever so talked about glucose test to find out if I have gestational diabetes. I’ve heard so many girls talk about how stressed they were over getting this test, but after talking to my nurse and finding out that there really isn’t anything you can do to prevent having it, I felt really at ease about it. I figured I’m a typically healthy person, so there’s probably nothing to worry about and even if I do have it, there’s nothing I could have done to change it, so why worry?
Unfortunately, my positive mindset came crashing down around me when I got the call that I failed by one point. I was really surprised. After having so much trouble getting pregnant, this pregnancy has been completely seamless. No problems whatsoever. I guess I’ve just started to take for granted how well everything has been going.
The good news was that I only failed by one point, so my nurse was very encouraging and predicted that the follow up test would probably be fine. So Thursday morning I took a half day off work and went to the hospital to get the three hour test done. It went something like this: Fast from midnight until the next morning. Have blood drawn. Drink special sugary drink. Wait one hour. Get blood drawn a 2nd time. Wait another hour. Get blood drawn a 3rd time. Wait another hour. Get blood drawn a 4th time. Have husband meet me in the hospital parking lot with a sandwich. Eat in the car while racing back to school for 4th hour. Get extremely shaky and lightheaded upon arriving at school. Teach 4th, 5th and 6th hour.
Pleasant morning I tell ya.
I didn’t get my results until the following morning, and I have to admit my emotions were going a little crazy. I think I will remember weeks 28-29 as being the weeks I started to feel like the typical emotional pregnant person. One minute I’m feeling completely rational, and the next I feel like I can’t stop the tears from everything I’m happy, stressed, scared and/or overwhelmed about. When I got the call, it kind of felt like time stood still until I heard my nurse say “your results from the second test came back perfectly normal. You have nothing to worry about.” Relief washed over me, and I prayed a serious prayer of thanks. I definitely got a new dose of perspective and am taking every moment to thank God that our babies are healthy, I’m healthy and I’m still carrying on with life and not having preterm labor signs or having to go on bedrest.
week 29
Another new pregnancy issue that started last week is swelling. The day of my shower here in OKC (which I have yet to blog about) I wore heels. About halfway through the shower I felt something weird, and when I looked down I couldn’t believe how big my feet and ankles were! Sadly, I only thought they were big that day. They have progressively gotten worse, and it has even spread up into my legs. I spent the first couple of weeks in full belief that at least 10 pounds of my pregnancy weight had taken up residence on my legs. As much as I tried to not care and focus on the twins, it was a little disheartening. I have to say – it’s never easy to see sudden and excessive weight gain, even with two sweet little babies in your belly. At least not for me.
And then I had a revelation. The only time I really inspect my legs is at night when I shower and then put on lotion. But yesterday morning as I was bending over the bathtub getting my hair wet, I happened to notice that my legs looked pretty normal. Upon further inspection, I realized that they are actually normal and what I’m experiencing at night is 99% swelling. While swelling is not fun, it’s a hundred times better than weight gain. And much more temporary I might add. So, while small and pretty inconsequential, I have oddly added swollen legs to my list of things to be thankful for. And just to clarify, I’ll take weight gain in my legs any day if it means getting to be pregnant…it’s just not necessarily an enjoyable part of the process.
more of week 29
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Today we took our second baby class. The first, Baby Basics, was a little too basic. It went for four Monday nights from 7 – 9:30, and I’m fully convinced it could have probably happened in about a fourth of that time. We learned things like how to make sure your smoke detector’s working and how not to leave a straightening iron in baby’s reach. Thrilling, really. I know there are some people out there who really maybe don’t think about things like that, but by the fourth week we just couldn’t take it anymore and decided to drop out. No shame whatsoever.
So going into today’s class on successful breastfeeding, my expectations were pretty low. I have read, researched and talked to a lot of people about breastfeeding, but it’s just such an important thing I figured it couldn’t hurt to do as much preparation as possible.
Thankfully, it was much more practical and helpful than the last class. I learned a lot of practical advice on everything from how to avoid pain to how to store breastmilk, and I think Jon learned even more. I’m planning on solely breastfeeding both babies if possible, and I really feel a lot more prepared and knowledgeable after today. So glad we gave the classes another chance.
So those were pretty much the main highlights (and lowlights) of the last two weeks. Now for a compilation of thoughts on weeks 28 and 29:
started trying to teach Olive her place in the nursery (more on this later)
still having lots of pain in my stomach and back and definitely an increased struggle with sleeping
purchased baby girl her first baby doll
got to practice holding twin babies for the first time and I think I can say it was successful
let the babies have their first green smoothie
glucose test success!
loved getting to celebrate my first Mother’s Day
major swelling and reduction in my shoe selection – down to one pair:(
1. olive on the back of the babies’ chair – where she thinks she belongs
2. olive in her bed on the nursery floor – where she must learn that she belongs
3. practicing with a friend’s twin baby girls
4. baby girl’s first doll
Jon and I are in awe of how many people are already loving our little babies. We’ve had three showers already, and each and every one was so unique and special…planned just to celebrate baby boy and baby girl.
Our first one was in my hometown the Saturday before last, and my sister, aunt, mom and cousin worked so hard to make it special. It had a summery vintage theme complete with an old school chalkboard, lemonade, sweet tea and cupcakes! Everyone from family to my mom’s friends from work came out.
My sister played emcee, bringing much comedy to the day. And Jon totally dominated with all his baby knowledge – from how many diapers we’ll use in a day to how many he’ll actually change:) He is going to be such a good daddy. I can’t wait:)
My mom made us these precious scrapbooks. If you know me, you know that I love stuff like this. It means so much because she put in so much time to make them. They have pages for all the major events in the babies’ lives – like their first Sunday to go to church, their first trip to our lake cabin, their first jog and a travel page where we can put pictures of all the new places we’ll show them. Olive even got her very own page.
I think the babies already have more clothes than I do…definitely more than their daddy. The amount of gifts our sweet guests brought was completely overwhelming. It is unreal to me how generous our friends and family are. The twins are two blessed little babies for sure.
What a joyful day. It seemed so surreal that we were actually having a baby shower. For our own babies. I never thought the day would come. I still have to remind myself that all this is real, and days like this one make it all the more unbelievable.
After the shower we got to hang around my mom and step dad’s house for a few hours, cook hamburgers outside and just spend time together. One of my all time favorite days:)
today was such a sweet day. every single text message and happy mother’s day wish I received was like a ray of sunlight. more than anything today I just keep thinking about how thankful i am that i have these two little ones. that god created them to be mine and jon’s and that we get to be their parents forever. every single movement inside me and every ache and pain is a reminder of what an honor it is to have this new title. i get teary eyed just thinking about it.
to our babies -
i am so proud and joyful to be your mama already. even though we have yet to meet, i feel like i already know you. your daddy and i have waited so long to know you, and we’ve never been more thankful for anything in our lives. i promise to do everything i can to be the best mama i can be to you. i will definitely make mistakes and you’ll have to show me some grace (you know this is my first time). i pray that you’ll see jesus in me and that you’ll learn from me to love others like he loves us. i hope to show you the world and teach you that god has made every person special regardless of what they look like on the outside or how much money they have. i hope you never doubt how much i love you and that you always know i’m here for you no matter what. i can’t wait to meet you, but please stay in there for and get bigger and stronger for at least 8 more weeks!
lots of love, mama
another sweet part of today was getting to wish a happy mother’s day to my mom and mother-in-law. i feel so blessed to have such amazing moms who love jon and i unconditionally and who have sacrificed so much for us over the years. for the twins i hope i can be as sacrificial and loving as they have been. then i will definitely count myself a successful mama. happy mother’s day mom and debbie. i love you both!
lastly, this day was a reminder of the long wait and the pain of waiting to see how god would choose to give us babies. it was a reminder of all those still out there wondering and waiting. i remember vividly how difficult mother’s day can be when all you want is to be called mama, but you have no choice in the matter. it feels so hurtful and hopeless. so to any of you reading this who are feeling that pain today, i’m praying for you and i hope you remember that someday god will bless you in the greatest way possible. it may not be how you imagined, but he has not forgotten you. and it will be worth the wait.
Baby boy and baby girl are getting big! They each weigh about 2 pounds and are about 14.5 inches long as of this week. They’re doing all kinds of cool things now like sleeping and waking at regular intervals, opening and closing their little eyes and even sucking their fingers (source)! It’s amazing to me how fast they are growing, and it makes me think about how fast they’re going to keep growing once they join us out here in the world. Makes me sad thinking about it already, lol.
This was a pretty epic week because we had two showers! They were both so perfect and definitely merit their own posts. Along with that we received such sweet gifts from family and friends like our double stroller, carseats, crib mattresses, baby swing, lots of clothes and so many other things. It has been the most exciting time! Not that it’s just about getting stuff, but having all these things pile up in our little house is making everything seem so real and soooo close.
Technically we still have 13 weeks left until go time, but my doctor thinks the babies will come in early July rather than early August. I’m not focusing on that too much though because I’m thinking it could make for a really long July if they decide to stay in there. And of course the longer they stay in there (within reason:), the better!
They are definitely making themselves known though. Moving around all the time and of course giving me lots of aches and heartburn. Oh heartburn. Sleeping has become quite interesting as well of course as it’s become somewhat of an olympic sport just to roll over in bed. Oh, and my ankles and feet have already decided to start swelling up. I look down and think “who’s legs are these??!” because they surely cannot be mine. It’s weird to feel like you’re wearing somebody else’s legs. I honestly cannot quite imagine what I’m going to feel/look like in about 6-8 weeks.
But how I love this bump. I love getting to be with our little babies all the time, taking them with me everywhere I go. Despite the discomfort of nighttime, I look forward to it every evening because I get to just spend time feeling the babies and thinking about every aspect of what they’re going to be like. I don’t think anything will ever quite compare to this time…having them inside me and getting to experience so much of them. I think the love surrounding them multiplied times 100 this week with all our friends and family celebrating them. It was the best ever.
I feel like I’ve let so much of this pregnancy go by without documenting it; the main reason being that I’ve just been living it. Whether sick on the couch (months 1-4) or working on the nursery, starting registries and researching everything under the sun (months 5-6), I’ve been so busy just staying up with the day-to-day that I haven’t had time to write a lot. Of course there’s a piece of me that is a bit sad about this…though I can’t imagine ever forgetting the reality and the magic of the last 6.5 months anyway.
Regardless, it has been the craziest time of things I never imagined would happen and things I totally expected (but could have never prepared for). And of course just mundane, run-of-the-mill occurrences.
- dressing the bump has been much more challenging than I imagined! Who are these people that can wear their regular pants with a band through month 6, 7 and 8?? While most days it is fun to find creative things to wear, I don’t have any pants!! I’ve never been able to really find maternity pants that I like and that are not super expensive. I have a couple pairs of maternity jeans, but obviously I can’t wear jeans to work, so….
- I will never, ever get over feeling these babies inside me. Whether it feels like they’re punching me from the inside or just moving up, creating a huge lump in one area of my stomach, I get giddy everytime. It’s so funny to me. It’s like they’re saying “hi, mama! we’re still in here!”
- having two babies insides hurts! I know this probably sounds crazy, but I never expected pain…at least not until the very end. And I have nothing to compare it to, so maybe if there was just one baby in there it wouldn’t be the same? Rolling over, sitting up, lifting my leg (!)…activities that seem easy create serious pain my stomach. Last week I asked my doctor if it’s normal to have pain and discomfort so much, and he very patiently explained that yes, especially with two in there, it’s going to be a bit painful.
- I feel full, even when I’m hungry! I figured in the last few weeks of pregnancy, things would start getting tight and creating a lack of space for food, but I didn’t know it would happen this early. I feel like in the past I’ve heard people talk about how much pregnant girls eat…but I can barely eat anything, and I start feeling like my stomach is going to explode. That’s the only way I can describe it. It literally feels like my stomach cannot expand any further. Sometimes my eyes deceive me, and I forget that I can’t eat the same sized portions that I used to. But I’m slowly learning to be more aware because it is a rather uncomfortable feeling to think you might just burst wide open. I would see this as a great thing – you know, appetite control – but I seem to still be gaining weight at a steady pace:) hmmmm.
maybe it’s because of these guys?
- nausea is not the only symptom of pregnancy. I don’t think I really thought this, per se…it’s just the only one people really talk about. Oh, there are so many others, which I think are even more prevalent, that no one ever talks about! Or maybe I’ve just talked to the right people. Heartburn would be at the top of the list for me….among others I’d rather not discuss…
There is a lot more I could add here, but these are the main ones off the top of my head. Overall, this has been the best experience of my life by far…the good and the challenging. I already have this conflicting feeling of wanting to meet baby boy and girl, but also wanting them to stay in there so this doesn’t have to end. I’m sure those of you who have been pregnant before are thinking “just give it another several weeks.” And you might be right…we’ll see:)
So this weekend a random man in Home Depot said I looked like I could just “deliver that baby right then and there.”
Um….thanks? I guess that means I’m getting bigger. I’m going to choose to take that as a compliment ’cause these babies are growing!
And for an extremely far overdue announcement – little miss Olive is getting a…
BABY SISTER and BABY BROTHER!
A mini Candice and a mini Jon will be joining us in just a few short months, and we couldn’t be more excited! And just for the record, I guessed it;)
week 24 (left) and week 25 (right)
I always wondered why pregnant girls would stand like I am on the left. But every week I felt more and more awkward trying to pose. Before I even knew what I was doing last week, up went the right arm and the left followed. And there I was. Now I know.
How can I possible still have 15 weeks left to grow? Where are these babies going to go? The questions I ask myself a million times a day.
So many fun things from the last few weeks. Best of all – Jon felt baby girl move! Several times I had tried to call him over to feel, but the second he got close, they’d get all shy. Finally, just a few days ago, our sweet baby girl decided to give her daddy a good, hard kick. yay!
We’ve also made several fun purchases as of recent – a chair big enough for our entire family of 5, sheets, a sweet little doll and our first cloth diaper.
And today I received an invitation to the first one of my showers!
It has definitely been a big couple of weeks as far as baby progress. I still have to stop and tell myself that this is really happening quite often. The days of wondering if we would ever have a little McCoy are still far too fresh in my mind. It’s still really hard for me to digest that God has really given us two babies.
I know we don’t deserve it, and I only wish I could make the same thing happen for all the sweet girls I know who are longing for this very thing.
I do promise one thing, though. I will never ever take this baby boy or girl for granted. I’ll never forget what it felt like to want them so badly and not know if God would ever bring them to me. And for that reason alone, I am thankful for the experience of infertility.
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Aside from the big “countdown to babies,” I’m also pretty focused on counting down to the last day of school. Only 23 days left. I can hardly believe it. Honestly, this has been such a great year of school. If you’ve read my blog in the past, you know that teaching and I have not always gotten along super well. But this year has been different. I have some seriously amazing kids, and I think having an extra year of experience under my belt didn’t hurt. Either way, I’m really going to miss it.
When I told my principal I was leaving, I said “a baby is the only thing that could take me away from here.” And I actually meant it. I’m really thankful to be leaving on a good note. I’m not sure if I’ll go back someday or not…who knows where life will take us. But what a relief to not be running away this time.
I will be kind of relieved when this rollercoaster of teaching/not teaching/teaching again decides to level off. I think having a couple of sweet babies to occupy my time should take care of that!
This past week in San Francisco was week 21 of being pregnant. 5 months! I know it sounds cliche, but I just can’t believe how fast time if flying by.
I cannot wait for these two to get here so we can meet them. But I’m also savoring these last moments just Jon and I. Overall though, I literally just walk around with a silly smile on my face most of the time because I’m just so happy and so darn thankful that I’ve got these little babies inside me.
While the first part of pregnancy was just plain scary for me, I feel like I’ve really settled in the last month or so. I don’t worry much anymore, which of course is easier now that there are visible signs that they’re growing. And I’m feeling so much better – like I’m on top of the world with tons of energy!
The best part of the last couple of weeks though, has been feeling them move! It started out super subtle, to the point that I wasn’t absolutely sure it was them. But now they’re moving around all the time. If it’s not one, it’s the other. Like a 24 hour party in there:) A couple of times I’ve even called Jon in because I swear he’d be able to feel them from the outside, but both times they got shy and completely stopped moving, haha. It’s hard for me to go to sleep and get out of bed in the morning because I just want to lay there and feel them forever.
Other fun (and not so fun) developments from week 21:
the twins’ first trip to the west coast
we bought and set up the cribs!
lots and lots of back pain on my right side – laying down, sitting down, walking…doesn’t matter
2 random people asked me when I was due:)
heartburn is getting worse and worse
the babies weigh about 3/4 lb. each and are each about 10.5 inches long (the length of a carrot)
For Spring Break we decided to take a last little trip just the two of us to San Franciso.
1. Our very first stop in SF for coffee and bagels 2. the GG Bridge as Jon calls it 3. One of 90 million photos of us by the bridge:) 4. his and hers root beers
1. How did they know? 2. Ghiradelli square – free chocolate! 3. our little Go Car we toured in on our last day 4. quaint little Haight coffee shop
1. Baker Beach – a favorite stop 2. Boudin at Fisherman’s Wharf – famous for sourdough bread bowls! 3. pretty San Fran
4. just motoring around
1. the Full House houses 2. breakfast 3. love him:) 4. on the cable car
1. fortune cookie factory in China Town. Paid .25 to take this pic. Thinking he got the better deal. 2. the beautiful Pacific 3. my handsome driver 4. twins!
This was the first trip either of us had taken to the west coast, and I’m so glad we went! Traveling has been something we’ve enjoyed so much together the last 6 years, and there were moments on our trip that I felt a little nostalgic thinking of our adventures together in the past. I know from now on it will never be quite the same.
But for every thought of how special the past has been, I was overwhelmed with anticipation for the future. Our traveling might look a little different, but I can hardly imagine how amazing it will be to show our babies different parts of the world.
Thanks so much for all the sweet congrats on my last post. I’ve waited what seems like a lifetime to make that announcement, and I’m so thankful and humbled that God finally allowed it to happen! You all just made it that much sweeter.
So, here’s a quick breakdown of the last few months:
November 12, 2011 – We had our embryos transferred and felt like we were already pregnant. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel scared that it wouldn’t work…but from the moment we left the hospital, we never stopped praying for our babies. I would lay on the couch and talk to them all the time, envisioning them as strong, healthy babies. From day one it felt like they were here to stay.
after transfer
November 21, 2011: We both left work a little early and met at home to wait for the call. We waited…and waited…and waited. And finally about 15 minutes after we were supposed to receive the call, we broke down and dialed the clinic. After identifying myself and holding for eternity, the nurse answered the phone with a “congratulations!” We’ve never felt so full of joy. I was considered 4 weeks already:) We drove straight to Baby Gap and bought onesies.
November 24 – 25, 2011: Shared with the family and gave so many thanks.
December 12, 2011:Week 7. All day nausea set in. Sick in the morning…sick at night. I had no appetite at all, and the only things that sounded somewhat edible were things I would usually never consider putting in my body. Sorry babies.
December 22, 2011: Week 8. Went for our 2nd ultrasound and got the biggest surprise of our lives – not 1 but 2 babies! Praise the Lord. We spent the following 2 weeks celebrating Christmas and sharing our 2nd piece of amazing news with our families. Oh, and of course every 10 minutes saying to each other “are we really having twins???”
sadly, we didn’t get any pics when we told mom and dad McCoy
Weeks 9- 13: Sick. sick. sick. But oh, so happy. I literally did almost nothing besides go to work and come home and lay on the couch for over a month. Jon gets major daddy/husband points for keeping the house running and going on wild goose chases to find anything I could eat. Oh, and lots and lots of backrubs. I’ve heard people say that a woman becomes a mom when she gets pregnant, but a man doesn’t become a dad until the baby (ies:) is born. Not true for my husband. In a way, he’s been taking care of these babies for months already!
Week 14: Started to feel a tiny bit better. We decided to make the big announcement on Facebook and the blog. Up until this point, I was so so thankful for the little babies inside me, but I had a really hard time letting go of my fear and just trusting God. For 18 months I had longed to be pregnant, and in my mind I think I had decided that it could never really happen. Every month had brought so much hurt, and it seemed impossible that it could have finally happened. I know that sounds kind of crazy, but the fear of losing them terrified me. When we announced our news to the world, I felt like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. It finally felt real, and I finally started really believing that our babies were going to be okay.
Week 15: Took my first picture of the bump!
Week 16: Bump picture number 2. This was the week I finally started to really feel almost like myself again. The nausea completely subsided, and I even started to feel a little more energetic!
Week 17:
Week 17 was pretty monumental. I worked out for the first time in 3 months! And I felt so good about it. When I started the IVF process, I was told I shouldn’t have physical activity, and since I followed every wives tale from eating pineapple to trying to laugh a lot after transfer….eating more eggs…you name it, stopping my workouts was a no brainer. And of course it just continued from there – I felt too scared of hurting the babies in those paranoid first several weeks of being pregnant, and then I was so sick I could barely talk on the phone much less get off the couch. So finally on Monday of week 17 I pulled out the prenatal bootcamp DVD my mom got me for Christmas and then I went for a long walk on two different days after that. Sad how accomplished I feel about walking around the neighborhood. I finally feel like I’m doing something good for myself and for the twins.
Week 18:
baby a:)
This was the week we found out the gender of our little babies! I was so nervous that they wouldn’t cooperate for the ultrasound and we’d be disappointed…but they were good little babies. Let’s hope that’s a good indication of the months/years to come:) The ultrasound tech started off by just letting us see them while she took pictures to send to our doctor. Then it was baby A’s turn to be examined. It only took a matter of seconds to find out Baby A’s gender – and we were so excited!! We also learned that Baby A will be the first one to come into the world if all goes as planned. Next was Baby B’s turn. This time it took a little longer to figure it out, but in the end both genders were as clear as day! The second best part of this ultrasound was finding exactly where each baby is hanging out in there. Now I have a good idea of where they are, and knowing that plus their genders makes this that much more real. I’ll tell whether we’ll be an all boy house, all girl, or one of each in an upcoming post:)
As soon as the ultrasound was over, I had this devious feeling of wanting to keep everyone in suspense, but I resisted. We went home and called parents, brothers and sisters, grandparents, aunts and uncles and our friends to let them know the exciting news. I loved getting to tell everyone, but by the end of all the excitement, I was exhausted!
Week 19
Week 19 was almost as exciting as the previous week because I felt the babies move for the first time. I’d been willing them to give me a few good hard kicks for a couple of weeks, but so far I’d felt nothing! The first few times I felt them left me excited, but also wondering if it really was them. But after it happened several more times, and I was feeling it on both sides, I realized that yes, it really was our 2 little babies making their presence known! One thing that made me doubtful at first was that it didn’t feel like a flutter like many people said it would. It felt more like a really soft little bump from the inside.
Week 20: and now I’m finally caught up!
Okay, I know I’m going to look back on this and laugh at myself, but I feel like I look huge in this picture! Not sure if it’s the stripes or if I’ve just doubled in size since last week…but either way I think the baby belly looks large and in charge:) This week we had another appointment, but no ultrasound. We did get to hear the heartbeats (which sound like little trains to me by the way) and the doctor checked me and said everything looks perfect! Yay! So far I’ve gained 12 pounds. I wasn’t really sure if that was good or not, but my nurse assured me I’m right on track. What a relief! I’ve also been getting in some really solid 3 mile walks this week, which have felt so good. And we ordered a treadmill, so I see many more walks in my future:)
And now for some randomness from the first trimester (which is obviously a little outdated, but I really wanted to document it somewhere)!
Symptoms (some known and some only I am convinced are because of pregnancy) nausea (of course), earaches, out of control sense of smell, exhaustion,
lots of bathroom trips, congestion, increased pulse (Jon doesn’t buy this one, but it’s for real),
bad taste in my mouth
Food cravings
lime chips, mac and cheese, cheerios, pad thai, orange juice
I realize this post was a complete overload of updates, but the combination of sickness, exhaustion and most recently, pure laziness has inhibited my blogging. I am kicking myself for not being better about documenting the last few months, and now it’s time for a fresh start.
So, look for upcoming posts on our last big trip just the two of us, nursery updates, the gender reveal!, and how my eating has changed since pad thai and cheerios!
Tomorrow might be the first day of life for our first sweet baby.
I am so far beyond excited. And thankful. And I would be lying if I said I’m not scared to death as well.
We are slated to arrive at the hospital at 6:30 tomorrow morning for retrieval. The last few weeks have been such a challenging whirlwind. We’ve given me shots while standing anywhere from the Whole Foods parking lot to a stairwell we snuck into during a Halloween party to the middle of the Colbie Caillat concert. Life has carried on despite the ultrasounds, blood work, pills and needles…but it’s been different. The anticipation of this IVF event has changed the tone of everything the last several weeks. And it’s all come down to the next couple of weeks (no pressure).
I have never prayed harder in my entire life than I have in the last few weeks. I’ve prayed constantly that God would enable my body to do what it’s supposed to do. So far, He has. Everything leading up to now couldn’t have gone better, and I couldn’t feel more confident going into this next phase. Unfortunately that doesn’t make our percentage any higher, but I am so thankful that He has chosen to bring us this far.
I’ve also prayed that God will give me the courage to trust him first and foremost. That whether our little babies survive and have the chance to develop or not, I will trust Him with our future. I will trust that He has a plan, and that plan will be carried out no matter what. This is my biggest request to my Heavenly Father. I believe He is faithful.
So, please pray with us. I’ve got needle marks all over, cramps in my stomach and emotions ranging across the board. But I’ve got so much hope inside. I’ve tried to figure out how to walk the tightrope of being positive, but protecting myself for so many months; this month I stopped trying. I put my heart out there, and I’ve done every thing I could…
For the longest time, Jon and I have felt God urging our hearts toward adopting a baby. For whatever reason the Lord has, this urging has always been in the direction of international adoption, specifically. We are both passionate about travel and other cultures and adopting from another culture seems to fit that. We of course realize that there are babies right here in our own country who are in need, but that doesn’t make the homeless babies in Thailand (for example) any less homeless. Even though we didn’t feel quite ready for a baby at that time, our visit to a Thai orphanage in 2008 watered the seed that God had planted in our hearts, nourishing our desire to bring a baby just like this little girl home one day.
Throughout the course of our journey through infertility, our excitement and longing for adoption has intensified ten-fold. I’ve said so many times that before we would do IVF, we would adopt. It honestly has never made a big difference to me whether our baby would come to us biologically or through adoption. I ache to experience both joys – feeling a baby grow inside me and welcoming a baby from another place into our lives. But the decision is not always that easy. God has blessed us with amazing insurance, which covers such a large portion of infertility treatments. For that reason alone we feel compelled to try for a biological baby first. In addition, the issues I had that were taken care of in my surgery back in May are recurring. So, as time goes on, they are slowly coming back, renewing their curse on my body and lessening my chances of ever conceiving a baby. With this in mind, we decided that if we were ever going to do everything we could to get pregnant, now is the time.
I still long every single day to start the adoption process. When I see a family with an adopted child, my heart aches in the same way it does when I see a pregnant woman or a precious little newborn. I was looking through some old journal entries, written in the past year and a half, and I found this entry, penned in April of this year right before my surgery.
April 4, 2011
Dear little McCoy,
I know I don’t know you yet, little one…but I already love you so much. Your daddy and I have been talking about you for the longest time, and we cannot wait until we get the chance to have you as a part of us.
Here in just a little bit I’m taking the first step to find out how you might come to be. Your mommy doesn’t know if you will come into our family as a tiny newborn that has grown inside me or as a precious baby from another country, but I want you to always know that I pined for you for so long, and I already love you more than there are stars in the sky, regardless of how you come into our life.
I know that God has a plan for you and for your life, and I’m praying for that plan all the time. I think about you every day, and deep inside my heart I long to be able to rock you, play with you, teach you about Jesus and show you the world .
Just the other night, we went to a mexican restaurant in town for dinner. Because it’s the best mexican food in town, there is always a long wait to be seated, so we claimed a bench spot in the already crowded waiting area. As we sat down, I noticed that the family to our right was busy corralling two little girls, who I’m certain were from somewhere in east asia. The mom and dad looked to be about our ages, and they were wearing shirts that indicated they were from our college town. Looking to be about 3 or 4 years old, these little girls were so precious. Probably appearing a little creepy, I couldn’t take my eyes off them the entire time. I was mesmerized by how much my heart ached to have little girls just like them as my own. My eyes began to fill up as I sat there feeling so intensely as if that should be us. Should is a funny word, I know.
Sometimes I want so badly to just quit everything we’re doing now and start our adoption story. I’ve spent a lot of time researching steps of the process, agencies, countries, expected hardships, the financial aspect etc., and I’m so ready to begin something that is going to be a sure thing in the end. This cycle of uncertainty, waiting and heartbreak is just so trying.
That being said, I know that we are very blessed to be given this opportunity and that not everyone is put in a place where they can go to these extreme measures to build their family. Despite my impatience to begin adoption, I still pray every day and thank God for providing us a way to try and get pregnant. I don’t take it lightly, and regardless of what happens, I’ll always be so grateful that we had the chance to pull out all the stops and really go for it.
I wanted to take a moment and write down these thoughts, so down the road I’ll remember exactly where our hearts were during this time. I pray to God that this works and I get the privelege of giving birth to a baby that is half me and half Jon. And regardless of whether that happens or not, I have faith that our dream of bringing a baby home through adoption will come true as well. It just depends on when and how. I can’t wait to see how the Lord decides to build our family.
I had just gotten home from school and sat down on the couch to try and decompress for a few. I hopped on one of my favorite blogs only to see that she was doing a giveaway for a maternity dress saying, “you should enter if you’re pregnant or trying.” Before I could even contemplate it for five seconds, I found myself closing the window, thinking “well that’s not for me.”
Quickly approaching is my greatest chance ever (thus far) of becoming pregnant (49% to be exact). And yet I realized today that I don’t truly believe it can or will happen. Cuddled up with a blanket and Olive, comments I’ve made recently and thoughts I’ve had started swimming through my mind. Why am I not believing this can happen for me?
I’ve been attempting to get up as many mornings as possible and do a yoga workout (I use an awesome app called Pocket Yoga). This morning – for the first time – I took my time in savasana to really envision the next 4-6 weeks. I envisioned every bit of the process and the outcome. Laying on my back, staring up at the dark ceiling, I pictured myself joyfully declaring “it worked!” and allowed myself to soak up the inexplicable elation that would consume me if I had the privilege of making such an announcement. In an effort to protect myself from disappointment, I usually don’t allow myself to go there. But deep inside I feel it’s important to believe that it can happen. That it will happen. And I want to believe it. How can I make let myself believe it?
For the past 17 months I’ve carefully teetered on the line between protecting myself from disappointment and allowing hope to course through me. But this is it, you know? Not that this is my absolute last chance ever, but we’re pulling out all the stops. I guess I’m just so scared to let myself go. And yet I’m scared not to.
I’ve got a lot on my mind tonight. Today when I got to work, there was an impromptu staff meeting called. We all gathered in the library with our principal to learn that one of our students passed away last night. It was a completely random and unexpected incident, and to say that everyone was in shock would be a major understatement. It was a sophomore football player, and the fact that my class roster shows nothing but sophomores made it an even more difficult day. Seeing the kids confused and hurting really hit me hard. First, it made me want to hug every one of my students today and tell them how much I care about them, and second, it made me feel compelled to try and keep a good perspective about everything that’s going on. I really am thankful because as painfully difficult as infertility is, it’s the worst thing I’ve had to deal with in my adult life, and I know that is a serious blessing.
Heavy stuff tonight.
On a lighter note – I just finished an amazing vegan chocolate chip cookie from Oklahoma City’s very own…..Whole Foods, which opened it’s doors for the first time last night!
I’m not even going to begin welcoming myself back and making excuses for the months that I’ve been MIA. It sounds like much more fun to just cut to the chase….bullet point style. There have been many things going on over the last couple of months – some more welcome in my life than others.
We took a mini trip to Dallas and bought new living room furniture! Buying a new couch was way overdue, and we finally just went for it. We got a really great sectional that fits our living room perfectly and seats so many more people plus a dining set. We are loving it them!
I started a new job. Teaching. If you’ve been reading CSM for more than a year, you know that the path I’ve walked with teaching has been rather…bumpy. There have been many highs and lows and unexpected twists…so it should have come as no surprise when yet another crazy change landed in my lap. Backing up a bit…last May I started teaching international students at a language school in our new city. I absolutely loved it. You guys know that international students are where my heart is, and I was seriously thriving. And then I got a text from my best friend and former teaching co-worker. And it changed everything. One day I was just fine, and 24 hours later I was making the decision to quit my job and go back to my old school as a sophomore English II and PreAP English teacher. It was a combination of being flattered, being offered a brand new classroom with great technology and a window, being lured back by my teacher friends and not wanting to say no to the money. I was never completely sure those were great reasons to go back, but for some reason it just seemed right. Now, almost halfway through the fall semester, I can honestly say it was the right decision. I LOVE my kids. I never knew I could enjoy students so incredibly much. To be blunt, I think I just really had a bad batch for my first year of teaching. But this time I’ve been blessed with some really awesome students. It has still been stressful. And I wanted to kill myself over 170 essays last month, but I truly feel like it’s worth it.
We’ve started the IVF process. Obviously, we are still wandering through the injustices of infertility, seeing as how you have yet to see a CSM baby announcement. Last month, after trying multiple other strategies, my doctor recommended that we start this process. We’re a little over 2 weeks in, and honestly, it’s making me crazy. I’m currently on birth control to regulate my body, and later this week I’ll start my first round of injections. I’m not looking forward to it, but I’m just doing my best to stay positive. I’ve been dealing with so many issues and feelings over the last couple of weeks – fear, hope, anxiety, excitement, impatience, thankfulness, anger, hormonal mood swings, constant headaches, numbness – just to name a few. It’s not getting any easier, and I’m not sure it will until this is over and we know the outcome. There’s so much more that could be – needs to be – said on this…but another time.
We took at trip to the state fair! Enough said.
We went to Washington D.C. Last year I tagged along with Jon on his work conference trip to D.C. And I completely fell in love! After accepting my new job, I wasn’t sure I was going to get to go again this year, but we made it happen. It was just as great as I remembered. Because we did so much sightseeing last year, we enjoyed a few less sights and a little more relaxing this year. We added on a couple of extra days to the front of the trip as a sort of vacation…and then I flew solo the other days. It was much needed time away.
it rained almost the entire time, and it was freezing!
I’ve missed blogging. I truly have. In the midst of the emotional highs and lows of the last couple of months, I oftentimes find myself retreating a little bit. I find myself saying that I really just want to crawl into a whole and hide until all this is over, and at times I feel like I have no energy left for relationships or the things I love in life. I know these feelings are only temporary – a result of medication and just a stressful phase of life, but it’s not a good place to be. So, tonight I’m stepping out. For the first time in a while, I’m not allowing myself to be defeated.. Tonight is all I can commit myself to right now. But right now it’s all I need. Tomorrow will be another day.
The husband worked so hard all week to put together the best birthday party ever. It was themed. And there were drinks. And an incredible spread of food.
And of course….the best cupcakes in town.
There was homemade lemonade and non-alcoholic sangria.
And best of all? All the people I love most in the world.
And when everyone was full of tacos and salsa, we played games.
Of course there were gifts (which were perfect), despite the “don’t bring gifts, just a good time” printed at the bottom of the invitation.
One of my favorite students, Blue, and favorite co-workers, Shelly, stopped by to visit.
Earlier in the day, Blue cooked an amazing spread of Arabic food for my family to enjoy. He made everything from some potato pastries (that’s what I call them anyway:) to kabobs, to fruit salad, pudding and cake. It really was incredible. International students are awesome.
Falling three days after my actual birthday, it was such a perfect way to celebrate a whole new year of life.
Last year at this time, I made a list of 27 things that I wanted to accomplish in my 27th year. Some of them I did succeed at, and some of them I didn’t. This year of life showed me that sometimes our best thought out plans are not quite as great as we imagine them to be.
So, it turns out that I didn’t quite get 20 books read, didn’t get our car paid off, have yet to open up a CSM t-shirt shop and definitely wrote a lot less.
Needless to say, aside from our year spent living in Thailand, this has definitely been our craziest year yet. And even though we’ve faced some of the most trying challenges of our lives, we have grown so much. Number one on my list was “fall more in love with my Savior.” I have to be honest and say that for while the opposite was happening. At times my anger and confusion over infertility gave way to questioning and stepping away from God like a small, defiant child.
And while I still have many questions, and I still don’t understand everything I want to understand about God, I’ve come to one conclusion. And that is despite whatever happens in life – whether good or bad – He is there.
For the entire first 26 years of my life, I took what I’d been told about God and I counted it as absolute truth. I never questioned it. I never really thought much about it on my own. And for the first time this year, I’ve questioned God. I’ve doubted Him. And while I wish I could say that my faith has been perfect, I have deepened my relationship with Him far beyond what I imagined before. I’ve come to the realization that I would much rather question Him, than never be challenged enough or think deeply about Him at all.
I can not even begin to imagine what this next year will hold for me. My prayer is that our family of two will become a family of three. We will be able to continue pursuing our dream of launching our own business. I’ll be able to love my job. And we’ll continue building and deepening relationships. But I’m holding onto those things very loosely, with an open fist, keeping in mind that He is in control. And remembering to not count too much on the plans that I lay out for myself.
Thank you all so much for the sweet responses to my post from Monday. I couldn’t have asked for more encouragement and understanding than what you all showed me. It was a difficult post to write, but once I put it out there I felt immense relief. It felt really good to be open about everything, and your words brightened my spirit.
On Monday afternoon I had another doctor’s appointment, and the news was not what I wanted to hear. For certain reasons, my doctor feels it’s best to hold off from doing another treatment this month and instead give my body a month to rest. It’s hard to feel like I’m just sitting back, making no progress. But I trust my doctor one hundred percent, so I’m trying to just distract myself and not dwell on it. One thing I’ve learned more times than I would have liked is that it is not a good idea to put timelines on this process. I get ideas in my head about when I want things to happen by, and so far I’ve been let down every time. I’m working on letting go of any plan I have and just focusing on other things in life instead. Easier said than done, right?
In other news, I’ve been trying out some awesome vegan recipes as of late. My new kitchen was calling my name from the second we moved in, and I have seriously been in heaven since I started cooking again!
One of my favorites from the last couple of weeks is one I snagged from Vegan with a Vengeance. I’m telling you – if you don’t have this cookbook yet, you must pick up a copy. Everything single recipe I have made from it has been awesome (see here, here and here)…and this was no different.
The husband and I woke up late last Saturday morning…okay, he woke up late, and I woke up even later. And when I dragged myself into the kitchen, he had all the ingredients laid out for a lovely little breakfast of pumpkin waffles. After some intense discussion, we decided to nix the waffles and try out this scone recipe from VwaV.
He made chocolate chip.
And I went with blueberry (his were better).
But they were both delicious. I think I ate about 4 scones in the following 12 hours.
A lovely Saturday indeed:)
I hope you all have had a great week, and are looking forward to an even better weekend.
What is your favorite cookbook – vegan or non-vegan?
Mine is a tie between VwaV and Eat Drink and Be Vegan. Couldn’t live without those two!
This weekend, for the fourteenth time, my heart felt as if it was broken into a million tiny pieces.
For the fourteenth time, I found out that once again, I will not become a mom this month.
Over the past several months, things have been pretty quiet around here. I found out the hard way that when something difficult is going on in your life that you’re not quite ready to tell the world about, putting your everyday life out there becomes pretty tough.
A word that used to seem distantly scary…something that only happened to other people…has somehow become a constant in my life. I wake up to it at 5:30am every morning, thermometer in hand, and every night when I go to sleep it’s by my side. It tortures me in the most random moments of my day, reminding me that there’s something not quite right with me and leaving me in it’s dust wondering – am I worthy?
Every month is another identical path: I attempt to walk the fine line between protecting myself from disappointment and staying positive and hopeful until the truth arrives. Then, like the opening of a dam, all the positivity I had built up gives way as sadness, hurt and disappointment wash over me. Back to square one. Let’s do it all over again.
For many months I was so angry. Angry at myself. At God. At the world. But God is changing me. In this fallen world, there is so much sadness, hurt and disappointment, but He walks with us through it all. He calls us to praise him. Whether in the happiest times of our lives or the darkest days, He is there. And He deserves our praise. And I am finally beginning to see His work in my life through this situation. It has taken a long time, and my faith has at times been hanging on by a thread. But He never leaves me.
I’ve come to a place where I can feel the tears soaking the sheets and grieve over what could have been – what I prayed would have been – but in the same breath thank Him that He loves me. And thank Him that He has saved me. Among so many other things.
For a long time I didn’t want to tell anyone about this. I’m not sure why I wanted to keep it private….truly, I don’t have a reason. Maybe I was afraid of what people would think. Maybe it just seemed too personal. But over the last several weeks, I’ve found so many reasons why I want to talk about it here.
First, I need to. I need an outlet for the anxiety, doubt, guilt, fear…all the emotions that I filter through each month. And as always, like a knight on a white horse, writing comes to my rescue. Somehow writing and then stashing it on my hard drive just doesn’t feel the same as putting it out there to be read by real people. Which brings me to reason number two.
Community. I’ve said a million times that this community has been such a blessing to me. When I read a blog post from someone who is dealing with the same things I am, there is a connection that somehow helps ease the pain. It reminds me that I’m not alone. It helps me feel a little less crazy. If I can connect with other people though this and offer to someone else even a small escape from the loneliness, then it’s worth it.
Third…I want people to know my heart. I want to have a child so badly. I feel it as a deep ache all the way into the depths of my heart. Every. Single. Day. But on the outside no one would ever know. I want to be a transparent person. Someone who is open, who people feel as if they really know.
So, here I am.
I’m scared in so many ways. I’m scared of who all is going to read this and what they will think. But I’ve come to the point where this infertility is too much a part of my life, and I find too much joy in sharing my life through this blog to let it keep me away.
ChiaSeedMe is not going to become an infertility blog. While my journey to having a baby is a part of who I am, so are all the things I’ve always loved – healthy living, food, fitness, photography and all the little things in life. I will always write about those things. But I need to write about this too. I understand if some of you are completely uninterested – please feel free to just skip the posts about this topic if you’d like. But I’m ready to include all aspects of my life in this little blog now. And I hope you’ll all stick around.
So here’s to being real. And here’s to fighting every battle in life with an open heart and trust in Him. Seeking out the good in everything that life brings and letting the hurts soak through us, feeling them, and keeping on going.
Last weekend the husband and I took off to celebrate our fifth year of being husband and wife. Full of sleeping in, shopping and long conversations over good food the weekend was every bit as sweet as I’d imagined it.
I still remember the onslaught of unsolicited advice we received the summer we got married about how difficult marriage would be and how things would never be the same again.
Well, things have certainly not been the same. They’ve been so much better. I’m not trying to paint an unrealistic picture of roses and rainbows, but there’s no doubt at all that my happiest years have been the years since I was joined with him. Marriage gets a bad name from so many people these days, but I can tell you for a facet that there are happy marriages too. I don’t buy for one second that marriage is constant hard work.
Everything really is better when we’re together whether we’re exploring our new city, working at home or falling asleep at night. Choosing him to be by my side was the best decision I’ve ever made.
When times are tough as they so often are, I am most thankful for our love and friendship. Someone to talk things through with, cry with and sometimes just sit in silence with – he’s my rock.
I’m so excited about all the life we’ve lived together in these five years – living overseas, parenting a puppy, new jobs, six moves, living with parents and building a house – and I am so ready for the adventures the coming years will bring. I think life will only get more challenging as more responsibilities come our way and we continue to live through heartbreak and struggles, but the joys will be so much deeper too.
I love you, dear. And I’m the luckiest girl in the world.
Happy 5.
when we first decided to build our house, we named this song as our theme song for the project. not very good video quality, but it was the best I could find.
A little over five months ago, the husband and I decided to do something a little crazy. Having always been the types for adventure, we rarely take the simple route when it comes to big events in life, whether it be moving overseas for a year, running a marathon together or in this case – moving in with my mom and step-dad for four months and building a house.
But I’m happy to say we have a lot of life and learning tucked under our belts, and even in the midst of the most difficult and trying moments I’m so enthralled by doing life together. The house building process was at the same time one of the most exciting and one of the most stressful projects we’ve tackled to date.
There were so many moments, on those long drives home after work where I just kept throwing out the question of why. Why in the world did we sign up for this? It’s so stressful and difficult. But at the same time there were many feel good moments when we saw the results of our determination come to fruition through even the littlest details – air ducts being installed, the addition of light switch plates, or the little tree in our front yard, however dead it may be:)
I love when I walk around various rooms of our house, and every little piece has a story and a vivid memory.
“…remember when I got on your shoulders in the pitch dark of night and tried to make a big ‘x’ on our dining room ceiling so they’d know where to hang that light?”
or
“…remember the time we celebrated my new job by using our drywall in the middle of the living room as a table for our cupcakes?”
or
“…remember that light that we ordered for our entryway only to realize upon it’s arrival that it was sized more for a hotel foyer than a modest sized house?
Overall it was worth every single decision, every moment commuting between work and my mom’s house, every disagreement and every stressful moment. We’re now able to add one more challenging life experience to our ever growing collection of adventures, and baby it feels SO good to walk in our home at the end of every day and say “we did this together.”
We closed on our 2nd house at 2pm on Friday, June 24th, two days past our expected date, and with the help of several family members (God bless them:), we moved in that night. However cliche it sounds, “good things come to those who wait” rang in my ears as we walked up the sidewalk to our house and the husband swept me up and carried me through the entry.
These days we’re loving all the extra time we have in the evenings, while trying desperately to revive our poor grass that was half dead before it was even laid. The husband has become quite good friends with the sprinkler, and I’m falling more in love with my kitchen every day.
We are so grateful for the opportunity to go through this process and most of all for the blessing of having our own home now. And of course one of the biggest highlights of it all has been getting our little baby dog back. I know she had a great time at my grandpa and grandma’s. They spoiled her rotten, and she loved every minute of it. But we missed her like crazy, and are loving every minute of having her back at home with us.
While she misses watching the cows and chasing squirrels all day long, I think she’s adjusting back to city life quite well. She’s finding her favorite spots inside and having a grand time exploring the neighborhood on our morning walks.
Now that we’re finally getting settled and life is beginning to get into a new routine, we’re ready and waiting for our next adventure.
What is the best adventure you’ve ever been on?
in our guest bedroom on a rainy night less than a week before we closed
Happy Friday!
By the way – while I don’t have very many inside pictures of our house to post right now, I’ll definitely put together a little photo tour once we get unpacked and the house doesn’t look like a tornado anymore. Trust me, you don’t want to see that.
Obviously it has been a long time since I’ve been around. There has been so much going on in the last couple of months, and I hope to play catch up on everything in the coming days. I can’t really say exactly why I’ve been checked out for so long…I guess all the changes that have been happening around here have overwhelmed me, and I’ve been spending all my time and energy absorbing it all and tucking it into the small recesses of my mind. This time of life – the defeats and the victories – I’ve been swimming in every moment, and I want to learn and become a better me because of it all.
Since I last wrote, I have settled into my new job, we’ve moved into our house (yay!), we got Olive back (double yay!) and we became and aunt and uncle for the first time. I appreciate so much the sweet emails and messages you’ve sent since my surgery in May; I’ve said it before and I’ll say it a million more times – the blogging community is so incredible, and I’m so thankful to be a part of it. While I’m still dealing with some of the aftermath, I’m feeling pretty well overall, happy to be up and around. So, thank you.
Despite the novel I could write on everything from the recent past (there will be plenty of time for that), for now I just want to wish you all a late happy Fourth of July! I hope everyone had a relaxing and family filled holiday weekend. The husband and I soaked up every minute of it right up until late Monday night. Starting the day by swinging by our city’s parade, we were full of spirit and patriotism. I have to say, though, that I don’t think we’ll be found at another parade until we have children old enough to appreciate it. Parades are just not made for late twenties, childless families…or small paranoid dogs. I know it’s hard to believe considering how happy we both look;)
The day picked up after we got back home, though, as I hit the kitchen to create something epically festive for our evening family cookout. What started out in my head as a good old fashioned peach pie, quickly turned into Angela’s tarts (click for recipe!), made famous by her entry into Project Food Blog. When it came down to it, I just couldn’t bring myself to break out the Crisco…I haven’t changed that much since I’ve been away!
I followed the recipe almost exactly – minus just a few small changes. After much frustration over the custard not thickening, I finally decided to pour it into a saucepan and heat it on the stove-top, stirring continually. This worked much better for me!
I also opted to leave out the nutritional yeast, resulting in a white custard as opposed to yellow. I’m not a big custard person, so I’m sure white custard probably looks weird, but something about the yellow color really turned me off, and I don’t need any extra reasons for my family to think my food is weird. I liked it white:) And obviously, I also used different fruit options – raspberries, peaches, strawberries, and one lone blueberry.
I was really happy with the way these turned out, and (with a wary eye) most of my family enjoyed them!
I didn’t get many pictures of the rest of the evening – the fireworks and family time went undocumented. I’ve decided that for the most part, I thrive off photographing food and babies (Olive included of course.) Nothing else is quite as fun. So, I snapped a few too many shots of my swimsuit clad baby cousin and called it a night:)
The Fourth of July is a holiday that despite the sweat and sweltering heat you can’t help but love it. For me it’s always been about the sweet comfort of Grandpa and Grandma’s house, thick with the smell of grilled burgers (veggie burger for me, please) followed by the hazy smoke from firecrackers.
It definitely is still so much about that, but now that I’m older my heart is filled with gratefulness for the freedom that we have here. My new job has me mainly working with students from a country where women can’t even drive a car, and I’m burdened by the unfairness of it all. Perspective is found in facts like this, as I struggle to come to terms with seeming unfairness in my own life. And maybe for one minute, I can stop asking why for myself and instead ask why for an assortment of other folks, all the while thanking God that I was born in this great country.
Now that I’ve broke the silence, I’m looking forward to catching up on everything that’s been going on. Life just isn’t the same with a dormant blog trust me. I’m happy to be back.
And before I sign off, I positively have to leave you with a pic of my new baby nephew, Cooper. He is precious.
week 29
more of week 29
1. olive on the back of the babies’ chair – where she thinks she belongs
2. Ghiradelli square – free chocolate! 3. our little Go Car we toured in on our last day 4. quaint little Haight coffee shop
