finally a mama

today was such a sweet day.  every single text message and happy mother’s day wish I received was like a ray of sunlight.  more than anything today I just keep thinking about how thankful i am that i have these two little ones.  that god created them to be mine and jon’s and that we get to be their parents forever. every single movement inside me and every ache and pain is a reminder of what an honor it is to have this new title.  i get teary eyed just thinking about it.

to our babies -

i am so proud and joyful to be your mama already.  even though we have yet to meet, i feel like i already know you.  your daddy and i have waited so long to know you, and we’ve never been more thankful for anything in our lives.   i promise to do everything i can to be the best mama i can be to you.  i will definitely make mistakes and you’ll have to show me some grace (you know this is my first time).  i pray that you’ll see jesus in me and that you’ll learn from me to love others like he loves us.  i hope to show you the world and teach you that god has made every person special regardless of what they look like on the outside or how much money they have.  i hope you never doubt how much i love you and that you always know i’m here for you no matter what.  i can’t wait to meet you, but please stay in there for and get bigger and stronger for at least 8 more weeks!

lots of love, mama

another sweet part of today was getting to wish a happy mother’s day to my mom and mother-in-law.  i feel so blessed to have such amazing moms who love jon and i unconditionally and who have sacrificed so much for us over the years. for the twins i hope i can be as sacrificial and loving as they have been.  then i will definitely count myself a successful mama.  happy mother’s day mom and debbie.  i love you both!

lastly, this day was a reminder of the long wait and the pain of waiting to see how god would choose to give us babies.  it was a reminder of all those still out there wondering and waiting.  i remember vividly how difficult mother’s day can be when all you want is to be called mama, but you have no choice in the matter.  it feels so hurtful and hopeless.  so to any of you reading this who are feeling that pain today, i’m praying for you and i hope you remember that someday god will bless you in the greatest way possible.  it may not be how you imagined, but he has not forgotten you. and it will be worth the wait.

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26 and 27

week 26

week 27

Baby boy and baby girl are getting big!  They each weigh about 2 pounds and are about 14.5 inches long as of this week.  They’re doing all kinds of cool things now like sleeping and waking at regular intervals, opening and closing their little eyes and even sucking their fingers (source)!  It’s amazing to me how fast they are growing, and it makes me think about how fast they’re going to keep growing once they join us out here in the world.  Makes me sad thinking about it already, lol.

This was a pretty epic week because we had two showers!  They were both so perfect and definitely merit their own posts.  Along with that we received such sweet gifts from family and friends like our double stroller, carseats, crib mattresses, baby swing, lots of clothes and so many other things.  It has been the most exciting time!  Not that it’s just about getting stuff, but having all these things pile up in our little house is making everything seem so real and soooo close.

Technically we still have 13 weeks left until go time, but my doctor thinks the babies will come in early July rather than early August.  I’m not focusing on that too much though because I’m thinking it could make for a really long July if they decide to stay in there.  And of course the longer they stay in there (within reason:), the better!

They are definitely making themselves known though.  Moving around all the time and of course giving me lots of aches and heartburn.  Oh heartburn.  Sleeping has become quite interesting as well of course as it’s become somewhat of an olympic sport just to roll over in bed.  Oh, and my ankles and feet have already decided to start swelling up.  I look down and think “who’s legs are these??!” because they surely cannot be mine.  It’s weird to feel like you’re wearing somebody else’s legs.  I honestly cannot quite imagine what I’m going to feel/look like in about 6-8 weeks.

But how I love this bump.  I love getting to be with our little babies all the time, taking them with me everywhere I go.  Despite the discomfort of nighttime, I look forward to it every evening because I get to just spend time feeling the babies and thinking about every aspect of what they’re going to be like.  I don’t think anything will ever quite compare to this time…having them inside me and getting to experience so much of them.  I think the love surrounding them multiplied times 100 this week with all our friends and family celebrating them.  It was the best ever.

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truths about (my) pregnancy

I feel like I’ve let so much of this pregnancy go by without documenting it; the main reason being that I’ve just been living it.  Whether sick on the couch (months 1-4) or working on the nursery, starting registries and researching everything under the sun (months 5-6), I’ve been so busy just staying up with the day-to-day that I haven’t had time to write a lot.  Of course there’s a piece of me that is a bit sad about this…though I can’t imagine ever forgetting the reality and the magic of the last 6.5 months anyway.

Regardless, it has been the craziest time of things I never imagined would happen and things I totally expected (but could have never prepared for).  And of course just mundane, run-of-the-mill occurrences.

-  dressing the bump has been much more challenging than I imagined!  Who are these people that can wear their regular pants with a band through month 6, 7 and 8??  While most days it is fun to find creative things to wear, I don’t have any pants!!  I’ve never been able to really find maternity pants that I like and that are not super expensive.  I have a couple pairs of maternity jeans, but obviously I can’t wear jeans to work, so….

-  I will never, ever get over feeling these babies inside me.  Whether it feels like they’re punching me from the inside or just moving up, creating a huge lump in one area of my stomach, I get giddy everytime.  It’s so funny to me.  It’s like they’re saying “hi, mama!  we’re still in here!”

-  having two babies insides hurts!  I know this probably sounds crazy, but I never expected pain…at least not until the very end.  And I have nothing to compare it to, so maybe if there was just one baby in there it wouldn’t be the same?  Rolling over, sitting up, lifting my leg (!)…activities that seem easy create serious pain my stomach.  Last week I asked my doctor if it’s normal to have pain and discomfort so much, and he very patiently explained that yes, especially with two in there, it’s going to be a bit painful.

-  I feel full, even when I’m hungry!  I figured in the last few weeks of pregnancy, things would start getting tight and creating a lack of space for food, but I didn’t know it would happen this early.  I feel like in the past I’ve heard people talk about how much pregnant girls eat…but I can barely eat anything, and I start feeling like my stomach is going to explode.  That’s the only way I can describe it.  It literally feels like my stomach cannot expand any further.  Sometimes my eyes deceive me, and I forget that I can’t eat the same sized portions that I used to.  But I’m slowly learning to be more aware because it is a rather uncomfortable feeling to think you might just burst wide open.  I would see this as a great thing – you know, appetite control – but I seem to still be gaining weight at a steady pace:)  hmmmm.

maybe it’s because of these guys?

-  nausea is not the only symptom of pregnancy.  I don’t think I really thought this, per se…it’s just the only one people really talk about.  Oh, there are so many others, which I think are even more prevalent, that no one ever talks about!  Or maybe I’ve just talked to the right people.  Heartburn would be at the top of the list for me….among others I’d rather not discuss…

There is a lot more I could add here, but these are the main ones off the top of my head.  Overall, this has been the best experience of my life by far…the good and the challenging.  I already have this conflicting feeling of wanting to meet baby boy and girl, but also wanting them to stay in there so this doesn’t have to end.  I’m sure those of you who have been pregnant before are thinking “just give it another several weeks.”  And you might be right…we’ll see:)

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olive is getting…

So this weekend a random man in Home Depot said I looked like I could just “deliver that baby right then and there.”

Um….thanks?  I guess that means I’m getting bigger.  I’m going to choose to take that as a compliment ’cause these babies are growing!

And for an extremely far overdue announcement – little miss Olive is getting a…


A mini Candice and a mini Jon will be joining us in just a few short months, and we couldn’t be more excited!  And just for the record, I guessed it;)

week 24 (left) and week 25 (right)

I always wondered why pregnant girls would stand like I am on the left.  But every week I felt more and more awkward trying to pose.  Before I even knew what I was doing last week, up went the right arm and the left followed.  And there I was.  Now I know.

How can I possible still have 15 weeks left to grow?  Where are these babies going to go?  The questions I ask myself a million times a day.

So many fun things from the last few weeks.  Best of all – Jon felt baby girl move!  Several times I had tried to call him over to feel, but the second he got close, they’d get all shy.  Finally, just a few days ago, our sweet baby girl decided to give her daddy a good, hard kick. yay!

We’ve also made several fun purchases as of recent – a chair big enough for our entire family of 5, sheets, a sweet little doll and our first cloth diaper.

And today I received an invitation to the first one of my showers!

It has definitely been a big couple of weeks as far as baby progress.  I still have to stop and tell myself that this is really happening quite often.  The days of wondering if we would ever have a little McCoy are still far too fresh in my mind.  It’s still really hard for me to digest that God has really given us two babies.

I know we don’t deserve it, and I only wish I could make the same thing happen for all the sweet girls I know who are longing for this very thing.

I do promise one thing, though.  I will never ever take this baby boy or girl for granted.  I’ll never forget what it felt like to want them so badly and not know if God would ever bring them to me.  And for that reason alone, I am thankful for the experience of infertility.


Aside from the big “countdown to babies,” I’m also pretty focused on counting down to the last day of school.  Only 23 days left.  I can hardly believe it.  Honestly, this has been such a great year of school.  If you’ve read my blog in the past, you know that teaching and I have not always gotten along super well.  But this year has been different.  I have some seriously amazing kids, and I think having an extra year of experience under my belt didn’t hurt.  Either way, I’m really going to miss it.

When I told my principal I was leaving, I said “a baby is the only thing that could take me away from here.”  And I actually meant it.  I’m really thankful to be leaving on a good note.  I’m not sure if I’ll go back someday or not…who knows where life will take us.  But what a relief to not be running away this time.

I will be kind of relieved when this rollercoaster of teaching/not teaching/teaching again decides to level off.  I think having a couple of sweet babies to occupy my time should take care of that!

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week 21

This past week in San Francisco was week 21 of being pregnant.  5 months!  I know it sounds cliche, but I just can’t believe how fast time if flying by.

I cannot wait for these two to get here so we can meet them.  But I’m also savoring these last moments just Jon and I.  Overall though, I literally just walk around with a silly smile on my face most of the time because I’m just so happy and so darn thankful that I’ve got these little babies inside me.

While the first part of pregnancy was just plain scary for me, I feel like I’ve really settled in the last month or so.  I don’t worry much anymore, which of course is easier now that there are visible signs that they’re growing. And I’m feeling so much better – like I’m on top of the world with tons of energy!

The best part of the last couple of weeks though, has been feeling them move!  It started out super subtle, to the point that I wasn’t absolutely sure it was them.  But now they’re moving around all the time.  If it’s not one, it’s the other. Like a 24 hour party in there:) A couple of times I’ve even called Jon in because I swear he’d be able to feel them from the outside, but both times they got shy and completely stopped moving, haha. It’s hard for me to go to sleep and get out of bed in the morning because I just want to lay there and feel them forever.

Other fun (and not so fun) developments from week 21:

  • the twins’ first trip to the west coast
  • we bought and set up the cribs!
  • lots and lots of back pain on my right side – laying down, sitting down, walking…doesn’t matter
  • 2 random people asked me when I was due:)
  • heartburn is getting worse and worse
  • the babies weigh about 3/4 lb. each and are each about 10.5 inches long (the length of a carrot)
  • they now have eyebrows and eyelids!

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