happy one month, baby boy

“…one of the cutest things you do is sneeze.  Whenever you sneeze, your arms flail back and forth and it is the cutest thing in the whole world.  I really must catch it on video because if I ever forget how funny it is I would be so sad…”

- from mama’s letter to you

What you weigh – about 6 pounds 2 ounces

What you’re eating– about 60 ml every three hours

How you’re sleeping– overall you’re a good sleeper, but the discomfort you’ve been having is making it a little harder for you.  You love to sleep on mama and daddy though.

What you’re wearing – confession – most days you can be found hanging out in just your diaper.  I dress you up if we’re having company, but otherwise I love to snuggle you skin to skin too much to put clothes on you during the day.  When I do dress you, you are fitting just perfectly into the up to 7 lbs. size at Gap.  Preemie stuff is getting to be too short for you.  You are fitting just perfectly into the newborn Bum Genius cloth diaper.

What you like to do – make fish face, sleep on mama’s chest, sleep in the Moby wrap, eat, stretch

Big moments in your first month of life – being born (ha!), eating all your meals by mouth, graduating from the NICU, coming home, meeting your big sister, Olive, your first visit to Dr. Stanford and a good report, your first (for fun) outing to downtown OKC, first meetings with lots of family and friends

Nicknames – mama calls you “buddy boy.”  daddy calls you “fish” or “budrow.”  Not sure where some of those came from, but we’ll try to contain ourselves:)

fish face

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happy 6, husband

This past Sunday we celebrated 6 years together as husband and wife.  We have lived so much life together since July of 2006, and I have to say this year has been the best so far.  How could it not be?

My mom convinced us to let her and my step-dad come sit with Linc and Viv while we went out for a date on the town.  At first I was like “no way!”  The thought of leaving them had me all kinds of worked up.  But then I started thinking rationally.  The husband and I have always said that when we had kids we would still make each other our first priority…and if I can’t do that on our 6 year anniversary night, when would I?

So out on the town we went.  The husband planned his usual fun and creative date.  I never know what he’s going to do.  We picked up pizza from our favorite little joint in OKC and then headed downtown where they were having a concert outside at the Myriad Gardens.  He brought a blanket and a mini cooler of coke zero, and we cuddled up and enjoyed the music and great conversation.  Then he took me for a chocolate milkshake on our way back to see our little babies.

It was the perfect way to get out and spend some time together, celebrating the best decision we’ve ever made.

I love that man more than words can ever say.

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never been more in love…

more details to come…

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hospital day 9

Well the update since Saturday is not that exciting really.  It’s starting to seem like the same old song and dance day after day.  Have a partially good day.  Have a partially challenging day of discomfort and contractions.  Get put on some kind of labor stopping medicine.  Feel better after several hours.  Start the whole thing over again.

On Sunday I, just like usual, started having consistent, intense contractions sometime in the late afternoon or evening.  Instead of giving me the Breathine shot, which is what they’ve been doing the last few days, they went back to the magnesium instead, upping it to the highest dosage to get them to stop.  As usual, after having been on it for a little while, they drew my blood to test the levels of magnesium and make sure they weren’t too high. They’ve done this every time, and I’ve never had a problem.  But for some reason this time they came back at a level that was a bit concerning to my doctor.  So, they turned it down sooner than expected.  Thankfully, it had worked on me long enough that the contractions had slowed down, but unfortunately the lower dosage didn’t do the trick entirely so I pretty much woke up to contractions off and on throughout the night.

But by this morning, things had calmed down a bit, and I was only having sporadic ones that weren’t too intense.  After having been off all weekend, my doctor came by to see me this morning.  He decided to go ahead and wean me off the magnesium yet again.  He says that as of now he’s thinking we’ll just see what happens as I go off of it, and if the contractions start back up, he probably won’t put me back on it.  He thinks we’ll have our babies this week for sure!

I obviously have mixed feelings about this.  But he seems confident that they are doing so well and that at this point there will be mild issues to deal with in the NICU.  Even though I would rather them stay in there as long as possible, I am so excited to meet them!  Despite my fears, it’s impossible not to feel a little giddy at the thought of possibly getting to meet them this week.  I’m not sure if it’s right or wrong to feel that way, but I can’t help it.

The weekly email I receive from BabyCenter was especially encouraging this week.  Unfortunately I’m not quite 34 weeks (I get these emails a little early) but I’m close enough that it still made me feel good!

Your baby now weighs about 4 3/4 pounds (like your average cantaloupe) and is almost 18 inches long. Her fat layers – which she’ll need to regulate her body temperature once she’s born – are filling her out, making her rounder. Her skin is also smoother than ever. Her central nervous system is maturing and her lungs are continuing to mature as well. If you’ve been nervous about preterm labor, you’ll be happy to know that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine. They may need a short stay in the neonatal nursery and may have a few short-term health issues, but in the long run, they usually do as well as full-term babies.

And now for a short list of the highs of hospital bedrest. Because there really are good things in every situation.

Highs:  the love we’ve felt from all the people who have reached out to encourage us, my amazing nurses, the fruit plates sent by the hospital cafeteria, gaining a refreshed appreciation for small things in life like showering, getting to hang out with the husband more than usual, updating my blog more than usual, getting to listen to the babies heartbeats 24/7, the anticipation of finally getting to hold my babies!

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hospital day 7

I don’t have a super exciting update today…I had to have the Breathine shot a couple of different times last night because of contractions, but it’s kind of becoming old hat I guess.   I did let the nurse give me a sleeping pill last night, which I refused the first night I was on the Breathine shot.  And it did help tremendously.  It’s so ironic to me that I spent the first 30 weeks of my pregnancy fighting through terrible headaches etc. because I didn’t want to put any kind of medication in my body…and now look at me.  All hell has broken loose it seems, and I’m taking about 18 pills a day (exaggeration).  I guess when it comes down to it, I realize I just have to do what I have to do.

There is really absolutely nothing about this experience (as of the last couple of weeks anyway) that has matched up to what I envisioned for us.  Even though I knew bedrest was a real possibility with twins, I just kind of naively thought that my body would be able to handle it just fine.  I’d tell people all the time that I had a feeling I’d go to 40 weeks.  ha!  I also allowed myself to think positively and assume the babies would be in positions that would not require me to have a c-sections, but alas, they are both breech and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.  I’ve had a lot of trouble letting go of my dream and how I envisioned everything to be…and I’m still having trouble letting go of it.  But I’m trying.  I obviously know that the only thing that matters is that our babies get here safely and are healthy and get all the help they need to be well.  That is definitely my top priority.

But the thought of having to finish up my c-section surgery/recovery while they’re being whisked away to the NICU is almost more than I can bear.  I don’t know how long it will really be before I’ll get to get up and go see them – I’ve heard anywhere from an hour and a half to 24 hours (!).  Last night when the nurse offhandedly said 24 hours, I waited until she left before completely losing it.  Granted I’m probably a little extra emotional right now too, but I just want to have my babies with me.  I’ve been in this bed so long, and the thought of having to continue to lay in it knowing they’re down the hall tears me apart.  The nurse sweetly assured me that the husband could go down and take pictures and bring them back to me…and I’m not going to lie I kind of wanted to throw something at her.  Pictures?  Seriously?

As I referenced in a post a couple of weeks ago, I definitely feel like I’m being taught lessons in letting go of control of things.  The sad truth is that what is going to happen with the birth of our babies is going to happen, and there’s really not a single thing I can do at this point.  I think mothers in general have more choices when having a traditional delivery, but I am definitely at the mercy of my doctor in this situation. It doesn’t really matter anymore what I wanted or what I think is best…all that matters is him doing whatever he can to bring our babies into the world in the best way possible.  Luckily I trust my doctor with my life…but it doesn’t make letting go any easier.

Thankfully, though, while their mama is having a bit of a rough time, our sweet babies are doing just fine.  Our ultrasound yesterday showed that baby boy is apparently stealing all the good hospital food from baby girl because there has suddenly become quite a discrepancy between their weights.  My doctor ordered a second ultrasound to check some things and make sure she’s still healthy and doing fine, despite her weight different, and ironically she passed with flying colors and he missed a couple of points, haha.  So, it looks like despite her small size, she’s going to be a fighter and give her brother a run for his money.  Way to go baby girl!

In the meantime I’m just focusing on one day at a time.  I know it won’t be long and this will all look like a small blip in our life, and I cannot wait for that.  I guess when things get though, it makes the end just that much sweeter.  And I can definitely say the thought of seeing our babies faces for the first time and then getting to take them home (even if it’s weeks later) sounds like a surreal dream that can’t possible every come true because it’s just too good.  So, I will think on that.

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