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hospital day 7

I don’t have a super exciting update today…I had to have the Breathine shot a couple of different times last night because of contractions, but it’s kind of becoming old hat I guess.   I did let the nurse give me a sleeping pill last night, which I refused the first night I was on the Breathine shot.  And it did help tremendously.  It’s so ironic to me that I spent the first 30 weeks of my pregnancy fighting through terrible headaches etc. because I didn’t want to put any kind of medication in my body…and now look at me.  All hell has broken loose it seems, and I’m taking about 18 pills a day (exaggeration).  I guess when it comes down to it, I realize I just have to do what I have to do.

There is really absolutely nothing about this experience (as of the last couple of weeks anyway) that has matched up to what I envisioned for us.  Even though I knew bedrest was a real possibility with twins, I just kind of naively thought that my body would be able to handle it just fine.  I’d tell people all the time that I had a feeling I’d go to 40 weeks.  ha!  I also allowed myself to think positively and assume the babies would be in positions that would not require me to have a c-sections, but alas, they are both breech and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.  I’ve had a lot of trouble letting go of my dream and how I envisioned everything to be…and I’m still having trouble letting go of it.  But I’m trying.  I obviously know that the only thing that matters is that our babies get here safely and are healthy and get all the help they need to be well.  That is definitely my top priority.

But the thought of having to finish up my c-section surgery/recovery while they’re being whisked away to the NICU is almost more than I can bear.  I don’t know how long it will really be before I’ll get to get up and go see them – I’ve heard anywhere from an hour and a half to 24 hours (!).  Last night when the nurse offhandedly said 24 hours, I waited until she left before completely losing it.  Granted I’m probably a little extra emotional right now too, but I just want to have my babies with me.  I’ve been in this bed so long, and the thought of having to continue to lay in it knowing they’re down the hall tears me apart.  The nurse sweetly assured me that the husband could go down and take pictures and bring them back to me…and I’m not going to lie I kind of wanted to throw something at her.  Pictures?  Seriously?

As I referenced in a post a couple of weeks ago, I definitely feel like I’m being taught lessons in letting go of control of things.  The sad truth is that what is going to happen with the birth of our babies is going to happen, and there’s really not a single thing I can do at this point.  I think mothers in general have more choices when having a traditional delivery, but I am definitely at the mercy of my doctor in this situation. It doesn’t really matter anymore what I wanted or what I think is best…all that matters is him doing whatever he can to bring our babies into the world in the best way possible.  Luckily I trust my doctor with my life…but it doesn’t make letting go any easier.

Thankfully, though, while their mama is having a bit of a rough time, our sweet babies are doing just fine.  Our ultrasound yesterday showed that baby boy is apparently stealing all the good hospital food from baby girl because there has suddenly become quite a discrepancy between their weights.  My doctor ordered a second ultrasound to check some things and make sure she’s still healthy and doing fine, despite her weight different, and ironically she passed with flying colors and he missed a couple of points, haha.  So, it looks like despite her small size, she’s going to be a fighter and give her brother a run for his money.  Way to go baby girl!

In the meantime I’m just focusing on one day at a time.  I know it won’t be long and this will all look like a small blip in our life, and I cannot wait for that.  I guess when things get though, it makes the end just that much sweeter.  And I can definitely say the thought of seeing our babies faces for the first time and then getting to take them home (even if it’s weeks later) sounds like a surreal dream that can’t possible every come true because it’s just too good.  So, I will think on that.

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hospital day 5

Written on Thursday ~

Well, today is day 5 in the hospital, and I’m still pregnant, so that’s reason to celebrate for sure!  I’m wanting to keep updating every day, but it’s proving to be a challenge.  When this is all said and done, I want to be able to remember what happened each step of the way, so updates may get a little tedious.  Also, they’re wanting me to stay laying on my side as much as possible, which makes typing a bit difficult, but I’m working with what I’ve got.  Things are definitely getting interesting around here:)

On Tuesday morning they reduced my dosage of magnesium which was great, and I started feeling almost like a new person.  Unfortunately, sometime Tuesday evening my contractions started back up again.  I almost fell out of the hospital bed when the nurse told me that my doctor wanted to raise my dosage back up higher than what it had even been before.  I honestly couldn’t imagine what that was going to do to me, and I was pretty nervous.

My mom and sister had come up that afternoon and washed my hair for me (yay!) which was quite the process for sure.  Anyone who knows me knows that I’m pretty high maintenance about being clean and having my hair clean, so this whole “can’t get out of bed thing” is proving to be a challenge.  Praise the Lord for sweet nurses, husbands, sisters and moms who are here to help a girl out:)

Also on Monday afternoon, I had two other visitors – one was the girl who I ended up buying my newborn sized cloth diapers from, and the other was our Sunday school teacher’s wife who came bearing cheesecake!  Needless to say it was an epic afternoon.  Maybe a little too epic?  I don’t know if all the excitement might have contributed to the contractions starting back up again, but I’m being a lot more careful now.

So, back to Tuesday night.  They decided to up my dosage exponentially.  Jon and I spent the evening watching the Thunder game as the magnesium slowly made its way through the IV line and back into my body.  Tuesday night was pretty rough obviously as I was delirious and the nurse was coming in every hour to check on me.  Sleep was definitely not even a consideration for Jon or I.  But the good news – the contractions subsided again.  By Wednesday morning, my doctor decided to dial the magnesium down to a more normal level again.  It’s funny because when I’m on a normal level, I tend to forget I’m on it at all because it’s such an improvement from the heightened dosage.  So, yesterday I was on a pretty normal level and I didn’t have any contractions, and now today he’s dialing it down even more as he’s trying to wean me off.  He checked in with me early this morning and just said he’s going to let me go off of it and we’ll see what happens, but I may have to go back on.

So at this point it’s literally just a waiting game.  We’re praying I can stay off the magnesium (he’s putting me on a milder pill instead) and not have any contractions.  I’m trying to stay laying down and limit social interaction as much as possible.  I definitely have moments where I feel like I’m going to go crazy, but I just keep thinking about how bad I want our baby boy and girl to stay inside me.  Their heartbeats are a constant background noise in our hospital room and serve as a super motivating reminder of why I’m here.

Honestly, deep down I’m scared about what’s to come.  I’m scared about the unknown.  Mostly I’m scared about our babies coming early and having problems that I can’t fix for them.  But I’m really trying to focus as much as possible on what I have to be thankful for.  It sounds cliche, but I am so so thankful to have these two little babies inside me just waiting to come out.  I feel confident that one way or another they’re going to be okay, and that’s what’s keeping me going.  I’m praying constantly that God will help them grow and develop as fast as possible, but most of all that He will be glorified through all of this.  I know He has a plan for the each of our little ones, and this is just the beginning.  It’s hard to trust that this scary and difficult time is a part of that plan, but I know it is.

Thank you all for the sweet words of encouragement and prayers.  We are definitely feeling them as we go through this day by day, and we feel so blessed.

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week 31

It is so hard for me to believe I am at 31 weeks!  I can definitely say that pregnancy has been the fastest time of my life.  I know all you moms out there are probably saying “just wait.”  It’s just crazy because it seems like just last week we got the call of “congratulations”

Not only does today mark 31 weeks, but it also is the end of my first week of bedrest.  I know I don’t look very bedresty in these pictures (meaning the makeup and jewelry…oh and the standing up:).  My doctor approved me to go to my last baby shower, so I got to get out and about yesterday!  It was such a sweet shower at Jonathan’s work…more to come on it later.

Stats about week 31:
Total weight gain so far: exactly 30 lbs. since starting IVF.  The topic of gaining weight could be another post in itself, but right now I’m feeling pretty good about 30 lbs.  I figure it would be ideal to put on another 10 or so before the babies come, but we’ll see.  My doctor is always happy, so I guess I’m happy!

What I’m wearing these days: mostly skirts and Gap pure body t’s when we have company.  Yoga pants/shorts and a t-shirt otherwise.   I’ve stopped buying any maternity clothes, and now I’m trying to get a few things to feel good in once the babies get here.  Skirts with foldover/elastic waist bands, a few nursing camis, shirts that can be pulled down/to the side in the front.

Stretch marks? So far none, and I am keeping my fingers crossed.  I have always assumed I would get stretch marks, especially once I found out it was twins.  But so far so good.  Although I totally realize I could still have 6 or 7 weeks left, so the idea that I won’t get any might be unrealistic.  A girl can hope, though.

Sleep? Sleep is definitely going downhill because of more and more bathroom trips during the night.  I’ve been getting up pretty much every two hours.  I don’t really mind having to get up to go to the bathroom…but what really annoys me is when I can’t fall back asleep.  Although now that I’m on bedrest, I have plenty of time to catch up during the day, so it’s not that big of a deal.  I really do feel like I’m just preparing my body to be up throughout the night for feedings…and I’m totally fine with that!

Signs of Labor:  nope!  The doctor keeps asking me expectantly if I’m having any contractions (Braxton Hicks or otherwise), and I just keep saying no.  Given the issue of my shortening cervix and whatnot, I’m a bit surprised and super thankful that I’m not having contractions yet.  Let’s keep it that way, body!  I do sometimes wonder if I could be having them and I’m just not recognizing what they are…since I don’t know what they feel like and all.  But I know that’s probably really silly.

Symptoms:  Lots of round ligament and other pains.  Moving hurts.  That’s all.  I’m so happy that my swelling has gone away since being on bedrest though!  Unfortunately I never got a picture of how swollen my legs, ankles and feet were, but take my word for it…they were bad.  I couldn’t even recognize them any more.  Now they are completely back to normal, and I am eating it up!  I’m pretty sure Jon is sick of me admiring myself and talking about how nice it is to have my old legs back.  The best part has been getting to wear fun summer shoes the few times I have left the house.  The last week of school I was down to one lonely pair of flip flops that would actually go on my feet.  I even painted my own toenails this past week…which was an epic event.  I still can’t quite believe I was able to do it…pretty impressive methinks.  Oh, and a couple of symptoms I’m kind of (read: extremely) embarrassed to mention – constipation and hemorrhoids.  There, I said it.  Super awkward, but my reality right now.  I’m kind of bitter that not one person ever told me about the possibility of these two things.  They are like a force of evil, working together to  take over my life I think.
Baby items still left to buy:  the rest of our cloth diapers, cloth diaper approved diaper rash ointment (just in case!), Ergo carrier for the husband, one Boppy pillow (not an absolute necessity), cloth wipes/wipes holder and a couple of pack n’ play sheets (they’ll be sleeping in our room for a couple of weeks).   There are of course other things I’d really like to get before they come, but these are the things I feel like we really have to get.

Today my sweet mom is coming up to clean our house, help me start washing the babies’ clothes and organizing them, and she’s going to cook me a quinoa dish…I’m pretty excited.  The only thing that could make it better is if I could get up and help!  I guess you can’t win ‘em all though.  I’m so so thankful to have family around that has done so much for us.

Yay for week 31!  Stay in there and keep growing, babies!

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babies shower

Jon and I are in awe of how many people are already loving our little babies.  We’ve had three showers already, and each and every one was so unique and special…planned just to celebrate baby boy and baby girl.

Our first one was in my hometown the Saturday before last, and my sister, aunt, mom and cousin worked so hard to make it special.  It had a summery vintage theme complete with an old school chalkboard, lemonade, sweet tea and cupcakes!  Everyone from family to my mom’s friends from work came out.

My sister played emcee, bringing much comedy to the day.  And Jon totally dominated with all his baby knowledge – from how many diapers we’ll use in a day to how many he’ll actually change:)  He is going to be such a good daddy.  I can’t wait:)

My mom made us these precious scrapbooks.  If you know me, you know that I love stuff like this.  It means so much because she put in so much time to make them.  They have pages for all the major events in the babies’ lives – like their first Sunday to go to church, their first trip to our lake cabin, their first jog and a travel page where we can put pictures of all the new places we’ll show them.  Olive even got her very own page.

I think the babies already have more clothes than I do…definitely more than their daddy.  The amount of gifts our sweet guests brought was completely overwhelming.   It is unreal to me how generous our friends and family are.  The twins are two blessed little babies for sure.

What a joyful day.  It seemed so surreal that we were actually having a baby shower.  For our own babies.  I never thought the day would come.  I still have to remind myself that all this is real, and days like this one make it all the more unbelievable.

After the shower we got to hang around my mom and step dad’s house for a few hours, cook hamburgers outside and just spend time together.  One of my all time favorite days:)

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Week 20: update post

Thanks so much for all the sweet congrats on my last post.  I’ve waited what seems like a lifetime to make that announcement, and I’m so thankful and humbled that God finally allowed it to happen!  You all just made it that much sweeter.

So, here’s a quick breakdown of the last few months:

November 12, 2011 – We had our embryos transferred and felt like we were already pregnant.  I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel scared that it wouldn’t work…but from the moment we left the hospital, we never stopped praying for our babies.  I would lay on the couch and talk to them all the time, envisioning them as strong, healthy babies.  From day one it felt like they were here to stay.

after transfer


November 21, 2011:
We both left work a little early and met at home to wait for the call.  We waited…and waited…and waited.  And finally about 15 minutes after we were supposed to receive the call, we broke down and dialed the clinic.  After identifying myself and holding for eternity, the nurse answered the phone with a “congratulations!”  We’ve never felt so full of joy.  I was considered 4 weeks already:)  We drove straight to Baby Gap and bought onesies.

November 24 – 25, 2011: Shared with the family and gave so many thanks.

December 12, 2011: Week 7. All day nausea set in.  Sick in the morning…sick at night.  I had no appetite at all, and the only things that sounded somewhat edible were things I would usually never consider putting in my body.  Sorry babies.

December 22, 2011Week 8.  Went for our 2nd ultrasound and got the biggest surprise of our lives – not 1 but 2 babies! Praise the Lord.  We spent the following 2 weeks celebrating Christmas and sharing our 2nd piece of amazing news with our families. Oh, and of course every 10 minutes saying to each other “are we really having twins???”

sadly, we didn’t get any pics when we told mom and dad McCoy

Weeks 9- 13: Sick. sick. sick.  But oh, so happy.  I literally did almost nothing besides go to work and come home and lay on the couch for over a month.  Jon gets major daddy/husband points for keeping the house running and going on wild goose chases to find anything I could eat.  Oh, and lots and lots of backrubs.  I’ve heard people say that a woman becomes a mom when she gets pregnant, but a man doesn’t become a dad until the baby (ies:) is born.  Not true for my husband.  In a way, he’s been taking care of these babies for months already!

Week 14: Started to feel a tiny bit better.  We decided to make the big announcement on Facebook and the blog.  Up until this point, I was so so thankful for the little babies inside me, but I had a really hard time letting go of my fear and just trusting God.  For 18 months I had longed to be pregnant, and in my mind I think I had decided that it could never really happen.  Every month had brought so much hurt, and it seemed impossible that it could have finally happened. I know that sounds kind of crazy, but the fear of losing them terrified me.  When we announced our news to the world, I felt like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders.  It finally felt real, and I finally started really believing that our babies were going to be okay.

Week 15: Took my first picture of the bump!

Week 16: Bump picture number 2.  This was the week I finally started to really feel almost like myself again.  The nausea completely subsided, and I even started to feel a little more energetic!

Week 17:

Week 17 was pretty monumental.  I worked out for the first time in 3 months!   And I felt so good about it. When I started the IVF process, I was told I shouldn’t have physical activity, and since I followed every wives tale from eating pineapple  to trying to laugh a lot after transfer….eating more eggs…you name it, stopping my workouts was a no brainer.  And of course it just continued from there – I felt too scared of hurting the babies in those paranoid first several weeks of being pregnant, and then I was so sick I could barely talk on the phone much less get off the couch.  So finally on Monday of week 17 I pulled out the prenatal bootcamp DVD my mom got me for Christmas and then I went for a long walk on two different days after that.  Sad how accomplished I feel about walking around the neighborhood.  I finally feel like I’m doing something good for myself and for the twins.

Week 18:

baby a:)

This was the week we found out the gender of our little babies!  I was so nervous that they wouldn’t cooperate for the ultrasound and we’d be disappointed…but they were good little babies.  Let’s hope that’s a good indication of the months/years to come:)  The ultrasound tech started off by just letting us see them while she took pictures to send to our doctor.  Then it was baby A’s turn to be examined.  It only took a matter of seconds to find out Baby A’s gender – and we were so excited!!  We also learned that Baby A will be the first one to come into the world if all goes as planned.  Next was Baby B’s turn.  This time it took a little longer to figure it out, but in the end both genders were as clear as day!  The second best part of this ultrasound was finding exactly where each baby is hanging out in there.  Now I have a good idea of where they are, and knowing that plus their genders makes this that much more real.  I’ll tell whether we’ll be an all boy house, all girl, or one of each in an upcoming post:)

As soon as the ultrasound was over, I had this devious feeling of wanting to keep everyone in suspense, but I resisted.  We went home and called parents, brothers and sisters, grandparents, aunts and uncles and our friends to let them know the exciting news.  I loved getting to tell everyone, but by the end of all the excitement, I was exhausted!

Week 19

Week 19 was almost as exciting as the previous week because I felt the babies move for the first time.  I’d been willing them to give me a few good hard kicks for a couple of weeks, but so far I’d felt nothing!  The first few times I felt them left me excited, but also wondering if it really was them.  But after it happened several more times, and I was feeling it on both sides, I realized that yes, it really was our 2 little babies making their presence known!  One thing that made me doubtful at first was that it didn’t feel like a flutter like many people said it would.  It felt more like a really soft little bump from the inside.

Week 20:  and now I’m finally caught up!

Okay, I know I’m going to look back on this and laugh at myself, but I feel like I look huge in this picture!  Not sure if it’s the stripes or if I’ve just doubled in size since last week…but either way I think the baby belly looks large and in charge:)  This week we had another appointment, but no ultrasound.  We did get to hear the heartbeats (which sound like little trains to me by the way) and the doctor checked me and said everything looks perfect!  Yay!  So far I’ve gained 12 pounds.  I wasn’t really sure if that was good or not, but my nurse assured me I’m right on track.  What a relief!  I’ve also been getting in some really solid 3 mile walks this week, which have felt so good.  And we ordered a treadmill, so I see many more walks in my future:)

And now for some randomness from the first trimester (which is obviously a little outdated, but I really wanted to document it somewhere)!

Symptoms (some known and some only I am convinced are because of pregnancy)
nausea (of course), earaches, out of control sense of smell, exhaustion,
lots of bathroom trips, congestion, increased pulse (Jon doesn’t buy this one, but it’s for real),
bad taste in my mouth

Food aversions
pizza, vegetables, mexican food, chips and salsa, diet coke

Food cravings
lime chips, mac and cheese, cheerios, pad thai, orange juice

I realize this post was a complete overload of updates, but the combination of sickness, exhaustion and most recently, pure laziness has inhibited my blogging.  I am kicking myself for not being better about documenting the last few months, and now it’s time for a fresh start.

So, look for upcoming posts on our last big trip just the two of us, nursery updates, the gender reveal!, and how my eating has changed since pad thai and cheerios!

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