Chia Seed Me

babies shower

candice — Fri, 18 May 2012 01:31:11 +0000

Jon and I are in awe of how many people are already loving our little babies. We’ve had three showers already, and each and every one was so unique and special…planned just to celebrate baby boy and baby girl.

Our first one was in my hometown the Saturday before last, and my sister, aunt, mom and cousin worked so hard to make it special. It had a summery vintage theme complete with an old school chalkboard, lemonade, sweet tea and cupcakes! Everyone from family to my mom’s friends from work came out.

My sister played emcee, bringing much comedy to the day. And Jon totally dominated with all his baby knowledge – from how many diapers we’ll use in a day to how many he’ll actually change:) He is going to be such a good daddy. I can’t wait:)

My mom made us these precious scrapbooks. If you know me, you know that I love stuff like this. It means so much because she put in so much time to make them. They have pages for all the major events in the babies’ lives – like their first Sunday to go to church, their first trip to our lake cabin, their first jog and a travel page where we can put pictures of all the new places we’ll show them. Olive even got her very own page.

I think the babies already have more clothes than I do…definitely more than their daddy. The amount of gifts our sweet guests brought was completely overwhelming. It is unreal to me how generous our friends and family are. The twins are two blessed little babies for sure.

What a joyful day. It seemed so surreal that we were actually having a baby shower. For our own babies. I never thought the day would come. I still have to remind myself that all this is real, and days like this one make it all the more unbelievable.

After the shower we got to hang around my mom and step dad’s house for a few hours, cook hamburgers outside and just spend time together. One of my all time favorite days:)

finally a mama

candice — Mon, 14 May 2012 03:14:11 +0000

today was such a sweet day. every single text message and happy mother’s day wish I received was like a ray of sunlight. more than anything today I just keep thinking about how thankful i am that i have these two little ones. that god created them to be mine and jon’s and that we get to be their parents forever. every single movement inside me and every ache and pain is a reminder of what an honor it is to have this new title. i get teary eyed just thinking about it.

to our babies -

i am so proud and joyful to be your mama already. even though we have yet to meet, i feel like i already know you. your daddy and i have waited so long to know you, and we’ve never been more thankful for anything in our lives. i promise to do everything i can to be the best mama i can be to you. i will definitely make mistakes and you’ll have to show me some grace (you know this is my first time). i pray that you’ll see jesus in me and that you’ll learn from me to love others like he loves us. i hope to show you the world and teach you that god has made every person special regardless of what they look like on the outside or how much money they have. i hope you never doubt how much i love you and that you always know i’m here for you no matter what. i can’t wait to meet you, but please stay in there for and get bigger and stronger for at least 8 more weeks!

lots of love, mama

another sweet part of today was getting to wish a happy mother’s day to my mom and mother-in-law. i feel so blessed to have such amazing moms who love jon and i unconditionally and who have sacrificed so much for us over the years. for the twins i hope i can be as sacrificial and loving as they have been. then i will definitely count myself a successful mama. happy mother’s day mom and debbie. i love you both!

lastly, this day was a reminder of the long wait and the pain of waiting to see how god would choose to give us babies. it was a reminder of all those still out there wondering and waiting. i remember vividly how difficult mother’s day can be when all you want is to be called mama, but you have no choice in the matter. it feels so hurtful and hopeless. so to any of you reading this who are feeling that pain today, i’m praying for you and i hope you remember that someday god will bless you in the greatest way possible. it may not be how you imagined, but he has not forgotten you. and it will be worth the wait.

26 and 27

candice — Wed, 09 May 2012 02:13:15 +0000

week 26

week 27

Baby boy and baby girl are getting big! They each weigh about 2 pounds and are about 14.5 inches long as of this week. They’re doing all kinds of cool things now like sleeping and waking at regular intervals, opening and closing their little eyes and even sucking their fingers (source)! It’s amazing to me how fast they are growing, and it makes me think about how fast they’re going to keep growing once they join us out here in the world. Makes me sad thinking about it already, lol.

This was a pretty epic week because we had two showers! They were both so perfect and definitely merit their own posts. Along with that we received such sweet gifts from family and friends like our double stroller, carseats, crib mattresses, baby swing, lots of clothes and so many other things. It has been the most exciting time! Not that it’s just about getting stuff, but having all these things pile up in our little house is making everything seem so real and soooo close.

Technically we still have 13 weeks left until go time, but my doctor thinks the babies will come in early July rather than early August. I’m not focusing on that too much though because I’m thinking it could make for a really long July if they decide to stay in there. And of course the longer they stay in there (within reason:), the better!

They are definitely making themselves known though. Moving around all the time and of course giving me lots of aches and heartburn. Oh heartburn. Sleeping has become quite interesting as well of course as it’s become somewhat of an olympic sport just to roll over in bed. Oh, and my ankles and feet have already decided to start swelling up. I look down and think “who’s legs are these??!” because they surely cannot be mine. It’s weird to feel like you’re wearing somebody else’s legs. I honestly cannot quite imagine what I’m going to feel/look like in about 6-8 weeks.

But how I love this bump. I love getting to be with our little babies all the time, taking them with me everywhere I go. Despite the discomfort of nighttime, I look forward to it every evening because I get to just spend time feeling the babies and thinking about every aspect of what they’re going to be like. I don’t think anything will ever quite compare to this time…having them inside me and getting to experience so much of them. I think the love surrounding them multiplied times 100 this week with all our friends and family celebrating them. It was the best ever.

truths about (my) pregnancy

candice — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 23:43:19 +0000

I feel like I’ve let so much of this pregnancy go by without documenting it; the main reason being that I’ve just been living it. Whether sick on the couch (months 1-4) or working on the nursery, starting registries and researching everything under the sun (months 5-6), I’ve been so busy just staying up with the day-to-day that I haven’t had time to write a lot. Of course there’s a piece of me that is a bit sad about this…though I can’t imagine ever forgetting the reality and the magic of the last 6.5 months anyway.

Regardless, it has been the craziest time of things I never imagined would happen and things I totally expected (but could have never prepared for). And of course just mundane, run-of-the-mill occurrences.

- dressing the bump has been much more challenging than I imagined! Who are these people that can wear their regular pants with a band through month 6, 7 and 8?? While most days it is fun to find creative things to wear, I don’t have any pants!! I’ve never been able to really find maternity pants that I like and that are not super expensive. I have a couple pairs of maternity jeans, but obviously I can’t wear jeans to work, so….

- I will never, ever get over feeling these babies inside me. Whether it feels like they’re punching me from the inside or just moving up, creating a huge lump in one area of my stomach, I get giddy everytime. It’s so funny to me. It’s like they’re saying “hi, mama! we’re still in here!”

- having two babies insides hurts! I know this probably sounds crazy, but I never expected pain…at least not until the very end. And I have nothing to compare it to, so maybe if there was just one baby in there it wouldn’t be the same? Rolling over, sitting up, lifting my leg (!)…activities that seem easy create serious pain my stomach. Last week I asked my doctor if it’s normal to have pain and discomfort so much, and he very patiently explained that yes, especially with two in there, it’s going to be a bit painful.

- I feel full, even when I’m hungry! I figured in the last few weeks of pregnancy, things would start getting tight and creating a lack of space for food, but I didn’t know it would happen this early. I feel like in the past I’ve heard people talk about how much pregnant girls eat…but I can barely eat anything, and I start feeling like my stomach is going to explode. That’s the only way I can describe it. It literally feels like my stomach cannot expand any further. Sometimes my eyes deceive me, and I forget that I can’t eat the same sized portions that I used to. But I’m slowly learning to be more aware because it is a rather uncomfortable feeling to think you might just burst wide open. I would see this as a great thing – you know, appetite control – but I seem to still be gaining weight at a steady pace:) hmmmm.

maybe it’s because of these guys?

- nausea is not the only symptom of pregnancy. I don’t think I really thought this, per se…it’s just the only one people really talk about. Oh, there are so many others, which I think are even more prevalent, that no one ever talks about! Or maybe I’ve just talked to the right people. Heartburn would be at the top of the list for me….among others I’d rather not discuss…

There is a lot more I could add here, but these are the main ones off the top of my head. Overall, this has been the best experience of my life by far…the good and the challenging. I already have this conflicting feeling of wanting to meet baby boy and girl, but also wanting them to stay in there so this doesn’t have to end. I’m sure those of you who have been pregnant before are thinking “just give it another several weeks.” And you might be right…we’ll see:)

olive is getting…

candice — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 03:34:16 +0000

So this weekend a random man in Home Depot said I looked like I could just “deliver that baby right then and there.”

Um….thanks? I guess that means I’m getting bigger. I’m going to choose to take that as a compliment ’cause these babies are growing!

And for an extremely far overdue announcement – little miss Olive is getting a…

BABY SISTER and BABY BROTHER!

A mini Candice and a mini Jon will be joining us in just a few short months, and we couldn’t be more excited! And just for the record, I guessed it;)

week 24 (left) and week 25 (right)

I always wondered why pregnant girls would stand like I am on the left. But every week I felt more and more awkward trying to pose. Before I even knew what I was doing last week, up went the right arm and the left followed. And there I was. Now I know.

How can I possible still have 15 weeks left to grow? Where are these babies going to go? The questions I ask myself a million times a day.

So many fun things from the last few weeks. Best of all – Jon felt baby girl move! Several times I had tried to call him over to feel, but the second he got close, they’d get all shy. Finally, just a few days ago, our sweet baby girl decided to give her daddy a good, hard kick. yay!

We’ve also made several fun purchases as of recent – a chair big enough for our entire family of 5, sheets, a sweet little doll and our first cloth diaper.

And today I received an invitation to the first one of my showers!

It has definitely been a big couple of weeks as far as baby progress. I still have to stop and tell myself that this is really happening quite often. The days of wondering if we would ever have a little McCoy are still far too fresh in my mind. It’s still really hard for me to digest that God has really given us two babies.

I know we don’t deserve it, and I only wish I could make the same thing happen for all the sweet girls I know who are longing for this very thing.

I do promise one thing, though. I will never ever take this baby boy or girl for granted. I’ll never forget what it felt like to want them so badly and not know if God would ever bring them to me. And for that reason alone, I am thankful for the experience of infertility.

—————————————————

Aside from the big “countdown to babies,” I’m also pretty focused on counting down to the last day of school. Only 23 days left. I can hardly believe it. Honestly, this has been such a great year of school. If you’ve read my blog in the past, you know that teaching and I have not always gotten along super well. But this year has been different. I have some seriously amazing kids, and I think having an extra year of experience under my belt didn’t hurt. Either way, I’m really going to miss it.

When I told my principal I was leaving, I said “a baby is the only thing that could take me away from here.” And I actually meant it. I’m really thankful to be leaving on a good note. I’m not sure if I’ll go back someday or not…who knows where life will take us. But what a relief to not be running away this time.

I will be kind of relieved when this rollercoaster of teaching/not teaching/teaching again decides to level off. I think having a couple of sweet babies to occupy my time should take care of that!

week 21

candice — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 01:39:24 +0000

This past week in San Francisco was week 21 of being pregnant. 5 months! I know it sounds cliche, but I just can’t believe how fast time if flying by.

I cannot wait for these two to get here so we can meet them. But I’m also savoring these last moments just Jon and I. Overall though, I literally just walk around with a silly smile on my face most of the time because I’m just so happy and so darn thankful that I’ve got these little babies inside me.

While the first part of pregnancy was just plain scary for me, I feel like I’ve really settled in the last month or so. I don’t worry much anymore, which of course is easier now that there are visible signs that they’re growing. And I’m feeling so much better – like I’m on top of the world with tons of energy!

The best part of the last couple of weeks though, has been feeling them move! It started out super subtle, to the point that I wasn’t absolutely sure it was them. But now they’re moving around all the time. If it’s not one, it’s the other. Like a 24 hour party in there:) A couple of times I’ve even called Jon in because I swear he’d be able to feel them from the outside, but both times they got shy and completely stopped moving, haha. It’s hard for me to go to sleep and get out of bed in the morning because I just want to lay there and feel them forever.

Other fun (and not so fun) developments from week 21:

the twins’ first trip to the west coast
we bought and set up the cribs!
lots and lots of back pain on my right side – laying down, sitting down, walking…doesn’t matter
2 random people asked me when I was due:)
heartburn is getting worse and worse
the babies weigh about 3/4 lb. each and are each about 10.5 inches long (the length of a carrot)
they now have eyebrows and eyelids!

just the two of us

candice — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 02:07:43 +0000

For Spring Break we decided to take a last little trip just the two of us to San Franciso.

1. Our very first stop in SF for coffee and bagels 2. the GG Bridge as Jon calls it 3. One of 90 million photos of us by the bridge:) 4. his and hers root beers

1. How did they know? 2. Ghiradelli square – free chocolate! 3. our little Go Car we toured in on our last day 4. quaint little Haight coffee shop

1. Baker Beach – a favorite stop 2. Boudin at Fisherman’s Wharf – famous for sourdough bread bowls! 3. pretty San Fran
4. just motoring around

1. the Full House houses 2. breakfast 3. love him:) 4. on the cable car

1. fortune cookie factory in China Town. Paid .25 to take this pic. Thinking he got the better deal. 2. the beautiful Pacific 3. my handsome driver 4. twins!

This was the first trip either of us had taken to the west coast, and I’m so glad we went! Traveling has been something we’ve enjoyed so much together the last 6 years, and there were moments on our trip that I felt a little nostalgic thinking of our adventures together in the past. I know from now on it will never be quite the same.

But for every thought of how special the past has been, I was overwhelmed with anticipation for the future. Our traveling might look a little different, but I can hardly imagine how amazing it will be to show our babies different parts of the world.

Week 20: update post

candice — Thu, 15 Mar 2012 04:07:40 +0000

Thanks so much for all the sweet congrats on my last post. I’ve waited what seems like a lifetime to make that announcement, and I’m so thankful and humbled that God finally allowed it to happen! You all just made it that much sweeter.

So, here’s a quick breakdown of the last few months:

November 12, 2011 – We had our embryos transferred and felt like we were already pregnant. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel scared that it wouldn’t work…but from the moment we left the hospital, we never stopped praying for our babies. I would lay on the couch and talk to them all the time, envisioning them as strong, healthy babies. From day one it felt like they were here to stay.

after transfer

November 21, 2011: We both left work a little early and met at home to wait for the call. We waited…and waited…and waited. And finally about 15 minutes after we were supposed to receive the call, we broke down and dialed the clinic. After identifying myself and holding for eternity, the nurse answered the phone with a “congratulations!” We’ve never felt so full of joy. I was considered 4 weeks already:) We drove straight to Baby Gap and bought onesies.

November 24 – 25, 2011: Shared with the family and gave so many thanks.

December 12, 2011: Week 7. All day nausea set in. Sick in the morning…sick at night. I had no appetite at all, and the only things that sounded somewhat edible were things I would usually never consider putting in my body. Sorry babies.

December 22, 2011: Week 8. Went for our 2nd ultrasound and got the biggest surprise of our lives – not 1 but 2 babies! Praise the Lord. We spent the following 2 weeks celebrating Christmas and sharing our 2nd piece of amazing news with our families. Oh, and of course every 10 minutes saying to each other “are we really having twins???”

sadly, we didn’t get any pics when we told mom and dad McCoy

Weeks 9- 13: Sick. sick. sick. But oh, so happy. I literally did almost nothing besides go to work and come home and lay on the couch for over a month. Jon gets major daddy/husband points for keeping the house running and going on wild goose chases to find anything I could eat. Oh, and lots and lots of backrubs. I’ve heard people say that a woman becomes a mom when she gets pregnant, but a man doesn’t become a dad until the baby (ies:) is born. Not true for my husband. In a way, he’s been taking care of these babies for months already!

Week 14: Started to feel a tiny bit better. We decided to make the big announcement on Facebook and the blog. Up until this point, I was so so thankful for the little babies inside me, but I had a really hard time letting go of my fear and just trusting God. For 18 months I had longed to be pregnant, and in my mind I think I had decided that it could never really happen. Every month had brought so much hurt, and it seemed impossible that it could have finally happened. I know that sounds kind of crazy, but the fear of losing them terrified me. When we announced our news to the world, I felt like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. It finally felt real, and I finally started really believing that our babies were going to be okay.

Week 15: Took my first picture of the bump!

Week 16: Bump picture number 2. This was the week I finally started to really feel almost like myself again. The nausea completely subsided, and I even started to feel a little more energetic!

Week 17:

Week 17 was pretty monumental. I worked out for the first time in 3 months! And I felt so good about it. When I started the IVF process, I was told I shouldn’t have physical activity, and since I followed every wives tale from eating pineapple to trying to laugh a lot after transfer….eating more eggs…you name it, stopping my workouts was a no brainer. And of course it just continued from there – I felt too scared of hurting the babies in those paranoid first several weeks of being pregnant, and then I was so sick I could barely talk on the phone much less get off the couch. So finally on Monday of week 17 I pulled out the prenatal bootcamp DVD my mom got me for Christmas and then I went for a long walk on two different days after that. Sad how accomplished I feel about walking around the neighborhood. I finally feel like I’m doing something good for myself and for the twins.

Week 18:

baby a:)

This was the week we found out the gender of our little babies! I was so nervous that they wouldn’t cooperate for the ultrasound and we’d be disappointed…but they were good little babies. Let’s hope that’s a good indication of the months/years to come:) The ultrasound tech started off by just letting us see them while she took pictures to send to our doctor. Then it was baby A’s turn to be examined. It only took a matter of seconds to find out Baby A’s gender – and we were so excited!! We also learned that Baby A will be the first one to come into the world if all goes as planned. Next was Baby B’s turn. This time it took a little longer to figure it out, but in the end both genders were as clear as day! The second best part of this ultrasound was finding exactly where each baby is hanging out in there. Now I have a good idea of where they are, and knowing that plus their genders makes this that much more real. I’ll tell whether we’ll be an all boy house, all girl, or one of each in an upcoming post:)

As soon as the ultrasound was over, I had this devious feeling of wanting to keep everyone in suspense, but I resisted. We went home and called parents, brothers and sisters, grandparents, aunts and uncles and our friends to let them know the exciting news. I loved getting to tell everyone, but by the end of all the excitement, I was exhausted!

Week 19

Week 19 was almost as exciting as the previous week because I felt the babies move for the first time. I’d been willing them to give me a few good hard kicks for a couple of weeks, but so far I’d felt nothing! The first few times I felt them left me excited, but also wondering if it really was them. But after it happened several more times, and I was feeling it on both sides, I realized that yes, it really was our 2 little babies making their presence known! One thing that made me doubtful at first was that it didn’t feel like a flutter like many people said it would. It felt more like a really soft little bump from the inside.

Week 20: and now I’m finally caught up!

Okay, I know I’m going to look back on this and laugh at myself, but I feel like I look huge in this picture! Not sure if it’s the stripes or if I’ve just doubled in size since last week…but either way I think the baby belly looks large and in charge:) This week we had another appointment, but no ultrasound. We did get to hear the heartbeats (which sound like little trains to me by the way) and the doctor checked me and said everything looks perfect! Yay! So far I’ve gained 12 pounds. I wasn’t really sure if that was good or not, but my nurse assured me I’m right on track. What a relief! I’ve also been getting in some really solid 3 mile walks this week, which have felt so good. And we ordered a treadmill, so I see many more walks in my future:)

And now for some randomness from the first trimester (which is obviously a little outdated, but I really wanted to document it somewhere)!

Symptoms (some known and some only I am convinced are because of pregnancy)
nausea (of course), earaches, out of control sense of smell, exhaustion,
lots of bathroom trips, congestion, increased pulse (Jon doesn’t buy this one, but it’s for real),
bad taste in my mouth

Food aversions
pizza, vegetables, mexican food, chips and salsa, diet coke

Food cravings
lime chips, mac and cheese, cheerios, pad thai, orange juice

I realize this post was a complete overload of updates, but the combination of sickness, exhaustion and most recently, pure laziness has inhibited my blogging. I am kicking myself for not being better about documenting the last few months, and now it’s time for a fresh start.

So, look for upcoming posts on our last big trip just the two of us, nursery updates, the gender reveal!, and how my eating has changed since pad thai and cheerios!

we’ve got news…

candice — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 20:03:43 +0000

God has blessed us beyond what we ever could have imagined.

We are SO thankful!!

it’s up to Him

candice — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 02:34:26 +0000

Tomorrow might be the first day of life for our first sweet baby.

I am so far beyond excited. And thankful. And I would be lying if I said I’m not scared to death as well.

We are slated to arrive at the hospital at 6:30 tomorrow morning for retrieval. The last few weeks have been such a challenging whirlwind. We’ve given me shots while standing anywhere from the Whole Foods parking lot to a stairwell we snuck into during a Halloween party to the middle of the Colbie Caillat concert. Life has carried on despite the ultrasounds, blood work, pills and needles…but it’s been different. The anticipation of this IVF event has changed the tone of everything the last several weeks. And it’s all come down to the next couple of weeks (no pressure).

I have never prayed harder in my entire life than I have in the last few weeks. I’ve prayed constantly that God would enable my body to do what it’s supposed to do. So far, He has. Everything leading up to now couldn’t have gone better, and I couldn’t feel more confident going into this next phase. Unfortunately that doesn’t make our percentage any higher, but I am so thankful that He has chosen to bring us this far.

I’ve also prayed that God will give me the courage to trust him first and foremost. That whether our little babies survive and have the chance to develop or not, I will trust Him with our future. I will trust that He has a plan, and that plan will be carried out no matter what. This is my biggest request to my Heavenly Father. I believe He is faithful.

So, please pray with us. I’ve got needle marks all over, cramps in my stomach and emotions ranging across the board. But I’ve got so much hope inside. I’ve tried to figure out how to walk the tightrope of being positive, but protecting myself for so many months; this month I stopped trying. I put my heart out there, and I’ve done every thing I could…

Now it’s all up to Him.

Chia Seed Me

babies shower

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