today was such a sweet day. every single text message and happy mother’s day wish I received was like a ray of sunlight. more than anything today I just keep thinking about how thankful i am that i have these two little ones. that god created them to be mine and jon’s and that we get to be their parents forever. every single movement inside me and every ache and pain is a reminder of what an honor it is to have this new title. i get teary eyed just thinking about it.
to our babies -
i am so proud and joyful to be your mama already. even though we have yet to meet, i feel like i already know you. your daddy and i have waited so long to know you, and we’ve never been more thankful for anything in our lives. i promise to do everything i can to be the best mama i can be to you. i will definitely make mistakes and you’ll have to show me some grace (you know this is my first time). i pray that you’ll see jesus in me and that you’ll learn from me to love others like he loves us. i hope to show you the world and teach you that god has made every person special regardless of what they look like on the outside or how much money they have. i hope you never doubt how much i love you and that you always know i’m here for you no matter what. i can’t wait to meet you, but please stay in there for and get bigger and stronger for at least 8 more weeks!
lots of love, mama
another sweet part of today was getting to wish a happy mother’s day to my mom and mother-in-law. i feel so blessed to have such amazing moms who love jon and i unconditionally and who have sacrificed so much for us over the years. for the twins i hope i can be as sacrificial and loving as they have been. then i will definitely count myself a successful mama. happy mother’s day mom and debbie. i love you both!
lastly, this day was a reminder of the long wait and the pain of waiting to see how god would choose to give us babies. it was a reminder of all those still out there wondering and waiting. i remember vividly how difficult mother’s day can be when all you want is to be called mama, but you have no choice in the matter. it feels so hurtful and hopeless. so to any of you reading this who are feeling that pain today, i’m praying for you and i hope you remember that someday god will bless you in the greatest way possible. it may not be how you imagined, but he has not forgotten you. and it will be worth the wait.
Baby boy and baby girl are getting big! They each weigh about 2 pounds and are about 14.5 inches long as of this week. They’re doing all kinds of cool things now like sleeping and waking at regular intervals, opening and closing their little eyes and even sucking their fingers (source)! It’s amazing to me how fast they are growing, and it makes me think about how fast they’re going to keep growing once they join us out here in the world. Makes me sad thinking about it already, lol.
This was a pretty epic week because we had two showers! They were both so perfect and definitely merit their own posts. Along with that we received such sweet gifts from family and friends like our double stroller, carseats, crib mattresses, baby swing, lots of clothes and so many other things. It has been the most exciting time! Not that it’s just about getting stuff, but having all these things pile up in our little house is making everything seem so real and soooo close.
Technically we still have 13 weeks left until go time, but my doctor thinks the babies will come in early July rather than early August. I’m not focusing on that too much though because I’m thinking it could make for a really long July if they decide to stay in there. And of course the longer they stay in there (within reason:), the better!
They are definitely making themselves known though. Moving around all the time and of course giving me lots of aches and heartburn. Oh heartburn. Sleeping has become quite interesting as well of course as it’s become somewhat of an olympic sport just to roll over in bed. Oh, and my ankles and feet have already decided to start swelling up. I look down and think “who’s legs are these??!” because they surely cannot be mine. It’s weird to feel like you’re wearing somebody else’s legs. I honestly cannot quite imagine what I’m going to feel/look like in about 6-8 weeks.
But how I love this bump. I love getting to be with our little babies all the time, taking them with me everywhere I go. Despite the discomfort of nighttime, I look forward to it every evening because I get to just spend time feeling the babies and thinking about every aspect of what they’re going to be like. I don’t think anything will ever quite compare to this time…having them inside me and getting to experience so much of them. I think the love surrounding them multiplied times 100 this week with all our friends and family celebrating them. It was the best ever.
So this weekend a random man in Home Depot said I looked like I could just “deliver that baby right then and there.”
Um….thanks? I guess that means I’m getting bigger. I’m going to choose to take that as a compliment ’cause these babies are growing!
And for an extremely far overdue announcement – little miss Olive is getting a…
BABY SISTER and BABY BROTHER!
A mini Candice and a mini Jon will be joining us in just a few short months, and we couldn’t be more excited! And just for the record, I guessed it;)
week 24 (left) and week 25 (right)
I always wondered why pregnant girls would stand like I am on the left. But every week I felt more and more awkward trying to pose. Before I even knew what I was doing last week, up went the right arm and the left followed. And there I was. Now I know.
How can I possible still have 15 weeks left to grow? Where are these babies going to go? The questions I ask myself a million times a day.
So many fun things from the last few weeks. Best of all – Jon felt baby girl move! Several times I had tried to call him over to feel, but the second he got close, they’d get all shy. Finally, just a few days ago, our sweet baby girl decided to give her daddy a good, hard kick. yay!
We’ve also made several fun purchases as of recent – a chair big enough for our entire family of 5, sheets, a sweet little doll and our first cloth diaper.
And today I received an invitation to the first one of my showers!
It has definitely been a big couple of weeks as far as baby progress. I still have to stop and tell myself that this is really happening quite often. The days of wondering if we would ever have a little McCoy are still far too fresh in my mind. It’s still really hard for me to digest that God has really given us two babies.
I know we don’t deserve it, and I only wish I could make the same thing happen for all the sweet girls I know who are longing for this very thing.
I do promise one thing, though. I will never ever take this baby boy or girl for granted. I’ll never forget what it felt like to want them so badly and not know if God would ever bring them to me. And for that reason alone, I am thankful for the experience of infertility.
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Aside from the big “countdown to babies,” I’m also pretty focused on counting down to the last day of school. Only 23 days left. I can hardly believe it. Honestly, this has been such a great year of school. If you’ve read my blog in the past, you know that teaching and I have not always gotten along super well. But this year has been different. I have some seriously amazing kids, and I think having an extra year of experience under my belt didn’t hurt. Either way, I’m really going to miss it.
When I told my principal I was leaving, I said “a baby is the only thing that could take me away from here.” And I actually meant it. I’m really thankful to be leaving on a good note. I’m not sure if I’ll go back someday or not…who knows where life will take us. But what a relief to not be running away this time.
I will be kind of relieved when this rollercoaster of teaching/not teaching/teaching again decides to level off. I think having a couple of sweet babies to occupy my time should take care of that!
For Spring Break we decided to take a last little trip just the two of us to San Franciso.
1. Our very first stop in SF for coffee and bagels 2. the GG Bridge as Jon calls it 3. One of 90 million photos of us by the bridge:) 4. his and hers root beers
1. How did they know? 2. Ghiradelli square – free chocolate! 3. our little Go Car we toured in on our last day 4. quaint little Haight coffee shop
1. Baker Beach – a favorite stop 2. Boudin at Fisherman’s Wharf – famous for sourdough bread bowls! 3. pretty San Fran
4. just motoring around
1. the Full House houses 2. breakfast 3. love him:) 4. on the cable car
1. fortune cookie factory in China Town. Paid .25 to take this pic. Thinking he got the better deal. 2. the beautiful Pacific 3. my handsome driver 4. twins!
This was the first trip either of us had taken to the west coast, and I’m so glad we went! Traveling has been something we’ve enjoyed so much together the last 6 years, and there were moments on our trip that I felt a little nostalgic thinking of our adventures together in the past. I know from now on it will never be quite the same.
But for every thought of how special the past has been, I was overwhelmed with anticipation for the future. Our traveling might look a little different, but I can hardly imagine how amazing it will be to show our babies different parts of the world.
Thanks so much for all the sweet congrats on my last post. I’ve waited what seems like a lifetime to make that announcement, and I’m so thankful and humbled that God finally allowed it to happen! You all just made it that much sweeter.
So, here’s a quick breakdown of the last few months:
November 12, 2011 – We had our embryos transferred and felt like we were already pregnant. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel scared that it wouldn’t work…but from the moment we left the hospital, we never stopped praying for our babies. I would lay on the couch and talk to them all the time, envisioning them as strong, healthy babies. From day one it felt like they were here to stay.
after transfer
November 21, 2011: We both left work a little early and met at home to wait for the call. We waited…and waited…and waited. And finally about 15 minutes after we were supposed to receive the call, we broke down and dialed the clinic. After identifying myself and holding for eternity, the nurse answered the phone with a “congratulations!” We’ve never felt so full of joy. I was considered 4 weeks already:) We drove straight to Baby Gap and bought onesies.
November 24 – 25, 2011: Shared with the family and gave so many thanks.
December 12, 2011:Week 7. All day nausea set in. Sick in the morning…sick at night. I had no appetite at all, and the only things that sounded somewhat edible were things I would usually never consider putting in my body. Sorry babies.
December 22, 2011: Week 8. Went for our 2nd ultrasound and got the biggest surprise of our lives – not 1 but 2 babies! Praise the Lord. We spent the following 2 weeks celebrating Christmas and sharing our 2nd piece of amazing news with our families. Oh, and of course every 10 minutes saying to each other “are we really having twins???”
sadly, we didn’t get any pics when we told mom and dad McCoy
Weeks 9- 13: Sick. sick. sick. But oh, so happy. I literally did almost nothing besides go to work and come home and lay on the couch for over a month. Jon gets major daddy/husband points for keeping the house running and going on wild goose chases to find anything I could eat. Oh, and lots and lots of backrubs. I’ve heard people say that a woman becomes a mom when she gets pregnant, but a man doesn’t become a dad until the baby (ies:) is born. Not true for my husband. In a way, he’s been taking care of these babies for months already!
Week 14: Started to feel a tiny bit better. We decided to make the big announcement on Facebook and the blog. Up until this point, I was so so thankful for the little babies inside me, but I had a really hard time letting go of my fear and just trusting God. For 18 months I had longed to be pregnant, and in my mind I think I had decided that it could never really happen. Every month had brought so much hurt, and it seemed impossible that it could have finally happened. I know that sounds kind of crazy, but the fear of losing them terrified me. When we announced our news to the world, I felt like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. It finally felt real, and I finally started really believing that our babies were going to be okay.
Week 15: Took my first picture of the bump!
Week 16: Bump picture number 2. This was the week I finally started to really feel almost like myself again. The nausea completely subsided, and I even started to feel a little more energetic!
Week 17:
Week 17 was pretty monumental. I worked out for the first time in 3 months! And I felt so good about it. When I started the IVF process, I was told I shouldn’t have physical activity, and since I followed every wives tale from eating pineapple to trying to laugh a lot after transfer….eating more eggs…you name it, stopping my workouts was a no brainer. And of course it just continued from there – I felt too scared of hurting the babies in those paranoid first several weeks of being pregnant, and then I was so sick I could barely talk on the phone much less get off the couch. So finally on Monday of week 17 I pulled out the prenatal bootcamp DVD my mom got me for Christmas and then I went for a long walk on two different days after that. Sad how accomplished I feel about walking around the neighborhood. I finally feel like I’m doing something good for myself and for the twins.
Week 18:
baby a:)
This was the week we found out the gender of our little babies! I was so nervous that they wouldn’t cooperate for the ultrasound and we’d be disappointed…but they were good little babies. Let’s hope that’s a good indication of the months/years to come:) The ultrasound tech started off by just letting us see them while she took pictures to send to our doctor. Then it was baby A’s turn to be examined. It only took a matter of seconds to find out Baby A’s gender – and we were so excited!! We also learned that Baby A will be the first one to come into the world if all goes as planned. Next was Baby B’s turn. This time it took a little longer to figure it out, but in the end both genders were as clear as day! The second best part of this ultrasound was finding exactly where each baby is hanging out in there. Now I have a good idea of where they are, and knowing that plus their genders makes this that much more real. I’ll tell whether we’ll be an all boy house, all girl, or one of each in an upcoming post:)
As soon as the ultrasound was over, I had this devious feeling of wanting to keep everyone in suspense, but I resisted. We went home and called parents, brothers and sisters, grandparents, aunts and uncles and our friends to let them know the exciting news. I loved getting to tell everyone, but by the end of all the excitement, I was exhausted!
Week 19
Week 19 was almost as exciting as the previous week because I felt the babies move for the first time. I’d been willing them to give me a few good hard kicks for a couple of weeks, but so far I’d felt nothing! The first few times I felt them left me excited, but also wondering if it really was them. But after it happened several more times, and I was feeling it on both sides, I realized that yes, it really was our 2 little babies making their presence known! One thing that made me doubtful at first was that it didn’t feel like a flutter like many people said it would. It felt more like a really soft little bump from the inside.
Week 20: and now I’m finally caught up!
Okay, I know I’m going to look back on this and laugh at myself, but I feel like I look huge in this picture! Not sure if it’s the stripes or if I’ve just doubled in size since last week…but either way I think the baby belly looks large and in charge:) This week we had another appointment, but no ultrasound. We did get to hear the heartbeats (which sound like little trains to me by the way) and the doctor checked me and said everything looks perfect! Yay! So far I’ve gained 12 pounds. I wasn’t really sure if that was good or not, but my nurse assured me I’m right on track. What a relief! I’ve also been getting in some really solid 3 mile walks this week, which have felt so good. And we ordered a treadmill, so I see many more walks in my future:)
And now for some randomness from the first trimester (which is obviously a little outdated, but I really wanted to document it somewhere)!
Symptoms (some known and some only I am convinced are because of pregnancy) nausea (of course), earaches, out of control sense of smell, exhaustion,
lots of bathroom trips, congestion, increased pulse (Jon doesn’t buy this one, but it’s for real),
bad taste in my mouth
Food cravings
lime chips, mac and cheese, cheerios, pad thai, orange juice
I realize this post was a complete overload of updates, but the combination of sickness, exhaustion and most recently, pure laziness has inhibited my blogging. I am kicking myself for not being better about documenting the last few months, and now it’s time for a fresh start.
So, look for upcoming posts on our last big trip just the two of us, nursery updates, the gender reveal!, and how my eating has changed since pad thai and cheerios!
Tomorrow might be the first day of life for our first sweet baby.
I am so far beyond excited. And thankful. And I would be lying if I said I’m not scared to death as well.
We are slated to arrive at the hospital at 6:30 tomorrow morning for retrieval. The last few weeks have been such a challenging whirlwind. We’ve given me shots while standing anywhere from the Whole Foods parking lot to a stairwell we snuck into during a Halloween party to the middle of the Colbie Caillat concert. Life has carried on despite the ultrasounds, blood work, pills and needles…but it’s been different. The anticipation of this IVF event has changed the tone of everything the last several weeks. And it’s all come down to the next couple of weeks (no pressure).
I have never prayed harder in my entire life than I have in the last few weeks. I’ve prayed constantly that God would enable my body to do what it’s supposed to do. So far, He has. Everything leading up to now couldn’t have gone better, and I couldn’t feel more confident going into this next phase. Unfortunately that doesn’t make our percentage any higher, but I am so thankful that He has chosen to bring us this far.
I’ve also prayed that God will give me the courage to trust him first and foremost. That whether our little babies survive and have the chance to develop or not, I will trust Him with our future. I will trust that He has a plan, and that plan will be carried out no matter what. This is my biggest request to my Heavenly Father. I believe He is faithful.
So, please pray with us. I’ve got needle marks all over, cramps in my stomach and emotions ranging across the board. But I’ve got so much hope inside. I’ve tried to figure out how to walk the tightrope of being positive, but protecting myself for so many months; this month I stopped trying. I put my heart out there, and I’ve done every thing I could…
For the longest time, Jon and I have felt God urging our hearts toward adopting a baby. For whatever reason the Lord has, this urging has always been in the direction of international adoption, specifically. We are both passionate about travel and other cultures and adopting from another culture seems to fit that. We of course realize that there are babies right here in our own country who are in need, but that doesn’t make the homeless babies in Thailand (for example) any less homeless. Even though we didn’t feel quite ready for a baby at that time, our visit to a Thai orphanage in 2008 watered the seed that God had planted in our hearts, nourishing our desire to bring a baby just like this little girl home one day.
Throughout the course of our journey through infertility, our excitement and longing for adoption has intensified ten-fold. I’ve said so many times that before we would do IVF, we would adopt. It honestly has never made a big difference to me whether our baby would come to us biologically or through adoption. I ache to experience both joys – feeling a baby grow inside me and welcoming a baby from another place into our lives. But the decision is not always that easy. God has blessed us with amazing insurance, which covers such a large portion of infertility treatments. For that reason alone we feel compelled to try for a biological baby first. In addition, the issues I had that were taken care of in my surgery back in May are recurring. So, as time goes on, they are slowly coming back, renewing their curse on my body and lessening my chances of ever conceiving a baby. With this in mind, we decided that if we were ever going to do everything we could to get pregnant, now is the time.
I still long every single day to start the adoption process. When I see a family with an adopted child, my heart aches in the same way it does when I see a pregnant woman or a precious little newborn. I was looking through some old journal entries, written in the past year and a half, and I found this entry, penned in April of this year right before my surgery.
April 4, 2011
Dear little McCoy,
I know I don’t know you yet, little one…but I already love you so much. Your daddy and I have been talking about you for the longest time, and we cannot wait until we get the chance to have you as a part of us.
Here in just a little bit I’m taking the first step to find out how you might come to be. Your mommy doesn’t know if you will come into our family as a tiny newborn that has grown inside me or as a precious baby from another country, but I want you to always know that I pined for you for so long, and I already love you more than there are stars in the sky, regardless of how you come into our life.
I know that God has a plan for you and for your life, and I’m praying for that plan all the time. I think about you every day, and deep inside my heart I long to be able to rock you, play with you, teach you about Jesus and show you the world .
Just the other night, we went to a mexican restaurant in town for dinner. Because it’s the best mexican food in town, there is always a long wait to be seated, so we claimed a bench spot in the already crowded waiting area. As we sat down, I noticed that the family to our right was busy corralling two little girls, who I’m certain were from somewhere in east asia. The mom and dad looked to be about our ages, and they were wearing shirts that indicated they were from our college town. Looking to be about 3 or 4 years old, these little girls were so precious. Probably appearing a little creepy, I couldn’t take my eyes off them the entire time. I was mesmerized by how much my heart ached to have little girls just like them as my own. My eyes began to fill up as I sat there feeling so intensely as if that should be us. Should is a funny word, I know.
Sometimes I want so badly to just quit everything we’re doing now and start our adoption story. I’ve spent a lot of time researching steps of the process, agencies, countries, expected hardships, the financial aspect etc., and I’m so ready to begin something that is going to be a sure thing in the end. This cycle of uncertainty, waiting and heartbreak is just so trying.
That being said, I know that we are very blessed to be given this opportunity and that not everyone is put in a place where they can go to these extreme measures to build their family. Despite my impatience to begin adoption, I still pray every day and thank God for providing us a way to try and get pregnant. I don’t take it lightly, and regardless of what happens, I’ll always be so grateful that we had the chance to pull out all the stops and really go for it.
I wanted to take a moment and write down these thoughts, so down the road I’ll remember exactly where our hearts were during this time. I pray to God that this works and I get the privelege of giving birth to a baby that is half me and half Jon. And regardless of whether that happens or not, I have faith that our dream of bringing a baby home through adoption will come true as well. It just depends on when and how. I can’t wait to see how the Lord decides to build our family.
I had just gotten home from school and sat down on the couch to try and decompress for a few. I hopped on one of my favorite blogs only to see that she was doing a giveaway for a maternity dress saying, “you should enter if you’re pregnant or trying.” Before I could even contemplate it for five seconds, I found myself closing the window, thinking “well that’s not for me.”
Quickly approaching is my greatest chance ever (thus far) of becoming pregnant (49% to be exact). And yet I realized today that I don’t truly believe it can or will happen. Cuddled up with a blanket and Olive, comments I’ve made recently and thoughts I’ve had started swimming through my mind. Why am I not believing this can happen for me?
I’ve been attempting to get up as many mornings as possible and do a yoga workout (I use an awesome app called Pocket Yoga). This morning – for the first time – I took my time in savasana to really envision the next 4-6 weeks. I envisioned every bit of the process and the outcome. Laying on my back, staring up at the dark ceiling, I pictured myself joyfully declaring “it worked!” and allowed myself to soak up the inexplicable elation that would consume me if I had the privilege of making such an announcement. In an effort to protect myself from disappointment, I usually don’t allow myself to go there. But deep inside I feel it’s important to believe that it can happen. That it will happen. And I want to believe it. How can I make let myself believe it?
For the past 17 months I’ve carefully teetered on the line between protecting myself from disappointment and allowing hope to course through me. But this is it, you know? Not that this is my absolute last chance ever, but we’re pulling out all the stops. I guess I’m just so scared to let myself go. And yet I’m scared not to.
I’ve got a lot on my mind tonight. Today when I got to work, there was an impromptu staff meeting called. We all gathered in the library with our principal to learn that one of our students passed away last night. It was a completely random and unexpected incident, and to say that everyone was in shock would be a major understatement. It was a sophomore football player, and the fact that my class roster shows nothing but sophomores made it an even more difficult day. Seeing the kids confused and hurting really hit me hard. First, it made me want to hug every one of my students today and tell them how much I care about them, and second, it made me feel compelled to try and keep a good perspective about everything that’s going on. I really am thankful because as painfully difficult as infertility is, it’s the worst thing I’ve had to deal with in my adult life, and I know that is a serious blessing.
Heavy stuff tonight.
On a lighter note – I just finished an amazing vegan chocolate chip cookie from Oklahoma City’s very own…..Whole Foods, which opened it’s doors for the first time last night!
I’m not even going to begin welcoming myself back and making excuses for the months that I’ve been MIA. It sounds like much more fun to just cut to the chase….bullet point style. There have been many things going on over the last couple of months – some more welcome in my life than others.
We took a mini trip to Dallas and bought new living room furniture! Buying a new couch was way overdue, and we finally just went for it. We got a really great sectional that fits our living room perfectly and seats so many more people plus a dining set. We are loving it them!
I started a new job. Teaching. If you’ve been reading CSM for more than a year, you know that the path I’ve walked with teaching has been rather…bumpy. There have been many highs and lows and unexpected twists…so it should have come as no surprise when yet another crazy change landed in my lap. Backing up a bit…last May I started teaching international students at a language school in our new city. I absolutely loved it. You guys know that international students are where my heart is, and I was seriously thriving. And then I got a text from my best friend and former teaching co-worker. And it changed everything. One day I was just fine, and 24 hours later I was making the decision to quit my job and go back to my old school as a sophomore English II and PreAP English teacher. It was a combination of being flattered, being offered a brand new classroom with great technology and a window, being lured back by my teacher friends and not wanting to say no to the money. I was never completely sure those were great reasons to go back, but for some reason it just seemed right. Now, almost halfway through the fall semester, I can honestly say it was the right decision. I LOVE my kids. I never knew I could enjoy students so incredibly much. To be blunt, I think I just really had a bad batch for my first year of teaching. But this time I’ve been blessed with some really awesome students. It has still been stressful. And I wanted to kill myself over 170 essays last month, but I truly feel like it’s worth it.
We’ve started the IVF process. Obviously, we are still wandering through the injustices of infertility, seeing as how you have yet to see a CSM baby announcement. Last month, after trying multiple other strategies, my doctor recommended that we start this process. We’re a little over 2 weeks in, and honestly, it’s making me crazy. I’m currently on birth control to regulate my body, and later this week I’ll start my first round of injections. I’m not looking forward to it, but I’m just doing my best to stay positive. I’ve been dealing with so many issues and feelings over the last couple of weeks – fear, hope, anxiety, excitement, impatience, thankfulness, anger, hormonal mood swings, constant headaches, numbness – just to name a few. It’s not getting any easier, and I’m not sure it will until this is over and we know the outcome. There’s so much more that could be – needs to be – said on this…but another time.
We took at trip to the state fair! Enough said.
We went to Washington D.C. Last year I tagged along with Jon on his work conference trip to D.C. And I completely fell in love! After accepting my new job, I wasn’t sure I was going to get to go again this year, but we made it happen. It was just as great as I remembered. Because we did so much sightseeing last year, we enjoyed a few less sights and a little more relaxing this year. We added on a couple of extra days to the front of the trip as a sort of vacation…and then I flew solo the other days. It was much needed time away.
it rained almost the entire time, and it was freezing!
I’ve missed blogging. I truly have. In the midst of the emotional highs and lows of the last couple of months, I oftentimes find myself retreating a little bit. I find myself saying that I really just want to crawl into a whole and hide until all this is over, and at times I feel like I have no energy left for relationships or the things I love in life. I know these feelings are only temporary – a result of medication and just a stressful phase of life, but it’s not a good place to be. So, tonight I’m stepping out. For the first time in a while, I’m not allowing myself to be defeated.. Tonight is all I can commit myself to right now. But right now it’s all I need. Tomorrow will be another day.
The husband worked so hard all week to put together the best birthday party ever. It was themed. And there were drinks. And an incredible spread of food.
And of course….the best cupcakes in town.
There was homemade lemonade and non-alcoholic sangria.
And best of all? All the people I love most in the world.
And when everyone was full of tacos and salsa, we played games.
Of course there were gifts (which were perfect), despite the “don’t bring gifts, just a good time” printed at the bottom of the invitation.
One of my favorite students, Blue, and favorite co-workers, Shelly, stopped by to visit.
Earlier in the day, Blue cooked an amazing spread of Arabic food for my family to enjoy. He made everything from some potato pastries (that’s what I call them anyway:) to kabobs, to fruit salad, pudding and cake. It really was incredible. International students are awesome.
Falling three days after my actual birthday, it was such a perfect way to celebrate a whole new year of life.
Last year at this time, I made a list of 27 things that I wanted to accomplish in my 27th year. Some of them I did succeed at, and some of them I didn’t. This year of life showed me that sometimes our best thought out plans are not quite as great as we imagine them to be.
So, it turns out that I didn’t quite get 20 books read, didn’t get our car paid off, have yet to open up a CSM t-shirt shop and definitely wrote a lot less.
Needless to say, aside from our year spent living in Thailand, this has definitely been our craziest year yet. And even though we’ve faced some of the most trying challenges of our lives, we have grown so much. Number one on my list was “fall more in love with my Savior.” I have to be honest and say that for while the opposite was happening. At times my anger and confusion over infertility gave way to questioning and stepping away from God like a small, defiant child.
And while I still have many questions, and I still don’t understand everything I want to understand about God, I’ve come to one conclusion. And that is despite whatever happens in life – whether good or bad – He is there.
For the entire first 26 years of my life, I took what I’d been told about God and I counted it as absolute truth. I never questioned it. I never really thought much about it on my own. And for the first time this year, I’ve questioned God. I’ve doubted Him. And while I wish I could say that my faith has been perfect, I have deepened my relationship with Him far beyond what I imagined before. I’ve come to the realization that I would much rather question Him, than never be challenged enough or think deeply about Him at all.
I can not even begin to imagine what this next year will hold for me. My prayer is that our family of two will become a family of three. We will be able to continue pursuing our dream of launching our own business. I’ll be able to love my job. And we’ll continue building and deepening relationships. But I’m holding onto those things very loosely, with an open fist, keeping in mind that He is in control. And remembering to not count too much on the plans that I lay out for myself.
This weekend, for the fourteenth time, my heart felt as if it was broken into a million tiny pieces.
For the fourteenth time, I found out that once again, I will not become a mom this month.
Over the past several months, things have been pretty quiet around here. I found out the hard way that when something difficult is going on in your life that you’re not quite ready to tell the world about, putting your everyday life out there becomes pretty tough.
A word that used to seem distantly scary…something that only happened to other people…has somehow become a constant in my life. I wake up to it at 5:30am every morning, thermometer in hand, and every night when I go to sleep it’s by my side. It tortures me in the most random moments of my day, reminding me that there’s something not quite right with me and leaving me in it’s dust wondering – am I worthy?
Every month is another identical path: I attempt to walk the fine line between protecting myself from disappointment and staying positive and hopeful until the truth arrives. Then, like the opening of a dam, all the positivity I had built up gives way as sadness, hurt and disappointment wash over me. Back to square one. Let’s do it all over again.
For many months I was so angry. Angry at myself. At God. At the world. But God is changing me. In this fallen world, there is so much sadness, hurt and disappointment, but He walks with us through it all. He calls us to praise him. Whether in the happiest times of our lives or the darkest days, He is there. And He deserves our praise. And I am finally beginning to see His work in my life through this situation. It has taken a long time, and my faith has at times been hanging on by a thread. But He never leaves me.
I’ve come to a place where I can feel the tears soaking the sheets and grieve over what could have been – what I prayed would have been – but in the same breath thank Him that He loves me. And thank Him that He has saved me. Among so many other things.
For a long time I didn’t want to tell anyone about this. I’m not sure why I wanted to keep it private….truly, I don’t have a reason. Maybe I was afraid of what people would think. Maybe it just seemed too personal. But over the last several weeks, I’ve found so many reasons why I want to talk about it here.
First, I need to. I need an outlet for the anxiety, doubt, guilt, fear…all the emotions that I filter through each month. And as always, like a knight on a white horse, writing comes to my rescue. Somehow writing and then stashing it on my hard drive just doesn’t feel the same as putting it out there to be read by real people. Which brings me to reason number two.
Community. I’ve said a million times that this community has been such a blessing to me. When I read a blog post from someone who is dealing with the same things I am, there is a connection that somehow helps ease the pain. It reminds me that I’m not alone. It helps me feel a little less crazy. If I can connect with other people though this and offer to someone else even a small escape from the loneliness, then it’s worth it.
Third…I want people to know my heart. I want to have a child so badly. I feel it as a deep ache all the way into the depths of my heart. Every. Single. Day. But on the outside no one would ever know. I want to be a transparent person. Someone who is open, who people feel as if they really know.
So, here I am.
I’m scared in so many ways. I’m scared of who all is going to read this and what they will think. But I’ve come to the point where this infertility is too much a part of my life, and I find too much joy in sharing my life through this blog to let it keep me away.
ChiaSeedMe is not going to become an infertility blog. While my journey to having a baby is a part of who I am, so are all the things I’ve always loved – healthy living, food, fitness, photography and all the little things in life. I will always write about those things. But I need to write about this too. I understand if some of you are completely uninterested – please feel free to just skip the posts about this topic if you’d like. But I’m ready to include all aspects of my life in this little blog now. And I hope you’ll all stick around.
So here’s to being real. And here’s to fighting every battle in life with an open heart and trust in Him. Seeking out the good in everything that life brings and letting the hurts soak through us, feeling them, and keeping on going.
when we first decided to build our house, we named this song as our theme song for the project. not very good video quality, but it was the best I could find.
A little over five months ago, the husband and I decided to do something a little crazy. Having always been the types for adventure, we rarely take the simple route when it comes to big events in life, whether it be moving overseas for a year, running a marathon together or in this case – moving in with my mom and step-dad for four months and building a house.
But I’m happy to say we have a lot of life and learning tucked under our belts, and even in the midst of the most difficult and trying moments I’m so enthralled by doing life together. The house building process was at the same time one of the most exciting and one of the most stressful projects we’ve tackled to date.
There were so many moments, on those long drives home after work where I just kept throwing out the question of why. Why in the world did we sign up for this? It’s so stressful and difficult. But at the same time there were many feel good moments when we saw the results of our determination come to fruition through even the littlest details – air ducts being installed, the addition of light switch plates, or the little tree in our front yard, however dead it may be:)
I love when I walk around various rooms of our house, and every little piece has a story and a vivid memory.
“…remember when I got on your shoulders in the pitch dark of night and tried to make a big ‘x’ on our dining room ceiling so they’d know where to hang that light?”
or
“…remember the time we celebrated my new job by using our drywall in the middle of the living room as a table for our cupcakes?”
or
“…remember that light that we ordered for our entryway only to realize upon it’s arrival that it was sized more for a hotel foyer than a modest sized house?
Overall it was worth every single decision, every moment commuting between work and my mom’s house, every disagreement and every stressful moment. We’re now able to add one more challenging life experience to our ever growing collection of adventures, and baby it feels SO good to walk in our home at the end of every day and say “we did this together.”
We closed on our 2nd house at 2pm on Friday, June 24th, two days past our expected date, and with the help of several family members (God bless them:), we moved in that night. However cliche it sounds, “good things come to those who wait” rang in my ears as we walked up the sidewalk to our house and the husband swept me up and carried me through the entry.
These days we’re loving all the extra time we have in the evenings, while trying desperately to revive our poor grass that was half dead before it was even laid. The husband has become quite good friends with the sprinkler, and I’m falling more in love with my kitchen every day.
We are so grateful for the opportunity to go through this process and most of all for the blessing of having our own home now. And of course one of the biggest highlights of it all has been getting our little baby dog back. I know she had a great time at my grandpa and grandma’s. They spoiled her rotten, and she loved every minute of it. But we missed her like crazy, and are loving every minute of having her back at home with us.
While she misses watching the cows and chasing squirrels all day long, I think she’s adjusting back to city life quite well. She’s finding her favorite spots inside and having a grand time exploring the neighborhood on our morning walks.
Now that we’re finally getting settled and life is beginning to get into a new routine, we’re ready and waiting for our next adventure.
What is the best adventure you’ve ever been on?
in our guest bedroom on a rainy night less than a week before we closed
Happy Friday!
By the way – while I don’t have very many inside pictures of our house to post right now, I’ll definitely put together a little photo tour once we get unpacked and the house doesn’t look like a tornado anymore. Trust me, you don’t want to see that.
We all know that it really doesn’t matter how long it takes you to get across the start line in a race because the final results go by chip time anyway, right? Well, mostly.
The problem is that if you start fifteen minutes late, then you automatically are surrounded by runners who are in an entirely different pace group than you are. And most of the time not only runners who are slower, but also walkers. Don’t get me wrong, I have a huge level of admiration for anyone who can walk an entire half marathon, but it’s just a little frustrating when you’re trying to set a good pace and every ten feet you find yourself dodging people or having to stop entirely so as not to run over someone. Such was the first about 5 miles of our race, no kidding. Once we finally got going, I just wanted to go. Despite the freezing cold rain, I was feeling pretty positive and so excited to finally be on our way. My competitive side was definitely rising to the occasion, and I wanted so badly to set ourselves up to PR.
Other than dodging people and puddles, the first nine or ten miles were pretty uneventful. The first time we ran this race, I wasn’t as familiar with OKC, so I didn’t really know where we were on the path at any point in time. Which was probably good considering we did the full and I probably would have died had I known how far we were really running. But this time it was kind of nice to be able to take in all the neighborhoods, restaurants and streets that we’ve been exploring since making OKC our new home. We even ran down the exact same intersection where we got rear ended just a few short weeks ago. It was actually at that point that I remember looking sideways at this husband and saying “this is so fun!” haha. I’m pretty sure he gave me the evil eye in response. I was seriously having the time of my life, though. There were tons of spectators out, especially considering the weather…and it was so exciting. Moments like those are why I run races. There’s just nothing that compares.
I had known for awhile that the husband wasn’t having his best race day. You know how it is. Sometimes you’re on. And sometimes you’re just not. For whatever reason, the husband was just not “on,” and the freezing cold rain and wind definitely wasn’t helping. Around mile ten I started feeling a little sluggish and my legs were getting tired. But overall I was still in the game to keep pushing forward. We stopped at an aid station about that time and grabbed some orange slices, which I thought would give us just the right boost of energy to finish strong. But unfortunately it started causing the husband stomach cramps, and for him things just continued to go downhill.
It was getting colder by the minute, and by this point we were completely soaked through with rain. Every time we’d run under a tree, the wind would blow and dump a huge load of rainwater right on top of us. Honestly, the weather was so ridiculous that I couldn’t help but chuckle. It was just plain crazy to be out there, especially around mile 10-11 when it started lightening again. All I kept thinking about was how sorry I felt for the full marathoners (including my little cousin) who were for the most part barely at the halfway point.
Around mile 11 or so, the husband really started to be in pain. Poor guy. I felt so bad. He tried to get me to go on and leave him behind, but that was never an option in my mind. There may be a day where I set out to train for and run a race on my own, but so far in our running lives, the husband and I have stuck together. He’s my partner in everything, and as bad as I wanted us to PR, there was no part of me that wanted to finish that race without him by my side. It’s just like in life…everything (at least for the most part:) is better when we’re doing it together. So, I just tried to encourage him as much as possible; he was getting so frustrated with the situation, and I just kept reminding him that it was just a race. And in fact, it wasn’t even really a race for us…it was a run. All I wanted him to do was to be able to relax and enjoy the rest of it as much as possible. Otherwise, what’s the point in running?
I was so proud of the way he finished. Between miles 11 and 13.1 we had to walk for various short spurts, but he always started back up even when it was painful and not easy. When we got about a half mile from the finish line, we both laid it all out on the line, and we killed it. It was exhilirating. As we sailed toward the end, waiving to my mom and step-dad, I had flashbacks and visions of so many things – our first half marathon, our full marathon two years ago, our year in Thailand, our house, all the challenges we’ve faced in our five years of being married, and I felt so happy and complete.
These last ten weeks have been really tough. I honestly didn’t realize how tough they were going to be. So much in our life has changed and this transition of living out of my mom’s extra bedroom, starting new jobs, commuting, missing Olive, dealing with health issues, building a house…it is such a replica of the passion and dedication it took to train for and run that race. We were hesitant and a little bit fearful when we started out. We’ve had some major highs. And some serious lows. We’ve helped carry each other through – mentally and physically – when things have gotten really tough and seemed impossible.
And we’ll continue to press on, hand in hand, until the very end. We’ll be better individuals…stronger. And we’ll know each other more deeply and be able to support and love each even better. I’m so glad we ran this race. Even though it didn’t go anything like we expected, it was worth it a million times over.
.
After the race, we grabbed some bagels and water and headed back to find my family. Both of my little cousins were still out, one doing the half and one the full, and I really wanted to watch them come in. After we stopped running though, we just got colder and colder (it even started to hail before the full was over). I think the temperature was in the upper 30’s by this point, and it was still pouring rain. I couldn’t feel anything from my knees down, my hands were throbbing, my face hurt….we waited around for about a half hour or so before we realized we might die if we didn’t get back to our hotel and get out of wet clothes. The walk back to our hotel was by far the most miserable part of the morning…I can’t even describe it. As soon as we got back, we had a quick photo shoot together since nobody had a camera at the finish, and then took the longest, hottest shower in the history of showers. I seriously never wanted to get out! No better way to end such a crazy, epic race:)
After spending the entire afternoon in the hospital today, it’s 3am and I can’t sleep.
It has been the craziest week and definitely hasn’t gone as I expected. So, I’m trying to sift all the wonderful things that God is trying to teach me out of the mound of uncertainties…and keep on going.
The primary reason (as there are many) behind my elusiveness from the past week is that I had surgery last Friday. Unfortunately, I’m not really ready to share with the world exactly what is going on, but I find it quite hard to write on my little blog while trying to sidestep the most major thing that is going on in my life right now.
So, I had surgery last Friday, and what was supposed to be a 45 minute operation turned into an hour and a half operation…which of course has extended into a seven day recovery rather than a two day recovery. And…being the genius that I am, I promised my new employers that I would begin my new position by substituting for a teacher who is on vacation for the entire week. Oops. Let’s just hope my first impression with them was super strong because otherwise they’re probably wondering what they’ve gotten themselves into. Either way. I actually went into work today for the first time, still feeling a little shaky, but ready to try and jump back out into the real world…only for it to end in disaster. Two hours later and the husband is picking me up on the side of the road and carting me off to the ER where I spent the next four hours in serious pain…and then three more after that just trying to get my bearings back and waiting to get out of there. All in all I’m just happy to be back home in my own bed with no more needles in my arm or awkward male x-ray techs. “I don’t care if you see the back of my hospital gown gape open – just get this x-ray done so I can get back in bed!”
I digress.
So that is that. I went ahead and took off work again today and tomorrow. Even though my first instinct is always to push myself the extra mile, I’m learning that sometimes I just have to listen to what my body is telling me to do. Novel idea, right?
This past week I have eaten very little aside from graham crackers. I don’t really have an appetite at all, and it’s hard to get much down. The poor husband has been subsisting on fast and frozen food, and that alone is really starting to wear on me. So today I shall spend the day mostly in bed, planning some meals before I venture out to our local Country Boy to get a few groceries. I’m praying they have hummus because I’ve slowly started craving it again…but I’m definitely not getting my hopes up! It is Country Boy after all.
In other news, the house is coming along nicely! Yesterday they were staining our concrete and the brick and stone had arrived. Our close date is set for six weeks from yesterday, and we’re still hoping to make it in by then. I’m looking forward to doing a real update soon, once I can get up there to take some pictures.
And of course I still have a long overdue half marathon recap still to come…
I’m so ready to get back into some sense of a normal life. These past 10 weeks have been very trying, but I know there is a purpose in them, and I know we’ll come out better in the end. I just keep thanking the Lord that I have my sweet husband and amazingly supportive family along for the ride.
I find it so difficult to write a post after being gone for awhile. There is just so much to catch up on it’s overwhelming!
This couple of weeks or so have been so busy. Someone please tell me how I went from living in our small town, the husband and I both working 2 minutes from home, spending our evenings working on Outbox, blogging and playing with Olive to living with my mom, commuting an hour each way, job searching, building a house and having visiting hours with Olive…all in a matter of weeks! It has been an exciting time, but definitely hasn’t been without stress and tiredness. I had to force myself to let everything go quiet here for a little bit while I tried to keep my head above water. But I’m back for the time being and ready to catch up!
Here’s a bit of what I’ve been doing (in random order):
The husband, Olive and I visited Duncan for Easter. Of course mom and dad McCoy were there, but my brother-in-law and sister-in-law also came, carrying with them my (unborn:) nephew, baby McCoy. Have I told you I’m going to be an aunt???
Our house got sheet rock! We were surprised at how soon it went up – one day we drove out to check on things and we had gotten walls! It was so exciting to finally be able to really see how big the rooms will be and what it really looks like inside. Since then we’ve been scrambling to try and make final decisions on paint colors. counter-tops, back splash, lights etc. It’s been super fun, but also stressful. The hardest part is trying to envision what something will look like based on a tiny sample. Oh, and trying to decide where to spend money on upgrades and where to save. All I can say is it’s a good thing the husband and I agree on most things, or we’d really be in trouble. The other night we went to the house to try and mark on the ceiling where we wanted the dining room light to be moved to. This was harder than you might think seeing as how it was pitch dark and our ceilings are nine feet high. One thing I know for absolute certain is that I will never get on the husband’s shoulders in a pitch black room again…scariest thing I’ve ever done.
small and cozy. living in small spaces = less room to accumulate junk and less cleaning
master bathtub and shower
master bedroom
standing in kitchen looking into living room
looking from living room into kitchen
I started my new job! I was offered a job at the ESL Institute I told you about but instead of it being full-time teaching, I’ll also be responsible for other office type duties. I’ll be taking over communication with agents in the countries they work with – Korea, Taiwan, China, Vietnam – to be able to recruit students. I’ll also be in charge of trying to find home-stays for students once they get here and some other random things. I’m super excited about it. Next week though, I’ll be subbing full-time for one of the teachers who is going on vacation, so I’m spending part of this week preparing for that.
The husband and I celebrated my new job by eating cupcakes at the house!
I wore the husband’s shoes so I wouldn’t get my heels messed up
We spent the weekend with some friends who live in town and some from out of town. We were all good friends in college, but I hadn’t seen a couple of them in ages. It was such a breath of fresh air to spend time talking about old times and catching up on what’s going on now. One of my best friends from college, Hannah, has two of the prettiest and sweetest little girls who helped entertain us as well. We all tried a couple of new restaurants in OKC together, and reviews will be forthcoming!
Elyse and Ryan
Hannah and Todd
we stayed up way too late roasting marshmallows the night before our half marathon
The husband and I ran our 2nd half marathon! With pouring rain and thunderstorms the entire race (and hail right after we finished), it was rather interesting and it definitely didn’t go quite as we expected. But I still felt so proud and euphoric as we raced across the finish line, soaked to the bone. I’ll be posting a full race recap later, so stay tuned!
So, those are a few of the highlights of what’s been going on lately. I’m hoping to be able to pull myself together to start posting more regularly again, but as you all know life has to come first. We only have seven weeks left until we close on our house…it’s getting closer!
Miss you all so much and hope everything is going well
As you may have noticed, I haven’t cooked an actual meal in about 2 or 3 weeks. Reasons being – number one, we are never home until about 8:30pm or later and number two, it’s harder than you might think to share kitchen space when you don’t eat the same types of food. I miss my kitchen:)
I ran five miles this morning and felt pretty good until I got back to the car and couldn’t find my car key. 15 minutes later I finally founded it inside my shirt. Still contemplating that one…
We only have a week and a half until our 2nd half marathon. I’ve realized the last week or so that it will be a small miracle if we beat our first time. I’m currently trying to stifle my competitive side and not care.
The level at which I miss Olive is on the rise with every passing day. I thought these things were supposed to get easier with time?
Kathleen Grissom, the author of one of my favorite books – The Kitchen House, commented on my blog the other day. I’m still giddy with excitement over it.
Lately I’ve been a bit out of sorts, and I’ve narrowed it down to a few things: our one bedroom living quarters is cramped, cluttered and disorganized; because I currently live in our car more than anywhere else it is also cramped, cluttered and disorganized; I’ve been eating out most meals which means my pants are slowly getting a little bit more snug and our bank account is dwindling; my hopefully soon-to-be job is completely uncertain, and I have no control over what happens. Other than that everything is going pretty well;)
I am the absolute luckiest girl in the entire world to be married to the husband. Love that boy.
The husband and I are currently re-watching Lost through Netflix. We started watching it during our time in Thailand and completely fell in love with the show, especially the characters. One night we decided that we needed a new show to start watching, so we walked down to Night Bazaar, surveyed the available options and after narrowing it down between Grey’s Anatomy and Lost (neither of which we knew anything about), we decided on Lost. After which, we proceeded to watch every single season within about a month long period (could be slightly exaggerated). I think the show was technically in season five or so when we discovered it. We totally fell in love with it, and of course continued watching it once we moved back to the States. Anyway, it’s such a complex show that we recently decided to re-watch every episode, which has proven to be almost as exciting as the first round. We’re noticing and catching things that we never noticed before, and the story has become even more amazing. If you’re a Lost fan, you know what I mean.
So Friday night we had a Lost marathon and ate some pizza in bed. Yes, in bed. Our bed is essentially our new living room because my mom and step-dad don’t watch Lost. We spend a lot of time on our bed these days, which also really reminds me of Thailand because when we lived there our bedroom was the only room that was air-conditioned. Tropical country + no a/c = no further explanation needed.
I digress.
Saturday
After relaxing in bed (told you) for awhile Saturday morning, we headed to the city to get some house progress done! Most recently we got our a/c ducts and furnace installed as well as wiring throughout the whole house. With all the progress that’s happening, we’re realizing more than ever that we need to get on the ball with making decisions about the inside. We met with our design person in the early afternoon, and finally decided on our flooring – it feels so good to have one decision finally made! Our entryway, kitchen, living, dining and bathrooms will all be stained concrete, and our bedrooms with be a dark brown wood. I love the idea of juxtaposing the two materials, and I think it will add to the eclectic feel – which makes me happy!
Anyway, after house errands, we met with our accountant – finally finishing up taxes – and then decided to explore some more OKC restaurants, namely Iguana.
The husband had heard about this little mexican cafe, and it sounded divine. Upon pulling up to it, we knew it was going to be right up our alley. Situated at the edge of Midtown right beside the railroad tracks, it has a lively, modern atmosphere complete with indoor seating as well as a lovely outdoor patio. So so pretty. The service was fantastic – from the waiter who, upon bringing our setup, breezily stated “best chips and salsa in OKC” to the fast delivery of our meals. And the food was honestly the best mexican food I’ve had in Oklahoma, no exaggeration. There were a TON of veggie options, and everything (especially the salsa) was ultra fresh and delicious.
I ordered the veggie quesadillas, and the husband ordered a veggie burrito so we could split both. It was definitely way too much food by the end, and next time we’ll try to restrain ourselves by ordering just one dish to split…but we enjoyed every last bite, only leaving a few remnants behind.
Despite being so full, after we finished eating we walked next door to check out yet another cupcake shop – hey, it was too cute to pass up! SaraSara Cupcakes is a cupcakery we hadn’t heard of yet. The atmosphere was adorable, located in a two story old fashioned house – it surprises you when you walk in to find super modern decor.
The cupcake selection was pretty extensive, and the husband and I walked out with a red velvet and a mint chocolate in tow. To be eaten later of course…in bed. I’d say the atmosphere of this shop ranks just under Cuppies and Joe (for all you Oklahomans), but above Gigi’s and Pinkitzel. However, as far as taste GiGi’s cupcakes have still yet to be beat (in my opinion). Overall though, I’d choose Cuppies and Joe any day if I was looking for a great cupcake + great atmosphere. Love that place. No doubt we will be back to SaraSara though, and I will say I think you get more cupcake bang for your buck there!
Last stop of the night was a tiny little shop called Shop Good next door that we just barely noticed on our way back to the car. Intrigued, we ventured inside to discover a novel little place filled with vintagy and unique clothing, accessories and trinkets. What really makes it special though, is that every item in the store comes with an attached tag that indicates a specific cause to which part of the profit of that particular item goes. They currently have a partnership with “The Tapestry Project, an OKC-based nonprofit that’s working to address homelessness and poverty among marginalized women in a deteriorating neighborhood on the south side of the city.” [source] So not only did I come out with an awesome skirt and tee, but 5% of the cost went toward this awesome OKC charity. Epic. I love my city.
Sunday
Sunday started out bright and early with an eventful ten mile run. We had planted frozen water bottles along our route that morning, thinking they would be partially thawed out by the time we got to them. Unfortunately, it was quite a bit chillier than past weeks, and upon hopefully arriving to each bottle we realized each time that they were still frozen solid. Finally at about mile eight, we ran up on some sprinklers working hard to quench the thirst of the yard and sneakily took full advantage of them, getting huge mouthfuls of water as it ran down our chins. I was a new woman. We rocked the last two miles and came in at about an hour and fifty minutes. The weather was absolutely perfect for running – high 50’s with a slight breeze – and now I’m keeping my fingers crossed for similar weather at our race – which is in just 2 weeks! So excited!
Unfortunately, after spending about 15 minutes looking for the long sleeved shirt I’d ditched and hidden a little too well at mile 2, we were still an hour away from church and were already clearly going to be late, so we just hit up Panera looking way too dressed up. Though completely unplanned, it was a wonderful breakfast and we spent some time dreaming about plans for the future and all the great things that are happening right now. Love those kind of moments with the husband:)
More family time ensued in the afternoon when we picked up Olive and then followed my mom, step-dad, and grandparents to our new house. They hadn’t seen it yet, and we were so excited to show them; it meant so much to us that they came up to see everything. After the house, we caravanned around OKC, cruising by some cute houses in our favorite districts and then finally ending up at Subway for some quick dinner.
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Since moving to OKC, our weekends have become so much more full. We are LOVING all that there is to do here – the neighborhoods to explore, new restaurants to try, streets to walk. We love to go, do, see – and the city lends itself to that so much more. We’ll always love our little college town, and every visit back there will be so sweet…but I think I can officially say our hearts now belong in OKC. I’m so thankful for the opportunity to make our home here, and so excited for the future. I know OK isn’t a popular city, and many people probably still think it’s red dirt and cowboys, but it truly has so much to offer, and I hope we’ll be able to offer back to it in the years to come. And besides, a little red dirt never hurt anyone anyway.
What’s your favorite thing about the city you call home?
The weekend flew by so fast, as always, and it was as full as ever in the last two months. Friday evening the husband and I stopped by our house after work to see how it was coming along. It really is incredible how much has been done this week. Last Sunday our house looked like this:
And this Sunday it looked like this:
After we signed the papers and everything it literally felt like absolutely nothing happened for weeks, and just when we were starting to become a little bit concerned they really got going on it. Here’s the progression of the last month in pictures:
We’ve now got about 2 months and 11 days until our anticipated close date…we’re so ready! And another couple pics just for fun:)
haha – jumping pictures are not my strong suit
looking into our living/dining room from the entryway
After checking out the house Friday evening, we re-visited one of our favorite new restaurants. The last time we went to Cafe 7 was last Sunday with some friends, and we knew there was so much more that we wanted to try. This time we both got something different, and it did not disappoint.
I went with the margarita pizza, which had marinara sauce, mozzarella cheese, fresh basil, spinach and tomatoes. Delicious!
I ate about half and took the rest home because the husband and I had grand plans to split a cookie. Seeing as how Cafe 7 is only about a mile from our new house, I’m sure we’ll be back many more times.
Post dinner we decided to head down to an area of OKC called the Plaza District. We went there during the day once before, but on the first Friday night of every month all the shops are open, there’s live music, street vendors, food, and all kinds of other fun stuff like the Humane Society pups up for adoption.
As you all know, now would not be the best time for the husband and I to adopt a new dog, but I wanted to take this guy home so badly! I think I’m having puppy withdrawals:(
Anyway, Saturday we had an appointment to pick out the lighting for our house and then we met up with the husband’s parents for lunch and to go see the house. Lunch was a cute little restaurant that sits right on the lake, called Louie’s. We actually had this place in our old town, but we didn’t go there very often…only once I think. It was excellent though – great atmosphere, great food – actually the best fruit I think I’ve ever had at a restaurant.
black bean burger with avocado = amazing
iPhone pics. eh.
On Sunday the husband and I got up early to do our long run. Honestly, I was not looking forward to it. On Friday, I had experienced one of the absolute worst runs of my life. Every step was brutal – my lower back hurt, my shins hurt, my quads…everything. In retrospect I really should have just thrown in the towel probably, but I really needed to get in the mileage, so I did my best to push through. I had kind of an emotional breakdown after it…I think the pain and frustration brought out all these pent up emotions – stress, tiredness, feeling like everything is all out of whack right now – and I just needed to let it all out. I was really feeling down. Thankfully the afternoon improved drastically because my interview went really well, and the husband booked me an afternoon massage. He really is the most thoughtful husband in the world.
But back to the long run. We were slated to go 9 miles, and the first 4.5 went pretty well; I felt a lot better than I anticipated I would. We ended up doing sort of an out and back route, and it was only when we turned to head back that we realized how windy it was. With the wind at our backs we barely felt it, but all of a sudden it felt like we were running into a wall. Flashbacks to our marathon 2 years ago kept popping into my head as we fought our way back. Hills, wind, the whole bit was the essence of the last 4.5 miles…and there were definitely some walking breaks. However, we both somehow got a second wind with about a half mile left and finished at about an 8:30 pace. No matter what the majority of a run is like, I always feel as if I’ve redeemed myself when we finish strong and happy.
The rest of Sunday included breakfast at Subway, lots of IcyHot, a long nap, and a visit to our baby. The best way to end a weekend I think. Now for another busy crazy week!
Edit: I actually wrote this post on Thursday, but my camera battery went dead, and I wasn’t able to pull the pictures off, and I haven’t been home since then to get them. I know it’s kind of weird to be posting a recap of the weekend a week late, but I really want to document this time in our life, so weird or not – here it is!
I really can’t believe it’s already Thursday again, and I’m just writing my first blog post this week. I have to admit, I’m really struggling with this whole “getting into a routine” thing. We have been SO busy lately, and honestly we just haven’t been at home much at all. Because my mom and step-dad live so far away from the city, by the time the husband and I do everything we need to do after work, we don’t get home until super late. This means minimal blog time and little to no cooking.
We have been spending so much money on eating out lately, and while I try to keep it as clean as I can it’s still not the same as knowing exactly what’s in my food. The jeans are starting to feel a little snug despite training for our half marathon, and I’m going to have to clean it up a little more asap. I’m not going to lie…it has been hard. You’d think that being five weeks into our new life, I would have found a balance by now, but I think it’s getting worse not better. I’m just so ready to live in the town we work in, have more time at home and get back on a regular blogging schedule – it cannot happen soon enough!
This past weekend, the husband and I went to the OKC Home Show to try and get some ideas for our house; while we didn’t really get a lot of decor ideas, we did buy a steam mop that I’m really excited about. haha. I’m such an adult now.
On Sunday we went and tried another new church and then met up with some friends for lunch. I went to college with Elyse, Ryan and JJ, and it was so so fun to hang out again. They are one of the many reasons why we are so excited to have moved to the city – looking so forward to reconnecting and having fun date nights!
JJ and her cute baby boy, Grayson. Seth didn’t quite make it into the picture.
Ryan and Elyse
After lunch we went over to my grandparent’s house to celebrate my grandpa’s birthday. Even though we live so close now, I still feel like we’ve barely spent any time with my whole family, and it was so nice to just spend time with everyone. And we got to see our baby of course.
I believe my grandpa is one of the best men who has ever existed. He has quite the sense of humor, and he never fails to make me laugh…always telling jokes and being clever:) He has been such a hard worker his entire life; even to this day he loves nothing more than being outside, working hard. In the summer he always has a bandana around his forehead, coveralls on, with sweat all over him as he fixes and/or makes everything under the sun. But he also reads books like it’s his job:) I love my grandpa so much, and I’m so thankful to have him in my life. He’s one of the most important people in the world to me. And now he’s helping take care of spoil my baby, and I couldn’t be more thankful.
Pictures of my Grandpa are still stuck on my camera (don’t ask), so I’ll be posting them soon! I just had to get this post up..it was getting ridiculous.
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In other news, our house is coming along nicely! Things have sped up the last few days; one day we went and it was a concrete slab (which we were hugely excited about), and the next day it looked like an actual house!
We’ve got windows and walls, and I really wanted to just set up camp for the night but decided that it might be best to wait until our roof is not just rafters.
Also, today we went to the design center and were able to pick out most of the details. We analyzed back-splashes, tile, cabinets, counter-tops, wood floors, paint, brick and tons more. It was pretty overwhelming, but also so much fun! Because the husband and I are a little bit picky, we didn’t have nearly enough time to finish, so we’ll be going back next week to wrap it up. Hopefully I’ll be able to share some pictures of what we’ve picked out!
Tomorrow I have a second interview with the ESL institute that I would prefer to teach at, and I’m hoping I’ll find out more about it in general and more about if/when I’ll be able to start! Right now everything is so crazy that I don’t know how I’m going to fit in a job, but it’ll work somehow;) I just hope it all goes well and that they want to hire me sooner rather than later.
So, that’s a really random recap of everything that’s going on right now. It’s so funny how when my life is crazy I really want it to slow down and I envy people who have a semi normal schedule. But as soon as my schedule turns normal, I long for excitement an spontaneity. I guess it’s really all about embracing whatever moment you’re in, and that’s exactly what I’m trying to do. Trying being the key word here.
I’m thankful to those of you who have been still stopping by this little blog of mine. I promise the disorganization and lack of focused posts will all pull together soon and things will be back to normal. Thank you for sticking with me through it all though. Hope you’ve had a great week!
Do you thrive on routine and normalcy in your schedule or do you love when things are crazy?
Another successful weekend in the great OKC. The husband and I ate and explored until our hearts were content…and we did most of it with the little baby in tow, which made it all the bettter.
We started off Saturday afternoon at Panda Express because it was the only veggie friendly restaurant that had a nice outdoor patio just begging for us to relax on it.
One of my not so healthy loves is lo mein noodles and spring rolls. mmmm….Asian food.
After lunch we headed down to the Plaza District, a quaint little area in the heart of OKC dotted with vintage shops. One of our friends from college opened up her own handmade boutique a few years ago, and I’ve been itching to stop by and check it out. It was just as cute as I’d imagined.
One of the best parts about this little shop is that it’s pet friendly. We carried O around for awhile, but eventually let her down to make friends with the shop dog. She wasn’t toooo excited.
And she was a good little baby while her mama tried on some clothes.
After shopping for a bit, we decided to hit up the much talked about little cupcake shop just a couple of miles way.
Cutest little cupcake shop ever! Even counting the ones in Old Town Alexandria that I fell in love with last fall. Very quickly I’m finding out that OKC has more than a few things going for it.
I ordered the highly recommended iced coconut latte with soy. yum! And the husband and I split this little gem – chocolate cupcake with a mocha chocolate icing.
We liked.
After letting our little snack settle, we were off to our next destination – the Paseo District – for a little walking and sightseeing.
She still loves me:)
And then the long drive back home. She was tuckered out.
After we picked up Olive at my grandma’s, we were cruising along toward the city when we suddenly looked at each other and we knew exactly what each other was thinking. Our little family was finally together again, and it felt like everything was right in the world. I still have moments of weakness when I think to myself “why did we decide to give her up?” “What were we thinking?”
We’re now 3 weeks down and 13 to go. Just trying to keep whittling it down.
I spent most of yesterday on the search for a job. I’m having a bit of a hard time with it. Sometimes I think I just analyze things too much…and it gets me all stressed out. I’m hoping to be able to find something this week, but so far I’ve kind of struck out. Hopefully I’ll have better luck today!
Is there something in your life that you’re having to make an effort to stay positive about? What do you do to help yourself stay focused on the bright side?
2. Ghiradelli square – free chocolate! 3. our little Go Car we toured in on our last day 4. quaint little Haight coffee shop
