today was such a sweet day. every single text message and happy mother’s day wish I received was like a ray of sunlight. more than anything today I just keep thinking about how thankful i am that i have these two little ones. that god created them to be mine and jon’s and that we get to be their parents forever. every single movement inside me and every ache and pain is a reminder of what an honor it is to have this new title. i get teary eyed just thinking about it.
to our babies -
i am so proud and joyful to be your mama already. even though we have yet to meet, i feel like i already know you. your daddy and i have waited so long to know you, and we’ve never been more thankful for anything in our lives. i promise to do everything i can to be the best mama i can be to you. i will definitely make mistakes and you’ll have to show me some grace (you know this is my first time). i pray that you’ll see jesus in me and that you’ll learn from me to love others like he loves us. i hope to show you the world and teach you that god has made every person special regardless of what they look like on the outside or how much money they have. i hope you never doubt how much i love you and that you always know i’m here for you no matter what. i can’t wait to meet you, but please stay in there for and get bigger and stronger for at least 8 more weeks!
lots of love, mama
another sweet part of today was getting to wish a happy mother’s day to my mom and mother-in-law. i feel so blessed to have such amazing moms who love jon and i unconditionally and who have sacrificed so much for us over the years. for the twins i hope i can be as sacrificial and loving as they have been. then i will definitely count myself a successful mama. happy mother’s day mom and debbie. i love you both!
lastly, this day was a reminder of the long wait and the pain of waiting to see how god would choose to give us babies. it was a reminder of all those still out there wondering and waiting. i remember vividly how difficult mother’s day can be when all you want is to be called mama, but you have no choice in the matter. it feels so hurtful and hopeless. so to any of you reading this who are feeling that pain today, i’m praying for you and i hope you remember that someday god will bless you in the greatest way possible. it may not be how you imagined, but he has not forgotten you. and it will be worth the wait.
For Spring Break we decided to take a last little trip just the two of us to San Franciso.
1. Our very first stop in SF for coffee and bagels 2. the GG Bridge as Jon calls it 3. One of 90 million photos of us by the bridge:) 4. his and hers root beers
1. How did they know? 2. Ghiradelli square – free chocolate! 3. our little Go Car we toured in on our last day 4. quaint little Haight coffee shop
1. Baker Beach – a favorite stop 2. Boudin at Fisherman’s Wharf – famous for sourdough bread bowls! 3. pretty San Fran
4. just motoring around
1. the Full House houses 2. breakfast 3. love him:) 4. on the cable car
1. fortune cookie factory in China Town. Paid .25 to take this pic. Thinking he got the better deal. 2. the beautiful Pacific 3. my handsome driver 4. twins!
This was the first trip either of us had taken to the west coast, and I’m so glad we went! Traveling has been something we’ve enjoyed so much together the last 6 years, and there were moments on our trip that I felt a little nostalgic thinking of our adventures together in the past. I know from now on it will never be quite the same.
But for every thought of how special the past has been, I was overwhelmed with anticipation for the future. Our traveling might look a little different, but I can hardly imagine how amazing it will be to show our babies different parts of the world.
Thanks so much for all the sweet congrats on my last post. I’ve waited what seems like a lifetime to make that announcement, and I’m so thankful and humbled that God finally allowed it to happen! You all just made it that much sweeter.
So, here’s a quick breakdown of the last few months:
November 12, 2011 – We had our embryos transferred and felt like we were already pregnant. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel scared that it wouldn’t work…but from the moment we left the hospital, we never stopped praying for our babies. I would lay on the couch and talk to them all the time, envisioning them as strong, healthy babies. From day one it felt like they were here to stay.
after transfer
November 21, 2011: We both left work a little early and met at home to wait for the call. We waited…and waited…and waited. And finally about 15 minutes after we were supposed to receive the call, we broke down and dialed the clinic. After identifying myself and holding for eternity, the nurse answered the phone with a “congratulations!” We’ve never felt so full of joy. I was considered 4 weeks already:) We drove straight to Baby Gap and bought onesies.
November 24 – 25, 2011: Shared with the family and gave so many thanks.
December 12, 2011:Week 7. All day nausea set in. Sick in the morning…sick at night. I had no appetite at all, and the only things that sounded somewhat edible were things I would usually never consider putting in my body. Sorry babies.
December 22, 2011: Week 8. Went for our 2nd ultrasound and got the biggest surprise of our lives – not 1 but 2 babies! Praise the Lord. We spent the following 2 weeks celebrating Christmas and sharing our 2nd piece of amazing news with our families. Oh, and of course every 10 minutes saying to each other “are we really having twins???”
sadly, we didn’t get any pics when we told mom and dad McCoy
Weeks 9- 13: Sick. sick. sick. But oh, so happy. I literally did almost nothing besides go to work and come home and lay on the couch for over a month. Jon gets major daddy/husband points for keeping the house running and going on wild goose chases to find anything I could eat. Oh, and lots and lots of backrubs. I’ve heard people say that a woman becomes a mom when she gets pregnant, but a man doesn’t become a dad until the baby (ies:) is born. Not true for my husband. In a way, he’s been taking care of these babies for months already!
Week 14: Started to feel a tiny bit better. We decided to make the big announcement on Facebook and the blog. Up until this point, I was so so thankful for the little babies inside me, but I had a really hard time letting go of my fear and just trusting God. For 18 months I had longed to be pregnant, and in my mind I think I had decided that it could never really happen. Every month had brought so much hurt, and it seemed impossible that it could have finally happened. I know that sounds kind of crazy, but the fear of losing them terrified me. When we announced our news to the world, I felt like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. It finally felt real, and I finally started really believing that our babies were going to be okay.
Week 15: Took my first picture of the bump!
Week 16: Bump picture number 2. This was the week I finally started to really feel almost like myself again. The nausea completely subsided, and I even started to feel a little more energetic!
Week 17:
Week 17 was pretty monumental. I worked out for the first time in 3 months! And I felt so good about it. When I started the IVF process, I was told I shouldn’t have physical activity, and since I followed every wives tale from eating pineapple to trying to laugh a lot after transfer….eating more eggs…you name it, stopping my workouts was a no brainer. And of course it just continued from there – I felt too scared of hurting the babies in those paranoid first several weeks of being pregnant, and then I was so sick I could barely talk on the phone much less get off the couch. So finally on Monday of week 17 I pulled out the prenatal bootcamp DVD my mom got me for Christmas and then I went for a long walk on two different days after that. Sad how accomplished I feel about walking around the neighborhood. I finally feel like I’m doing something good for myself and for the twins.
Week 18:
baby a:)
This was the week we found out the gender of our little babies! I was so nervous that they wouldn’t cooperate for the ultrasound and we’d be disappointed…but they were good little babies. Let’s hope that’s a good indication of the months/years to come:) The ultrasound tech started off by just letting us see them while she took pictures to send to our doctor. Then it was baby A’s turn to be examined. It only took a matter of seconds to find out Baby A’s gender – and we were so excited!! We also learned that Baby A will be the first one to come into the world if all goes as planned. Next was Baby B’s turn. This time it took a little longer to figure it out, but in the end both genders were as clear as day! The second best part of this ultrasound was finding exactly where each baby is hanging out in there. Now I have a good idea of where they are, and knowing that plus their genders makes this that much more real. I’ll tell whether we’ll be an all boy house, all girl, or one of each in an upcoming post:)
As soon as the ultrasound was over, I had this devious feeling of wanting to keep everyone in suspense, but I resisted. We went home and called parents, brothers and sisters, grandparents, aunts and uncles and our friends to let them know the exciting news. I loved getting to tell everyone, but by the end of all the excitement, I was exhausted!
Week 19
Week 19 was almost as exciting as the previous week because I felt the babies move for the first time. I’d been willing them to give me a few good hard kicks for a couple of weeks, but so far I’d felt nothing! The first few times I felt them left me excited, but also wondering if it really was them. But after it happened several more times, and I was feeling it on both sides, I realized that yes, it really was our 2 little babies making their presence known! One thing that made me doubtful at first was that it didn’t feel like a flutter like many people said it would. It felt more like a really soft little bump from the inside.
Week 20: and now I’m finally caught up!
Okay, I know I’m going to look back on this and laugh at myself, but I feel like I look huge in this picture! Not sure if it’s the stripes or if I’ve just doubled in size since last week…but either way I think the baby belly looks large and in charge:) This week we had another appointment, but no ultrasound. We did get to hear the heartbeats (which sound like little trains to me by the way) and the doctor checked me and said everything looks perfect! Yay! So far I’ve gained 12 pounds. I wasn’t really sure if that was good or not, but my nurse assured me I’m right on track. What a relief! I’ve also been getting in some really solid 3 mile walks this week, which have felt so good. And we ordered a treadmill, so I see many more walks in my future:)
And now for some randomness from the first trimester (which is obviously a little outdated, but I really wanted to document it somewhere)!
Symptoms (some known and some only I am convinced are because of pregnancy) nausea (of course), earaches, out of control sense of smell, exhaustion,
lots of bathroom trips, congestion, increased pulse (Jon doesn’t buy this one, but it’s for real),
bad taste in my mouth
Food cravings
lime chips, mac and cheese, cheerios, pad thai, orange juice
I realize this post was a complete overload of updates, but the combination of sickness, exhaustion and most recently, pure laziness has inhibited my blogging. I am kicking myself for not being better about documenting the last few months, and now it’s time for a fresh start.
So, look for upcoming posts on our last big trip just the two of us, nursery updates, the gender reveal!, and how my eating has changed since pad thai and cheerios!
Tomorrow might be the first day of life for our first sweet baby.
I am so far beyond excited. And thankful. And I would be lying if I said I’m not scared to death as well.
We are slated to arrive at the hospital at 6:30 tomorrow morning for retrieval. The last few weeks have been such a challenging whirlwind. We’ve given me shots while standing anywhere from the Whole Foods parking lot to a stairwell we snuck into during a Halloween party to the middle of the Colbie Caillat concert. Life has carried on despite the ultrasounds, blood work, pills and needles…but it’s been different. The anticipation of this IVF event has changed the tone of everything the last several weeks. And it’s all come down to the next couple of weeks (no pressure).
I have never prayed harder in my entire life than I have in the last few weeks. I’ve prayed constantly that God would enable my body to do what it’s supposed to do. So far, He has. Everything leading up to now couldn’t have gone better, and I couldn’t feel more confident going into this next phase. Unfortunately that doesn’t make our percentage any higher, but I am so thankful that He has chosen to bring us this far.
I’ve also prayed that God will give me the courage to trust him first and foremost. That whether our little babies survive and have the chance to develop or not, I will trust Him with our future. I will trust that He has a plan, and that plan will be carried out no matter what. This is my biggest request to my Heavenly Father. I believe He is faithful.
So, please pray with us. I’ve got needle marks all over, cramps in my stomach and emotions ranging across the board. But I’ve got so much hope inside. I’ve tried to figure out how to walk the tightrope of being positive, but protecting myself for so many months; this month I stopped trying. I put my heart out there, and I’ve done every thing I could…
For the longest time, Jon and I have felt God urging our hearts toward adopting a baby. For whatever reason the Lord has, this urging has always been in the direction of international adoption, specifically. We are both passionate about travel and other cultures and adopting from another culture seems to fit that. We of course realize that there are babies right here in our own country who are in need, but that doesn’t make the homeless babies in Thailand (for example) any less homeless. Even though we didn’t feel quite ready for a baby at that time, our visit to a Thai orphanage in 2008 watered the seed that God had planted in our hearts, nourishing our desire to bring a baby just like this little girl home one day.
Throughout the course of our journey through infertility, our excitement and longing for adoption has intensified ten-fold. I’ve said so many times that before we would do IVF, we would adopt. It honestly has never made a big difference to me whether our baby would come to us biologically or through adoption. I ache to experience both joys – feeling a baby grow inside me and welcoming a baby from another place into our lives. But the decision is not always that easy. God has blessed us with amazing insurance, which covers such a large portion of infertility treatments. For that reason alone we feel compelled to try for a biological baby first. In addition, the issues I had that were taken care of in my surgery back in May are recurring. So, as time goes on, they are slowly coming back, renewing their curse on my body and lessening my chances of ever conceiving a baby. With this in mind, we decided that if we were ever going to do everything we could to get pregnant, now is the time.
I still long every single day to start the adoption process. When I see a family with an adopted child, my heart aches in the same way it does when I see a pregnant woman or a precious little newborn. I was looking through some old journal entries, written in the past year and a half, and I found this entry, penned in April of this year right before my surgery.
April 4, 2011
Dear little McCoy,
I know I don’t know you yet, little one…but I already love you so much. Your daddy and I have been talking about you for the longest time, and we cannot wait until we get the chance to have you as a part of us.
Here in just a little bit I’m taking the first step to find out how you might come to be. Your mommy doesn’t know if you will come into our family as a tiny newborn that has grown inside me or as a precious baby from another country, but I want you to always know that I pined for you for so long, and I already love you more than there are stars in the sky, regardless of how you come into our life.
I know that God has a plan for you and for your life, and I’m praying for that plan all the time. I think about you every day, and deep inside my heart I long to be able to rock you, play with you, teach you about Jesus and show you the world .
Just the other night, we went to a mexican restaurant in town for dinner. Because it’s the best mexican food in town, there is always a long wait to be seated, so we claimed a bench spot in the already crowded waiting area. As we sat down, I noticed that the family to our right was busy corralling two little girls, who I’m certain were from somewhere in east asia. The mom and dad looked to be about our ages, and they were wearing shirts that indicated they were from our college town. Looking to be about 3 or 4 years old, these little girls were so precious. Probably appearing a little creepy, I couldn’t take my eyes off them the entire time. I was mesmerized by how much my heart ached to have little girls just like them as my own. My eyes began to fill up as I sat there feeling so intensely as if that should be us. Should is a funny word, I know.
Sometimes I want so badly to just quit everything we’re doing now and start our adoption story. I’ve spent a lot of time researching steps of the process, agencies, countries, expected hardships, the financial aspect etc., and I’m so ready to begin something that is going to be a sure thing in the end. This cycle of uncertainty, waiting and heartbreak is just so trying.
That being said, I know that we are very blessed to be given this opportunity and that not everyone is put in a place where they can go to these extreme measures to build their family. Despite my impatience to begin adoption, I still pray every day and thank God for providing us a way to try and get pregnant. I don’t take it lightly, and regardless of what happens, I’ll always be so grateful that we had the chance to pull out all the stops and really go for it.
I wanted to take a moment and write down these thoughts, so down the road I’ll remember exactly where our hearts were during this time. I pray to God that this works and I get the privelege of giving birth to a baby that is half me and half Jon. And regardless of whether that happens or not, I have faith that our dream of bringing a baby home through adoption will come true as well. It just depends on when and how. I can’t wait to see how the Lord decides to build our family.
I’m not even going to begin welcoming myself back and making excuses for the months that I’ve been MIA. It sounds like much more fun to just cut to the chase….bullet point style. There have been many things going on over the last couple of months – some more welcome in my life than others.
We took a mini trip to Dallas and bought new living room furniture! Buying a new couch was way overdue, and we finally just went for it. We got a really great sectional that fits our living room perfectly and seats so many more people plus a dining set. We are loving it them!
I started a new job. Teaching. If you’ve been reading CSM for more than a year, you know that the path I’ve walked with teaching has been rather…bumpy. There have been many highs and lows and unexpected twists…so it should have come as no surprise when yet another crazy change landed in my lap. Backing up a bit…last May I started teaching international students at a language school in our new city. I absolutely loved it. You guys know that international students are where my heart is, and I was seriously thriving. And then I got a text from my best friend and former teaching co-worker. And it changed everything. One day I was just fine, and 24 hours later I was making the decision to quit my job and go back to my old school as a sophomore English II and PreAP English teacher. It was a combination of being flattered, being offered a brand new classroom with great technology and a window, being lured back by my teacher friends and not wanting to say no to the money. I was never completely sure those were great reasons to go back, but for some reason it just seemed right. Now, almost halfway through the fall semester, I can honestly say it was the right decision. I LOVE my kids. I never knew I could enjoy students so incredibly much. To be blunt, I think I just really had a bad batch for my first year of teaching. But this time I’ve been blessed with some really awesome students. It has still been stressful. And I wanted to kill myself over 170 essays last month, but I truly feel like it’s worth it.
We’ve started the IVF process. Obviously, we are still wandering through the injustices of infertility, seeing as how you have yet to see a CSM baby announcement. Last month, after trying multiple other strategies, my doctor recommended that we start this process. We’re a little over 2 weeks in, and honestly, it’s making me crazy. I’m currently on birth control to regulate my body, and later this week I’ll start my first round of injections. I’m not looking forward to it, but I’m just doing my best to stay positive. I’ve been dealing with so many issues and feelings over the last couple of weeks – fear, hope, anxiety, excitement, impatience, thankfulness, anger, hormonal mood swings, constant headaches, numbness – just to name a few. It’s not getting any easier, and I’m not sure it will until this is over and we know the outcome. There’s so much more that could be – needs to be – said on this…but another time.
We took at trip to the state fair! Enough said.
We went to Washington D.C. Last year I tagged along with Jon on his work conference trip to D.C. And I completely fell in love! After accepting my new job, I wasn’t sure I was going to get to go again this year, but we made it happen. It was just as great as I remembered. Because we did so much sightseeing last year, we enjoyed a few less sights and a little more relaxing this year. We added on a couple of extra days to the front of the trip as a sort of vacation…and then I flew solo the other days. It was much needed time away.
it rained almost the entire time, and it was freezing!
I’ve missed blogging. I truly have. In the midst of the emotional highs and lows of the last couple of months, I oftentimes find myself retreating a little bit. I find myself saying that I really just want to crawl into a whole and hide until all this is over, and at times I feel like I have no energy left for relationships or the things I love in life. I know these feelings are only temporary – a result of medication and just a stressful phase of life, but it’s not a good place to be. So, tonight I’m stepping out. For the first time in a while, I’m not allowing myself to be defeated.. Tonight is all I can commit myself to right now. But right now it’s all I need. Tomorrow will be another day.
The husband worked so hard all week to put together the best birthday party ever. It was themed. And there were drinks. And an incredible spread of food.
And of course….the best cupcakes in town.
There was homemade lemonade and non-alcoholic sangria.
And best of all? All the people I love most in the world.
And when everyone was full of tacos and salsa, we played games.
Of course there were gifts (which were perfect), despite the “don’t bring gifts, just a good time” printed at the bottom of the invitation.
One of my favorite students, Blue, and favorite co-workers, Shelly, stopped by to visit.
Earlier in the day, Blue cooked an amazing spread of Arabic food for my family to enjoy. He made everything from some potato pastries (that’s what I call them anyway:) to kabobs, to fruit salad, pudding and cake. It really was incredible. International students are awesome.
Falling three days after my actual birthday, it was such a perfect way to celebrate a whole new year of life.
Last year at this time, I made a list of 27 things that I wanted to accomplish in my 27th year. Some of them I did succeed at, and some of them I didn’t. This year of life showed me that sometimes our best thought out plans are not quite as great as we imagine them to be.
So, it turns out that I didn’t quite get 20 books read, didn’t get our car paid off, have yet to open up a CSM t-shirt shop and definitely wrote a lot less.
Needless to say, aside from our year spent living in Thailand, this has definitely been our craziest year yet. And even though we’ve faced some of the most trying challenges of our lives, we have grown so much. Number one on my list was “fall more in love with my Savior.” I have to be honest and say that for while the opposite was happening. At times my anger and confusion over infertility gave way to questioning and stepping away from God like a small, defiant child.
And while I still have many questions, and I still don’t understand everything I want to understand about God, I’ve come to one conclusion. And that is despite whatever happens in life – whether good or bad – He is there.
For the entire first 26 years of my life, I took what I’d been told about God and I counted it as absolute truth. I never questioned it. I never really thought much about it on my own. And for the first time this year, I’ve questioned God. I’ve doubted Him. And while I wish I could say that my faith has been perfect, I have deepened my relationship with Him far beyond what I imagined before. I’ve come to the realization that I would much rather question Him, than never be challenged enough or think deeply about Him at all.
I can not even begin to imagine what this next year will hold for me. My prayer is that our family of two will become a family of three. We will be able to continue pursuing our dream of launching our own business. I’ll be able to love my job. And we’ll continue building and deepening relationships. But I’m holding onto those things very loosely, with an open fist, keeping in mind that He is in control. And remembering to not count too much on the plans that I lay out for myself.
This weekend, for the fourteenth time, my heart felt as if it was broken into a million tiny pieces.
For the fourteenth time, I found out that once again, I will not become a mom this month.
Over the past several months, things have been pretty quiet around here. I found out the hard way that when something difficult is going on in your life that you’re not quite ready to tell the world about, putting your everyday life out there becomes pretty tough.
A word that used to seem distantly scary…something that only happened to other people…has somehow become a constant in my life. I wake up to it at 5:30am every morning, thermometer in hand, and every night when I go to sleep it’s by my side. It tortures me in the most random moments of my day, reminding me that there’s something not quite right with me and leaving me in it’s dust wondering – am I worthy?
Every month is another identical path: I attempt to walk the fine line between protecting myself from disappointment and staying positive and hopeful until the truth arrives. Then, like the opening of a dam, all the positivity I had built up gives way as sadness, hurt and disappointment wash over me. Back to square one. Let’s do it all over again.
For many months I was so angry. Angry at myself. At God. At the world. But God is changing me. In this fallen world, there is so much sadness, hurt and disappointment, but He walks with us through it all. He calls us to praise him. Whether in the happiest times of our lives or the darkest days, He is there. And He deserves our praise. And I am finally beginning to see His work in my life through this situation. It has taken a long time, and my faith has at times been hanging on by a thread. But He never leaves me.
I’ve come to a place where I can feel the tears soaking the sheets and grieve over what could have been – what I prayed would have been – but in the same breath thank Him that He loves me. And thank Him that He has saved me. Among so many other things.
For a long time I didn’t want to tell anyone about this. I’m not sure why I wanted to keep it private….truly, I don’t have a reason. Maybe I was afraid of what people would think. Maybe it just seemed too personal. But over the last several weeks, I’ve found so many reasons why I want to talk about it here.
First, I need to. I need an outlet for the anxiety, doubt, guilt, fear…all the emotions that I filter through each month. And as always, like a knight on a white horse, writing comes to my rescue. Somehow writing and then stashing it on my hard drive just doesn’t feel the same as putting it out there to be read by real people. Which brings me to reason number two.
Community. I’ve said a million times that this community has been such a blessing to me. When I read a blog post from someone who is dealing with the same things I am, there is a connection that somehow helps ease the pain. It reminds me that I’m not alone. It helps me feel a little less crazy. If I can connect with other people though this and offer to someone else even a small escape from the loneliness, then it’s worth it.
Third…I want people to know my heart. I want to have a child so badly. I feel it as a deep ache all the way into the depths of my heart. Every. Single. Day. But on the outside no one would ever know. I want to be a transparent person. Someone who is open, who people feel as if they really know.
So, here I am.
I’m scared in so many ways. I’m scared of who all is going to read this and what they will think. But I’ve come to the point where this infertility is too much a part of my life, and I find too much joy in sharing my life through this blog to let it keep me away.
ChiaSeedMe is not going to become an infertility blog. While my journey to having a baby is a part of who I am, so are all the things I’ve always loved – healthy living, food, fitness, photography and all the little things in life. I will always write about those things. But I need to write about this too. I understand if some of you are completely uninterested – please feel free to just skip the posts about this topic if you’d like. But I’m ready to include all aspects of my life in this little blog now. And I hope you’ll all stick around.
So here’s to being real. And here’s to fighting every battle in life with an open heart and trust in Him. Seeking out the good in everything that life brings and letting the hurts soak through us, feeling them, and keeping on going.
when we first decided to build our house, we named this song as our theme song for the project. not very good video quality, but it was the best I could find.
A little over five months ago, the husband and I decided to do something a little crazy. Having always been the types for adventure, we rarely take the simple route when it comes to big events in life, whether it be moving overseas for a year, running a marathon together or in this case – moving in with my mom and step-dad for four months and building a house.
But I’m happy to say we have a lot of life and learning tucked under our belts, and even in the midst of the most difficult and trying moments I’m so enthralled by doing life together. The house building process was at the same time one of the most exciting and one of the most stressful projects we’ve tackled to date.
There were so many moments, on those long drives home after work where I just kept throwing out the question of why. Why in the world did we sign up for this? It’s so stressful and difficult. But at the same time there were many feel good moments when we saw the results of our determination come to fruition through even the littlest details – air ducts being installed, the addition of light switch plates, or the little tree in our front yard, however dead it may be:)
I love when I walk around various rooms of our house, and every little piece has a story and a vivid memory.
“…remember when I got on your shoulders in the pitch dark of night and tried to make a big ‘x’ on our dining room ceiling so they’d know where to hang that light?”
or
“…remember the time we celebrated my new job by using our drywall in the middle of the living room as a table for our cupcakes?”
or
“…remember that light that we ordered for our entryway only to realize upon it’s arrival that it was sized more for a hotel foyer than a modest sized house?
Overall it was worth every single decision, every moment commuting between work and my mom’s house, every disagreement and every stressful moment. We’re now able to add one more challenging life experience to our ever growing collection of adventures, and baby it feels SO good to walk in our home at the end of every day and say “we did this together.”
We closed on our 2nd house at 2pm on Friday, June 24th, two days past our expected date, and with the help of several family members (God bless them:), we moved in that night. However cliche it sounds, “good things come to those who wait” rang in my ears as we walked up the sidewalk to our house and the husband swept me up and carried me through the entry.
These days we’re loving all the extra time we have in the evenings, while trying desperately to revive our poor grass that was half dead before it was even laid. The husband has become quite good friends with the sprinkler, and I’m falling more in love with my kitchen every day.
We are so grateful for the opportunity to go through this process and most of all for the blessing of having our own home now. And of course one of the biggest highlights of it all has been getting our little baby dog back. I know she had a great time at my grandpa and grandma’s. They spoiled her rotten, and she loved every minute of it. But we missed her like crazy, and are loving every minute of having her back at home with us.
While she misses watching the cows and chasing squirrels all day long, I think she’s adjusting back to city life quite well. She’s finding her favorite spots inside and having a grand time exploring the neighborhood on our morning walks.
Now that we’re finally getting settled and life is beginning to get into a new routine, we’re ready and waiting for our next adventure.
What is the best adventure you’ve ever been on?
in our guest bedroom on a rainy night less than a week before we closed
Happy Friday!
By the way – while I don’t have very many inside pictures of our house to post right now, I’ll definitely put together a little photo tour once we get unpacked and the house doesn’t look like a tornado anymore. Trust me, you don’t want to see that.
After spending the entire afternoon in the hospital today, it’s 3am and I can’t sleep.
It has been the craziest week and definitely hasn’t gone as I expected. So, I’m trying to sift all the wonderful things that God is trying to teach me out of the mound of uncertainties…and keep on going.
The primary reason (as there are many) behind my elusiveness from the past week is that I had surgery last Friday. Unfortunately, I’m not really ready to share with the world exactly what is going on, but I find it quite hard to write on my little blog while trying to sidestep the most major thing that is going on in my life right now.
So, I had surgery last Friday, and what was supposed to be a 45 minute operation turned into an hour and a half operation…which of course has extended into a seven day recovery rather than a two day recovery. And…being the genius that I am, I promised my new employers that I would begin my new position by substituting for a teacher who is on vacation for the entire week. Oops. Let’s just hope my first impression with them was super strong because otherwise they’re probably wondering what they’ve gotten themselves into. Either way. I actually went into work today for the first time, still feeling a little shaky, but ready to try and jump back out into the real world…only for it to end in disaster. Two hours later and the husband is picking me up on the side of the road and carting me off to the ER where I spent the next four hours in serious pain…and then three more after that just trying to get my bearings back and waiting to get out of there. All in all I’m just happy to be back home in my own bed with no more needles in my arm or awkward male x-ray techs. “I don’t care if you see the back of my hospital gown gape open – just get this x-ray done so I can get back in bed!”
I digress.
So that is that. I went ahead and took off work again today and tomorrow. Even though my first instinct is always to push myself the extra mile, I’m learning that sometimes I just have to listen to what my body is telling me to do. Novel idea, right?
This past week I have eaten very little aside from graham crackers. I don’t really have an appetite at all, and it’s hard to get much down. The poor husband has been subsisting on fast and frozen food, and that alone is really starting to wear on me. So today I shall spend the day mostly in bed, planning some meals before I venture out to our local Country Boy to get a few groceries. I’m praying they have hummus because I’ve slowly started craving it again…but I’m definitely not getting my hopes up! It is Country Boy after all.
In other news, the house is coming along nicely! Yesterday they were staining our concrete and the brick and stone had arrived. Our close date is set for six weeks from yesterday, and we’re still hoping to make it in by then. I’m looking forward to doing a real update soon, once I can get up there to take some pictures.
And of course I still have a long overdue half marathon recap still to come…
I’m so ready to get back into some sense of a normal life. These past 10 weeks have been very trying, but I know there is a purpose in them, and I know we’ll come out better in the end. I just keep thanking the Lord that I have my sweet husband and amazingly supportive family along for the ride.
Awhile back, after being inspired by a fellow blogger, I signed up on a website to receive daily affirmation in the form of email messages. I usually would rather give my right arm than hand over my email address to anyone that wants to send me daily messages, but the encouragement I got from the one posted by my friend was just what I needed to hear that day and I thought it might be a good thing. Since then there have been several days on which the message really hit home for me, and today is another one of those.
So often we find that our individual experiences in life may not have been as beneficial to us as they were for others. Life works in such a way.
We all have our own journey to travel…an individual journey that is meant for us, but we also get to live through things that are not so much about us at all. Sometimes our trials or our blessings or our lessons are meant for the people who we surround, or who surround us. It’s important to remember that people are watching the way you handle things in your life, they are learning so much from you and your strength and your grace and your wisdom. It’s important to remember how much we can help each other along their way because of what we have learned or what we remember.
It helps make sense of things too…when we can recognize our ability to be a miracle in the life of others…in a way that we never could have had we not traveled the path that we each have traveled.
The truth is that each and every one of us has our own crosses to bear. I know that my life is so very blessed – I have my health, my marriage, a wonderful family, a home, an education, and so many other things that a lot of the world doesn’t have. I’m so thankful for it all, and I don’t take it lightly.
But I also have my own cross to bear. And somehow, in the thick of things, knowing how blessed my life is doesn’t make that cross any less heavy…it doesn’t make it hurt any less. I struggle daily with trusting that God has a purpose for this issue in my life and that it is ultimately for good, even though deep down in my heart I do believe it to be true. And I long for the day when that purpose is revealed to me.
I truly want to handle everything that comes in my life with grace, wisdom and strength, but I honestly have never thought about doing so for someone other than myself. As humans we have so much influence over each other – we impact other people in ways we never imagined we would, and I don’t want to let selfishness guide my actions and reactions to events in my life. Even if the only person I influence is my sweet husband, that is worth the world to me. A million times over, it’s worth digging deep, finding a way to respond with peace and faith in the midst of uncertainty.
And for me, it does help make sense of this seemingly purposeless thing that I’m going through – to think the purpose could be greater than myself and the way I handle it could make a difference for someone else. I’m seeing it all from a different angle, and in the moments of deepest questioning and hurt, I feel a bit more grounded by realizing that it’s not all about me.
I really needed to get these thoughts out. A times I worry about sharing some things here, but this blog is an outlet for me. It helps me process, and when I finish writing it’s like parts of me that once felt so heavy seem a bit lighter, and I see more clearly. One of the many reasons I’m so happy to have this space.
To all my fellow bloggers – do you ever get so much built up that you want to write about that you just don’t know how to fit it all in?
I was overflowing with topics already on Friday, and then we had the most crazy unforgettable day, so now I just don’t even know what to do with myself.
As I mentioned on Friday, the day started with my mom coming in to tell me about the disaster in Japan. It didn’t seem worthy of mentioning then, but there was also an earthquake here that morning. It was small as always, and I didn’t even feel it…but it did wake my mom up. That was only the beginning of the craziness here in our new town.
After spending several hours that morning meticulously watching the Japan coverage, I decided to get geared up and head over to my grandparent’s to run on their treadmill. While the temperature outside could have almost been considered warm, the wind was out of control. I’ve run on some windy days, but yesterday it was gusting at over 40mph, and with soreness from yoga still lingering I just didn’t have it in me to fight it for 3.5 miles. I also thought maybe I could feed my addiction to staying current on the Japan situation since my grandma has a tv in front of her treadmill. While I was able to continue watching the coverage, the only “local” channel covering it was in spanish so I relied on the few words I know…and learned a few new as well, ha.
After my run, I gave Olive a quick bath, chatted with my grandma, and then headed back home. Around 1:30 I walked through the living room, noticing that my step-dad had the news on in the living room. At first I thought he was watching Japan as well, but quickly realized that it was something local. I soon learned that some fires had started in town and were burning just about mile from our house.
We had plans to cook dinner with some friends that night, so I started chopping some veggies in the kitchen while keeping one eye on the tv. The fires were only beginning at that point. Throughout the rest of the day, they not only kept spreading, but also news ones were popping up all over town.
I had gone to the city to meet the husband at work around 3:30, but at 4 we decided to head back to the house because the news was saying another fire had started about a mile from our house and was moving in our direction. We raced home, only to find that the main road leading into town was closed down, other cars lining the shoulder waiting to get through and firetrucks in every direction. A thick cloud of black smoke hung low over the horizon, making it appear as if the entire city was on fire. And it nearly was.
With my mom’s dog who was locked up in the house heavy on our minds, we turned and raced north of town, making a big circle around and finally getting through to our house. While helicopters flew low overhead with bags of sand dangling down, we rushed around to set up sprinklers around the house and gather important items in case we had to evacuate.
Thankfully, we never ended up having to evacuate, but much of our little town was burned, and over 30 homes were reduced to nothing but ashes. Sadly we had to cancel our dinner plans, and the rest of the night was spent with everyone a little on edge as we watched fires continue to smolder on the news.
What a tragic day it was all in all. As stressful and unnerving as the whole day was, and as much as the loss of our town weighed on my mind, I still couldn’t stop thinking about how much worse the disaster in Japan was and all the homeless and distraught people thousands of miles away as well.
Sunday morning the husband and I left early for our six mile training run. We ran down toward the area that had been burned the worst, and I could hardly believe it. There were so many houses burned completely to the ground. And we only ran by a small area. Heartbreaking.
On a brighter note, we were able to complete our six miler and we’re on track for our half marathon at the beginning of May. I’m getting so excited. I somehow managed to pause my Garmin on accident, so I don’t know exactly how long it took us, but I don’t really care that much either. Deep down I can’t help but hope for a PR for this race, but I’m going to be happy regardless. Working a total of three jobs, the husband has had a harder time keeping up with training the last few weeks, so he’s struggling a bit more on our long runs. We’ll run it side by side no matter what, though. He pulled me through the last few miles of our marathon two years ago, and if I have to do the same for him this year I will. We run as a team no matter what!
after our first half marathon
Go team McCoy! ha.
Still to come in the next few days if things settle down around here a little bit: another new restaurant we tried on Saturday that was so cool, recaps of my new yoga classes, a few eats from the last several days and a video update on our house (yay!). Ever since Friday, this weekend has been great. I really think my favorite part of it might have been our run this morning – I felt like I could have went on for miles. Either that or going to visit Olive this afternoon. I miss my baby:(
Do you prefer running alone or with a buddy?
I admire anyone who can train for a marathon without a running buddy – that takes some serious mojo.
I was in the kitchen making the husband’s breakfast when my mom came in and told me that there had been an earthquake in Japan. Since turning on CNN soon after, I’ve been glued to the tv.
Watching the images is taking me back to several years ago when reports of the tsunami in Thailand/Indonesia were splashed across newspapers and tv. I still remember it like it was yesterday – sitting in the OKC airport waiting for a flight to see the husband’s family in south Texas – staring in disbelief as I took in the news. Along with the rest of the world, I stayed glued to the tv for the next few days as my heart ached for the people who were affected.
Just three months later I made my first trip to Thailand with hopes that I could help in even the smallest way. Three years after that, I made my second trip to the south of Thailand for more tsunami recovery efforts. It’s hard to believe that three years later these people were still suffering from the devastation.
On Pratong Island in 2005, I remember staring at the loss and pain in the eyes of a man as he told me his story of that awful day. A fisherman by trade, he had gone out to sea early in the morning and had no idea that anything unusual had happened. He arrived home a few hours later to find that the wave had washed over his entire island home, taking his entire family with it. I think of him this morning as the reports of the devastation in Japan flow in, and I pray for the Japanese people.
This wasn’t the post I had planned this morning, but with the events of this morning I just can’t focus on posting about Coconut Lemon bars or yoga.
Let’s just continue thinking about and praying for all the people who have been killed, injured, are still trapped and have lost family members and friends in Japan. Praying that God will bring comfort, safety and peace.
First. Thanks so much to everyone for the sweet comments this past week. They were such a highlight of my week, and I appreciate the support and encouragement from all of you so much. I didn’t get to comment individually, but just know that it touched me so much to read your words. What would I do without my little blogging community?
Second. I have some good news and some bad news.
The good news? I’ve set a new record on CSM!
The bad news? I’ve set a record for the most number of days I’ve ever gone without posting.
This week was a call for a little mini break from the blog – and really from the computer in general, aside from some mandatory Outbox work. I missed everyone so much, and I’m happy to get back into my groove. But first, time to do a little catching up. I believe a situation such as this calls for some bullet points.
Last Saturday doubled as moving day and the husband’s 28th birthday. My family + MIL came up to help, and we packed, loaded onto a giant truck, drove to my hometown, unloaded the giant truck and drove back to our house that night. We are so thankful for everyone who gave up their day to come help – it made the process so much easier and faster!
Even though it broke my heart, I resorted to ordering a cookie cake from the grocery store. I was set on making his cake myself, but on Friday when I looked around and my kitchen was all packed up except for the Vitamix, I realized it wasn’t going to happen. The Vitamix can do a lot of things, but…
We spent the rest of the weekend sleeping on an air mattress in our empty house because we had to close on Monday. It was kind of like one big long slumber party…I kind of liked it:)
I had one big find during the whole moving process – my Nike running pants! I bought these back when we were training for our marathon a couple of years ago, and wore them every chance I got. Then they disappeared. I searched high and low…but apparently not low enough because when our dresser was being moved out I spotted them hanging from the bottom drawer. I was ecstatic!
On Sunday we went to our Sunday school class for the last time *tear and then spent the afternoon napping, working and cleaning. We had agreed to have dinner with some friends that night, but when we got to the restaurant realized they had planned a going away dinner with all of our sweet friends. We were so excited!
Monday morning we got up early and finished cleaning the house before the husband headed up to his old office for a bit and I did a bit of work at the coffee shop before heading to closing. Closing on our first sold house went great – seamless aside from a bit of sadness at handing over the keys:(
After closing the husband and I met up at our favorite little downtown cafe – Cafe Bella. We have so many memories there, and it was an appropriate choice for our last meal in Stillwater.
I went all out with a falafel pita, jalapeno chips and an IBC.
Late Monday afternoon I headed over to my grandparent’s house to drop off Olive. I spent a couple of hours there with her, visiting with my grandpa and grandma while Olive checked things out and made herself comfortable. As expected it was difficult leaving her, and it has been difficult each night this week going to visit her and then having to leave her again every time. It’s probably a lot harder on us than it is on her, though. My grandparent’s are showing her a good time – loving on her, brushing her, taking her for drives and walks, and letting her sit and watch the cows out the window. I just hope she doesn’t start loving them more than us!
btw – that’s not a cow, it’s my grandma’s dog, Maggie. You can’t see the cows in this picture.
Olive and the husband – happy to see each other one night this week when we went to visit
Between working, commuting and going to see Olive in the evenings, we have been so crazy busy. I’ve driven up to the city to see Jonathan as many days as I can, and we’ve enjoyed spending time there…trying to pretend that we’re already moved and settling into our new life. One day for lunch, we tried a fun new restaurant that is only a mile or so from where our new house is being built called Cool Greens. They specialize in build your own wraps, salads and flatbread pizzas…and most meals come with a serving of couscous on the side. I’m in love. There aren’t many restaurants like this in Oklahoma, so humor me for being so excited:)
We drive by our house whenever we can, which ends up being about once a week. It can begin to drive you mad after so many times of driving by, hoping to see some progress. This is a picture I took last Tuesday – the lot has been cleared, but no foundation poured yet!
Our first weekend after officially being moved we spent in the husband’s hometown with mom and dad McCoy. You’d have thought it was Christmas eve with how excited we were to pick up Olive and head out of town on Friday night. A whole weekend with our baby, hanging out and relaxing with MIL and FIL and getting some much needed rest was almost too good to be true. We spent lots of time cuddling (with Olive and with each other:) and I even finished a book I started last summer. Felt like a major accomplishment!
I’ve applied at several jobs around the city, but for now I’m going to try and make a little money substitute teaching while I figure out what I want to do. I have to be honest – I’m not that excited about subbing. But I also don’t want to rush into a job. I want to take my time and decide what I want to do with this new start I’ve been given. Even though I didn’t really ask for it, and I technically would have chosen to keep my old job…a new start can’t be a bad thing, can it? I’m going to try and make the most of it, remembering that there’s a reason for everything.
So that’s pretty much it from my week-long hiatus. I thought about all of you everyday, and I missed connecting – but all the changes made for sort of a tough transition and I really just needed some time to sort through things, keep up as much of a routine as possible and support the husband. The adjustment process is still in full force, but I’m ready to start incorporating as much of our normal life as possible. This blog is such an integral part of my life, and I realized that more than ever this week. I’m so happy to be back!!
I hope you all had a great week and are enjoying warmer weather if you have it. We’re almost to Spring, and it can’t get here soon enough!
Last thing – as I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, I’ve agreed to do another product review for CSN stores. I’m so torn between reviewing a dehydrator and a small food processor. I can process some things in the Vitamix, but others are just so much easier in a food processor. I’ve been wanting one for awhile now. However, I’ve also wanted a dehydrator for a long time and clearly there is so much I could do with one! I’m a little bit worried about having space for the dehydrator while sharing a kitchen with my mom, but I’m sure it could be figured it. So, I need your help. Food processor or dehydrator???
Happy late Valentine’s Day to all my lovely readers! I took Sunday and yesterday off from the internet to love on the husband and pack. In that order.
But today I’m back at it…and I’ve got lots to catch up on.
On Saturday we met the husband’s parents in the city to show them our lot and take them through a house that has our floor plan. I don’t think I’d ever get tired of driving over to see our little piece of land, although if signs of an actual house don’t start to appear soon I may change my tune. Ha. We should be breaking ground any day now, though, so it won’t be long!
Also on Saturday, we stopped by Jonathan’s new office to check it out. Got to enjoy a pretty sunset while we were at it!
The husband surprised me with Valentine’s Day plans on Sunday. Our weekdays are just impossible now between Jon commuting to the city and back and working two extra jobs in the evening. Add on packing and we basically have no life outside of it all.
So our little celebratory day started off at a quaint little coffee shop in downtown where we shared some dessert and sipped on dark French press coffee. We enjoyed the atmosphere almost as much as the food, lounging back on a modern couch with the sun streaming in the windows. Love coffee shops. And good conversation.
Afterwards, we set out in the Mini to explore around town a little bit – what we do best. With the weather a nice 70 degrees, we cruised around with the sunroof down, admiring big old houses and taking pictures of color schemes that called out to us. We drove and drove and drove. A perfect sunny afternoon, just the two of us. And of course, before it was all over we ended up sitting in front of our lot daydreaming.
Jonathan had made reservations for us for dinner, so after a few hours had passed and our hunger had returned, we headed to the restaurant. It had a modern and somewhat eclectic décor that made us smile the minute we walked in.
We started off with the vegan nachos – cashew cheese (first time for this!), black beans and roasted veggies. I’ve been wanting to try cashew cheese for ages, and it was just as tasty as I expected. I got so excited about the vegan items on the menu as it’s a rarity here in OK. So nice to just order something and not have to make a million changes and then be disappointed when it comes out wrong.
We then moved on to the main course – chicken sandwich for him and veggie burger with sweet potato fries for m.e This was my first time to have sweet potato fries at a restaurant, and I was stoked. They were so delicious, and the veggie burger did not disappoint.
While dessert looked very tempting, we were quite full already so we passed on ordering anything. But it wasn’t just a few minutes and out came our server with a bowl full of cotton candy.
sorry – kind of creepy
One of the most random things I’ve ever seen in a restaurant – so unexpected as it didn’t really match the feel of everything else. But also so fun! I love little randomocities like that. I don’t even like cotton candy, but it was really fun to look at and play with. And I didn’t take a few courtesy bites, so our server wouldn’t think us to be too high maintenance. Sadly, my camera battery died right in the middle of dinner, so the rest of the night I had to use the iPhone.
By the time we chatted over the cotton candy for another half hour or so, we decided to head out. There was still one last place on the list for the night.
One of the coolest places in OKC, at least for a health foodie. I’ve wanted to go there for so long, but somehow had never made it. 105 Degrees is a raw restaurant, shop, juice/smoothie bar and raw culinary academy all in one. It has a great, quirky modern vibe, and the service and food were excellent.
We sat at the bar and ordered dessert – one green smoothie and one green juice, yes please!
the Thai Green – mango, lime, young coconut, Thai chili, lemon grass, spirulina
Best green smoothie and juice I’ve ever had, hands down. I don’t know how they did it, but it was divine. We hung around, chatting with the bar tender for quite awhile and exploring the little shop there before deciding to head back home.
I’ll be so happy the day that we don’t have to drive an hour to get back home from the city. It was well worth it, though. A great night to celebrate our fifth Valentine’s Day as husband and wife – couldn’t have been better. I know a lot of people think Valentine’s Day is silly and too hyped up, and I somewhat agree. But there’s no way I can complain about an entire afternoon and evening being set aside for just us. No distractions, no talk about work (well, almost)…just sweet time hanging out.
What was your Valentine’s like? Did you celebrate? What was the best part of your weekend?
This week I’ll be back to talk about some of the raw/mostly raw meals I’ve been enjoying (thanks, Kris Carr) and how I’m feeling as a result!
One hot August day in 2002 the husband and I met on a volleyball court about one mile from where I sit right now.
And now, 9 years later we’re leaving our little college town to pursue new things in a new city.
And we’re really excited about it!
It all started back in October when Jonathan was approached with an offer for a job in Oklahoma City. For the next three months we weighed the options, struggling to come to a final decision. And then with the new year, everything suddenly became a lot more clear.
We took some time to really think about what our ultimate goal really is for the future. I know I’ve talked about Outbox from time to time, but Outbox really is where we want our future to be. Our plan is to hopefully launch our business full time in the next 3-5 years, and we feel confident that Oklahoma City is a much better place to do that than where we currently live – one reason being that it’s much bigger. In addition to that, it is closer to both of our families, which we are really excited about.
Part of what made the decision so difficult is that we really do love our little college town, and we’ve become so connected here and formed so many relationships. Also, the husband has loved his job for the past five years, and as you know I love what I do as well. It’s really hard to leave a place that you love and that holds so many memories. But after about a million conversations of hashing out all the pros and cons, we realized that we can’t just keep holding onto the past because it’s what we know and love. We believe that sometimes we must leave behind something great in order to achieve something even better.
So, upon arriving home after being gone for the holidays, we finally felt confident in our decision and ready to move forward. Around the second week in January, the husband gave the final word at his current job, and so began the craziness of the last several weeks.
Fast forward to one week ago today. We met with our realtor to talk about what needed to be done to our house to get it in shape to sell, and then two days later the sign went up!
The first time I pulled up to our house and saw that sign I cried.
Then I started cleaning.
And it was a good thing I started cleaning because less than twelve hours later we got a call that someone wanted to see it! So, not only were we babysitting little Jinsol last Saturday, but we were also running around like mad getting our house as clean and as organized as possible in a four hour time span.
Less than 24 hours later, we got our first offer. Our house had been on the market for 48 hours. I just about died. Turning to the husband I said “I don’t think I’m ready for this” and he pulled me to him, nodding in agreement. We went through about 4 hours of negotiations, signing back and forth four times. And then at 8:30 pm Sunday night we had just started grocery shopping when my phone rang. It was our realtor – “we have a deal” she announced.
And again, right there in the middle of the frozen foods section the husband pulled me to him, and we hugged in disbelief.
I honestly still cannot believe we’ve sold our house. If you had asked me last September where we’d be in six months, there’s no way I would have said anywhere other than right here in our little house. It’s still beyond surreal, and even though we’re excited we’re in complete shock!
It has been a hard last few days for me. I’ve loved having a handful of jobs – it keeps things exciting and fresh! But it’s not fun when you have to quit five times, and every time is just as hard as the time before. I’ve now told all of my tutoring students except one and yesterday I stopped by and told the manager of the gym where I teach yoga. Sad times.
But I’m pushing through the sadness of it all, and trying to focus on the future. We think this will be a great move for us, and I’m really excited for what’s ahead! We close on our house February 28th, and we’re still looking at options of where to go next. We are highly considering building a house this time around, and we’ve found a neighborhood we love and even a specific lot that we’re excited about. If we move forward with it, our house would be completed around mid-June, so it’s just a matter of figuring out where to go between now and then.
I know one thing for sure – life is only going to get more crazy in the coming months! While I don’t admit it, the husband can vouch for the fact that his wife loves a little spontaneity and excitement. I hope you’ll continue to follow along in the coming months with me. I honestly don’t know what they’re going to bring – but I’m trusting that God’s plan is the best plan and we are going to make the very most of it!
Have you moved a lot in your life? Where’s your favorite place you’ve ever lived?
Yesterday I mentioned that today would be a very special day in the life of my little blog.
One year ago today, I sat down and wrote my very first post on ChiaSeedMe.
I was beginning my second semester as a first year high school English teacher, commuting two hours every day, and in desperate need of something besides work in my life. CSM provided that for me; it quickly became the highlight of my days. With every post I fell more in love with food, writing and photography. Now I can’t imagine my life without this little space.
One of the questions I’m asked most often about my blog is “why ChiaSeedMe?”
When I started this blog, I had been eating chia seeds for quite some time, and I loved so many things about them. What’s not to love? They are high in protein, high in omega 3’s and omega 6’s, help balance blood sugar, help keep you full longer, high in iron and so much more. But chia seeds themselves aren’t the only reason why I chose the name.
I also chose it because of what chia seeds represent for me. They’re tiny little seeds, hardly bigger than the tip of a pencil, but they pack a serious punch. I try to focus my life around the little things that make a big difference, and the words I write here and photos I snap every day have brought to light all the little things in my life that make it what it is. The way the light filters through the trees in our backyard just at the onset of evening, the way I can see the husband just perfectly through the space between our living room and office, and the softness of our down comforter when I pull it up over my shoulders each night – these little things bring me such joy and are a constant reminder of just how blessed I am to be living this life.
This blog has never been just about what I eat for dinner each night or which workout I choose each morning, although I do love writing about those things. It’s about this all encompassing idea that this life we live really isn’t just about what we do each day. It’s about really feeling our experiences. It’s about seemingly unimportant moments that make a big impact by bringing a smile, focusing on the good, working through the bad and coming out better at the other end. Moments that embed themselves in the very fabric of our minds and change us forever, one little thing at a time and sometimes without us even realizing it. I believe these tiny little things matter more than we even understand.
And along the journey of this past year, I’ve gained one of the greatest things I could imagine. Friendships with other people who not only have the same interests in life, but who are so thoughtful, caring and supportive. Who reach out with comfort when I’ve quit my job and I’m feeling doubtful or help me decide whether to keep my hair short or grow it long. And in the midst of it all, I can hardly believe how blessed and thankful I am.
So, thank you for coming alongside me this year. Thank you for reading. Without you all, my small corner of the internet would be awfully lonely…serving only as a space to bounce my thoughts into the air and watch them as they fade in the distance. You are the glue that holds this little blog together. You give it energy and life, and it truly wouldn’t be the same without you.
As a small way to show you just how thankful I am and to celebrate the first birthday of CSM – there is only one thing I can see fit to do.
Let’s give away some chia seeds!
Monterrey Bay Spice Company is a great source for not only chia seeds, but herbs, spices and teas as well. They have been a great sponsor for ChiaSeedMe me throughout this year, and have kindly offered to send two readers each a bag of my favorite little seeds. All you have to do is leave a comment on this post by midnight on Sunday, January 15th to enter! You can say anything you want…just make yourself known:)
In addition to that, I personally want to do something for you guys as well. I will choose one more winner from the comments on this post, and you’ll receive a little care package of some of my favorite “little things.” I’m not telling what will be in it, but I promise it will bring a smile to your face!
Because it’s the little things that matter most.
**Unfortunately, the contest is open to U.S. residents only. International readers – I don’t love you any less!
**I will choose a winner using random.org.
2. Ghiradelli square – free chocolate! 3. our little Go Car we toured in on our last day 4. quaint little Haight coffee shop
